XXX. Thanksgiving-1

"When we feel weak, we drop our heads on the shoulders of others. Don't get mad when someone does that. Be honored. For that person trusted you enough to, even if subtly, ask you for help." Lori Goodwin Chapter XXX – Thanksgiving Mom stayed with me all the time except when she needed to eat or get coffee or take a phone call. She didn't leave me alone long enough for Dad to come back, and I felt incredibly sick having such a big secret. You'd think I'd be used to keeping secrets from my mom after moving to Providence, but this was just too big. Dad was alive. Her husband was alive. It had always just been a fact. Something that had happened many years ago. Dad had died. My dad had died. I didn't have a dad. Mom was a widow. But to think that it had all be a lie. He had been alive all this time … and he was only telling me now? What if my life hadn't been in danger, would he have still been in hiding? I had so many questions, and no way of asking them. I was on the verge of making up some excuse of wanting something from home just to give him the chance to come back when a nurse knocked on the door. "Excuse me, ladies, but I've got a very handsome young man wanting to visit Sara. Sorry Dr Bryant, but you know the ICU rules. Only one visitor at a time." Thoughts of my dad left me head when I realised that Shea was here. Embarrassingly, the machine that was monitoring my heart began to rapidly beep. Both Mom and the nurse exchanged an amused expression. "Can't you shut that off?" I pleaded. The nurse conceded and came to switch the machine off. "Just while your boyfriend's here," she told me, as the humiliating beeping ceased. She and Mom both left my room, and a moment later, Shea was standing in the doorway. But he didn't look like Shea. He looked a wreck. He looked exhausted, and completely shattered, as if he hadn't slept in days. Like Mom and my dad, he too didn't look as though he had changed clothes since I had been brought to the hospital. But as he looked upon me, all I saw was guilt and shame. I was momentarily thankful that the heart monitor was switched off, as my heart was doing bellyflops. I then remembered that Shea could hear it anyway. I wanted to get out of this bed to hug him, but I had all sorts of wires and IVs coming out of my every nook and cranny. As I hadn't been out of the bed to pee, I was also certain I had a catheter, which I did not want to bring attention to. "Shea, please come in," I urged. He obeyed me, placing his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he made his way over to me slowly. As he came closer, I could see the effect of him not getting any sleep. He had dark, dark shadows under his eyes, and the whites were incredibly bloodshot. He sat down in what had become Mom's chair, tentatively watching me. He looked so uncertain. He took his hands from his pockets and placed them on the edge of my bed. "You lost your spleen," was all he said. His voice was hoarse, but soft. My eyes flicked down to my abdomen, and Shea's followed, as I nodded. "The doctor told me it was too damaged to save," I replied. Shea sucked in a breath. "I … I've … I've been trying to research. I can't get myself to comprehend the information. The doctors won't tell me anything because I'm not family … and your mom … well, what does that mean for you?" he asked me cautiously. I had asked my mom this very question once I had wrapped my head around the fact that I was now missing an organ. "Mom told me that the spleen is like a blood filter. I can live without it, but I'm more prone to infections now. I suppose I'll learn to adapt and manage my health a little more cautiously than I did before," I replied. I hadn't honestly thought much about how my life would change without a spleen. I wondered what sort of infections I might pick up? Would I always be on anti-biotics? I suppose this was the benefit of having a doctor for a mother. Whenever questions popped into my head, I had a walking encyclopaedia. "Shea," I said softly, taking his hand that had been resting on the edge of my bed. He immediately snatched it away. I frowned. "Shea," I said again, firmer this time, "this isn't your fault. I don't blame you in the slightest. Neither does Mom." Shea let out a sarcastic laugh. "Not my fault?" he challenged. "I left you alone and now you're missing an organ. You could've died! You were snatched from right under my nose and I didn't stop it." Shea buried his head in his hands. I felt annoyed. I was annoyed that Shea couldn't see how completely wrong he was. He had to know that this was all Lex's fault. I wasn't to blame. He wasn't to blame. Only Lex. Lex had been the one to take me. And if he hadn't done it in Charlotte, he would have done it in Providence. But I forced myself to see it from Shea's point of view. He wasn't thinking rationally. And he wasn't thinking from the perspective of a human. I was his mate. He was biologically programmed to love and protect me, and he felt like he had failed me. "If … if I hadn't embarrassed you, if I hadn't sent you running from me, you would have stayed with me." Shea's eyes had become glassy. "I was stupid, stupid letting you go. I was only five minutes behind you when I could smell what had happened. I followed your scent until it stopped, when he put you in a car, and you were gone. You were gone!" A tear escaped Shea's eye and he quickly wiped it away. I wanted to sit up so desperately to wrap my arms around him. "You were missing for thirty-two hours because I was careless, and I don't know how you could ever forgive me, because I can certainly never forgive myself." "I was missing for thirty-two hours because a man made the choice to take me from that parking lot," I said slowly and insistently. "I'm alive because the people that I love looked for me and found me in time to get me help." Screw it, I leaned forward, ignoring the dull ache and pull of the stitches and bandages and took Shea's hand again. "Are you okay?" Shea laughed a short laugh, before letting out a sob, quickly burying his face in my hands. I felt his tears and my heart just broke. I loved him so much and seeing this kind of pain hurt more than any knife.