Chapter 49

Flashback:

I hurried to get up because of the extreme heat of Van’s body, I couldn’t help but worry and be confused because Inah wasn’t very well yet, Van followed.

“Hey Inah, let’s go, don’t stick to Van first,” I said softly to a young man.

I pushed it a little and was still sound asleep. I quickly took the bimpo with lukewarm water and immediately applied it to the child’s forehead. I looked at the time. It’s still early. It’s only seven o’clock. I immediately arranged the couch in the living room so that they could lie down there because I was going to take care of their food. I can’t leave them here. I opened the balcony in the living room to let in fresh air, there was no pollution here.

I took advantage of their deep sleep, I cooked soup to somehow make them sweat and release body heat. That way their heat will be reduced. Even though it was tiring, I didn’t bother, Lana often comes home at night and sometimes doesn’t come home, I understand her again because the heads there have become tighter since I was fired.

I stopped preparing meals when I noticed a familiar shadow that looked toward the kitchen where I was.

“Morning, Mama,” my daughter waved sleepily.

Smiling I dropped the plate and quickly went to her with my hands ready, I quickly picked up Inah and hugged her tightly.

“Good morning baby Inah,” I said softly.

She just nodded then pointed to Van who was still asleep. “Banban… Head,” she pointed at my forehead.

She was probably referring to the cloth on Van’s forehead. I sat it on the sofa and then removed the thingy.

“Banban is sick,” I simply said as she looked at her twin then nodded softly.

After I took care of the two, I let Inah play with me first. What I do is exhausting and not a joke. I can’t sleep, especially when my son is sick. Every time Van cries I have to lift him up and cry, so does Inah.

At four o’clock in the morning when they were sound asleep, I rearranged the toys that Inah had played with when she couldn’t sleep before. I paused a bit when I looked in the mirror. I could clearly see my own reflection. I don’t know if there will be a change in my physical appearance, I can clearly see Veron that I never thought I would be. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

A few days passed and the two were completely healed. As before, the house was covered with noisy and full of toys, they were once again teaching what they saw on the balcony and the relentless storytelling to me even though I didn’t understand.

Because it’s spring season and the weather is good, I thought of taking them for a walk again, especially in Plaza mayor. I was carrying my old cell phone where some of their photos were. Everything is hidden here, especially my photos from when I was still working in the Philippines. The Plaza mayor is wide, big enough for the twins to run and chase. While I was busy taking video of them I noticed a few of those around us looking at my children. They couldn’t help but smile as well, I barely waved when they waved at me.

“Inah, Van,” I call to them as they chase the birds.

They just waved at me then continued onslow running, because they seem to be catching this one bird. It’s just scary because they might later step on some birds they encounter.

“Evan! Esmeralda! Let’s go!” I emphatically call them.

Less than seconds after they followed, they were now ahead of me as a reason for the birds to fly. They are fun to watch. We sat in an empty seat there, they were just quietly eating the sandwich I made, I don’t want to buy here outside because the goods are expensive. In the middle of looking around my chest suddenly throbbed. I don’t know if I’m just thinking badly.

I noticed a man in the distance looking at our behavior, I’m not nervous about nothing. But he still managed to stare at me, he turned around then took the cell phone and his mouth moved quickly, it looked like he was talking to someone. I was simply playing and talking to my children but my eyes and simply looking at that man.

“Let’s go, Aunt Lana is coming,” I smiled at the two.

They just followed me quickly, we got in the car and I felt like crazy looking around to see if we were really following. But I saw nothing. When we went down to the building there were many people below, we just waved at them, I declined their offer to stay there because I felt someone was watching and observing our movements. I immediately locked the door.

I locked the balconies and prepared the knife under the bed where we kids were. It’s as if I’m crazy about what I’m doing, I can’t be blamed either because even before I was pregnant with both of them, the same thing happened before. Many of those who saw me knew my family. But I hope my guess is wrong.

The next day I woke up early, as before Lana was no longer in her room, I left the children asleep and then started taking care of their food again. I tried to get out of my brain what had happened these past few days, I didn’t know if I was lacking in talking to other people because I was just talking to a child. Cyron only visited once because they were so busy that I understand. Maybe it was just right that I was fired.

I cringed because of Inah’s weak voice that echoed in the room, I just left the door open. She was probably waking Van up. After I prepared the food I went to the two of them in the room, but instead of seeing Van awake, I only saw Inah and stared at the cell phone.

“Hey, what are you doing?” my weak surprise.

She sniffed and then just waved at me, her thin hair was messy and then she leaned in front of Van. It slightly tapped its shoulder causing it to move.

“Banban, morning … Mama morning,” she muttered.

I smiled at her. Inah kissed her twin then slowly sat down and stared at the cell phone again.

“Why? Problem?” I asked softly.

“Tata!” she said softly as if just surprised. It pointed to my cell phone that had just turned off.

“Tata? Aunti Lana will come later,” I said and then kissed her on the cheek.

“Stand up quickly, let’s have breakfast. Want milk?” I asked as they quickly nodded.

After I fed them I bathed them, as usual I played with the two across the balcony here in the living room. The door of the room where the three of us were opened again. I tied the curtain that had been flying because of the strong wind on the open balcony, I stumbled because they dropped the toys and there they went to the balcony, as usual they danced in the gusts of wind. No doubt, to me they inherited dancing like that. At times I still go to nightclubs. I hope they don’t follow me anymore.

Since they were already busy looking outside, I thought of using the cell phone first, because I was also waiting for Mama A’s call. I went back to the bed where I last saw Inah holding it. I quickly picked it up and went back to the living room. But when I should have sat down, I was suddenly dumbfounded by what I saw. 8 missed call from Nikasha.

I don’t know why she’s calling again, I’m always teased about coffee. I was shaken that I called her but she was busy so I decided to just read another message there. Most of it was about my co -workers who were shocked by my sudden departure. They even pretend, eh, others just want me to be removed because I’m often in the top 5, it looks like the others are already celebrating. When I sat on the sofa Nikasha called so I moved a little away from the children, then answered it.

“Why? You don’t have coffee yet—”

[Where are you?] It says seriously.

I nodded slightly but the smile never left my lips. Her voice was so serious and I didn’t know if she was just waking up.

“H-Here at home,” I said softly.

[A-Ah] she only said.

“Why did you get called?”

[Nothing. Why didn’t you answer my call right away?]

“Because I’m cooking hehehe, have you eaten yet?” I asked softly and leaned against the door.

[Done] she had no enthusiastic answer.

Such an opening is not new to me. She always had no appetite. “I see hehehe, go ahead, maybe you still have work, I love you bye!” letting me know.

I heard its sigh on the other line. I don’t know if she has a problem she wants to say.

[You have nothing else to say? Where is Lana?] She added.

“Ahm, she just bought something. I’m the only one here,” I said bluntly.

[I know you’re the only one there. All right, I’ll put it down. Remember] I would have spoken just in case she suddenly dropped it.

She’s innovative, maybe she has it now. A few days later, Lana hadn’t been home yet and Alenna was supposed to go first to finish everything, so we are home alone now. I also notice that Zeren doesn’t text me because he talks to me almost every day. While watching tv I almost threw the remote because of the sudden opening of the door. Dreaming it rolled its eyes and when our eyes met it quickly closed the door.

“W-What’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like that?” I suddenly said.

“Where are the children?” it’s a quick question.

“Sleeping, why? Tek— what are you doing?” It left in front of me then took the cell phone, I could clearly see in its eyes the chaos and anxiety.

“Veron, are you letting someone in here that it doesn’t know? Did you notice anything weird? How about your contact? Does anyone else know where we live?” its hurried question.

I don’t know what I will answer first to her questions I could not understand where it was coming from.

“N-Nothing, I don’t know. Why are you acting like that? What is it?” my chaotic question here is now out of breath.

“Are you sure you didn’t notice anything? So why is Mommy asking me if you have a child? And who are those two kids you’re with every day?” it says quickly.

I stumbled. I don’t know if what I heard is correct, my body is almost cold especially my brain is squeezing from what is happening. I swallowed and then looked at the two children in bed who were sound asleep.

I just noticed that Lana was closing the balcony, as well as the curtain she had already closed, as well as the door of the room where the twins were she had also closed. There was nothing to hear but Lana’s rapid breathing and the loud crash in my chest.

“It’s over Veron, everyone in the mansion knows about you and your son—”

“How? Not even—”

“I don’t know Veron! Mommy says something that a woman went to the mansion to tell about your son, Mommy doesn’t say who. Look at this.” She quickly picked up her cell phone and showed me my pictures, I looked at them one by one and noticed that almost all of them were pure pictures of me.

Ever since I had a big womb, had two babies, and what not, we were almost the only couple there. “Mommy sent me that, she said those were the photos given to them at the mansion 1 month ago.” I stopped to watch Lana throw her cellphone on the sofa and looked hard at me.

I’m getting scared.

“You can’t lie anymore Veron, there’s evidence, they’ve seen it. The people in the mansion have been quiet, especially your uncle who has known everything since you made the twins pregnant. Didn’t you really notice anything? Huh? “ I turned my back on it.

I restrained my hand trembling with fear and those running through my brain.

“Veron! What! Speak up! Oh my god!”

“I-I don’t know, Lana… I-What am I going to do?” I whispered.

My brain is blank. Uncle already knows, is that why he sends so much money? Is that why Nikasha rarely calls me and Zeren often greets me? Why didn’t I notice those?

“Think Veron! Think! You don’t have time, we’re late, you’re done,” she said emphatically as he walked back and forth.

“I can’t think of anything Lana! I-I don’t know! W-Will you ple—” A loud ringtone sounds coming from the center table.

Lana stopped walking and we looked at each other almost at the same time. My cell phone. Nervously, I tried to take it and held my breath to look at who it was, but I was the one being toyed with, my Uncle’s number was registered, which made me even more nervous. I was scared, I was scared to hear my uncle’s voice again. I know he’s angry now because I’ve done what he dislikes most of all.

Keeping the secret.

I feel like I’m going to lose my heart because of its excessive strength and it’s just about to leave my chest. With the strength of my heartbeat, the volume of my cell phone is still in sync.

“U-Uncle,” softly but enough to know that I was scared.

No one answered, but deep breathing I could hear. Even Lana was almost stuck on the stand because of no answer.

“U-Uncle—”

[Where ‘s my grandchildren, Veron?] emphatically saying this.

“T-They’re asleep,” I answered quickly.

I don’t know if my answer is correct, as long as I know I’m telling the truth to my Uncle.

[Did I fail to raise you, Veron? Tell me how? Is that what I taught you when you were children?]

I was completely weak, it was just in his voice that I could feel that he was lacking in me, his words and questions that were crushing me even more.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I’ll explain—”

[Of the three of you, you are the one who often tells the story, you are the one who spontaneously accuses me. Was the time I gave you before? Am I that hard to approach? You chose to hide the truth from us and stay away.]

I couldn’t stop sobbing, even if I covered my mouth I couldn’t hide all the pain. Even my tears I could no longer control.

[I’m waiting for your calls and I’m hoping you’ll tell a story and tell the truth. But you always end up our conversation to say you’re busy and you have to work but the truth is you have to feed your twins.]

“I-I was scared then, maybe you kids will drive us away…” I sobbed.

I heard its resounding laughter. [You think, I can do that to you? Whenever you have committed a sin before, have you been kicked out? No. Simple saying sorry and admit your mistake, and we’re gonna be okay again. I don’t know where I went wrong in teaching you, I don’t know why you’re acting like that Veron. You don’t know how you worry us,] it said hoarsely.

I feel like a child being rebuked for a sin I repeat over and over again. Crying and not knowing what to say reason.

[Come home here. We will be waiting for you. Take the kids, do we understand Veronika Azusa?] Calm but strict saying it.

I nodded quickly, while having a hard time breathing because of the weight I was feeling.

[Stop crying my little Veron… you have to rest. Take your children aside. I love you. Good night.] Cutting the one on the other line I felt exhausted all the air in my body.

The water and heat were exhausted. Lana just gave me a hug as the tears came out.

The next day the children were no longer beside me, I could hear their weak laughter and Lana’s voice obviously telling a story. I never left the room and decided to just stay in bed. My idiocy was also quickly cut short by a loud ringing from the cell phone, I no longer bothered to look at it and quickly answered.

“H-Hello?” I said softly.

[How are you?] Nikasha’s voice was weak.

I smiled bitterly then stared at myself in the mirror, with obvious swelling of my eyes and redness of my nose.

“I-I’m okay.”

[Hmm. Your kiddos?]

“In the living room, with L-Lana,” I answered weakly then adjusted the blanket.

[Did you introduce us to your children?]

“Yeah. I did.”

[E, the father? Where is he? Who’s that irresponsible man?] she asked as if just investigating.

I just keep my mouth shut and even if I want to tell the truth I can’t. I don’t want them to know that the father of the two is just one of the people in the mansion.

[Not ready huh. So, what is their name?]

“E-Evan Trey and Inah Esmeralda,” I said briefly.

I could hear nothing else on the other line but the movement or rotation of the swivel chair orwhatever she sits on.

[Trey? As in three?]

“Yes.”

[Hmm. Surname?]

“I used mine,” was my simple answer because maybe what else can I answer that I don’t need.

[Good. I don’t know what’s going on and what happened because obviously you didn’t say anything to me and us before. I don’t know what went into your collarbone and you thought of leaving just to hide your pregnancy. Don’t you know that many businessmen say they know uncle that you have a big womb? That you have two kids with you often? Of course not. You worry us especially uncle. He always asked me if you had ever called me, if you had ever told the truth.]

I close my eyes to the sermons I hear. I no longer complain about what she says because honestly, I will no longer be hurt by what she says because she is Nikasha, my twin will say everything she wants to say.

[About their father. I don’t know if that’s kind of one night stand, rape, or what, but please, let the father of those. It looks like their father doesn’t matter because everyone just depends on you and worst is he left you. You decide whether you come home here or not, with your children, we don’t care about the father of those children if you are not responsible, as long as you come back here] long explanation and sermon then I nodded slowly.

“Okay.” I hung up the phone on my own.

I no longer feel like talking and I don’t want to talk to them while my brain is closed. I don’t know if I will side with what he says their father is worthless because in the end I was the one who stayed away.

After those days I decided to buy a new cell phone and cut off communication with them so I could fix myself. I want to be alone with my children first. I want to be alone.

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