Chapter 97 YOU ARE… RAINA.
\~~~RAINA.
My heart hammered in my chest as Alessia's words hung in the air.
Luciano told her, from the beginning.
The room spun a little, and I pulled back gently from where I had been leaning forward, my eyes instantly lacing with tears.
They burned hot, spilling over before I could stop them. “God, why didn't you say anything?’' I whispered, my voice breaking.
Alessia just watched me with that same calm expression, her eyes soft and steady. She didn't flinch or look away, which only made me feel more exposed. "I wanted you to tell me yourself,” she said quietly. “Besides, it looked like you were struggling with it yourself.”
Her words hit me like a wave, and I burst into tears. I shook my head hard, like I was trying to deny it all. “God, I must have looked so stupid,” I sobbed, covering my face with my hands.
The shame washed over me, thick and suffocating. How could I have walked around like that, smiling and nodding, while everyone knew? I felt like a fool, a puppet in my own life.
“Oh, goodness, no!” Alessia shook her head quickly, reaching out a hand but not touching me yet. Her voice was firm, like she really meant it. “You didn't look stupid at all.”
“Yes, I did,” I insisted, my words tumbling out between gasps.
“I walked around freely, pretending to be someone else. Even after you told me everything about your family that no one else knows. How could I…” I gasped, the air catching in my throat.
Those night talks at the bar and at the cafe, while she shared her stories about her childhood, her fears, and everything, had all replayed in my mind.
I had listened as Talia, but it was me, Raina, who had bonded with her. The guilt twisted deeper, making my stomach churn.
Alessia moved closer on the sofa, her knee almost brushing mine. But I was quick to shift back, maintaining that space between us. I couldn't handle the closeness right now.
“I wasn't really bothered, come on,” she said gently. “You are a good person, and that never bothered me for once.”
“It never did?” I asked, lifting my head just enough to meet her eyes. Doubt swirled in my chest.
How could she say that? I had lied to her face every day.
“Nope,” She shook her head again, her smile small but genuine.
“I was worried about you instead. Seeing you carry all that weight, and pretending... it hurts to watch.'
My throat tightened again, a lump forming that made it hard to breathe.
“Then why didn't you say anything?” The question came out sharper than I meant, laced with the pain I had bottled up for months.
“Because it wasn't my place,” she answered honestly, her gaze never wavering.
“And because Luciano asked me not to.”
That name again. It always came back to him, like a shadow I couldn't escape.
Luciano, with his knowing eyes and silent judgments. My hands clenched in my lap, nails digging into my palms.
“He wanted to protect you,” Alessia continued, her voice softening. “In his own twisted, frustrating way, of course. But he really meant no harm. He even warned me not to act coldly towards you because of that.”
I swallowed hard, the bitterness rising in my throat. Protect me? By letting me drown in my own lies?
“That doesn't make it hurt less,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. The wound was still open, and raw from yesterday's fight.
“I know,” she replied softly, her eyes full of understanding. She didn't push or argue, she just let the words sit there.
Silence stretched between us for a moment. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was just heavy, like the calm before a storm. I stared at the floor, at the intricate patterns in the rug, blinking rapidly to fight the tears that threatened to spill again.
“I never wanted this,” I admitted finally, my voice cracking as fresh tears broke free. They streamed down my cheeks, hot and unrelenting.
“Any of it. I never wanted to be here, in this life, under this name. I never wanted to lie to you all this bad,” The words poured out, carrying the weight of my parents' expectations, the pressure to save the family by stepping into Talia's shoes and I had hated every second, but I did it anyway.
For them and for the money that kept our home from falling apart.
“I believe you,” Alessia said simply, her tone steady like an anchor.
“And now…” I hesitated, wiping at my face with the back of my hand. “Now that everything is exposed, I honestly feel like there is nothing left of me here. I mean… There never has been.'
I glanced around the living room, at the fancy furniture that screamed wealth I never asked for. This house, this marriage…
It all belonged to Talia, not me.
Who was Raina in this place? A ghost?
My family would never willingly drop me in this family.
One as powerful as this.
Only Talie fitted that standard.
She reached out and squeezed my hand gently, her touch warm and reassuring. “You're still you, Raina. No matter what name you answered to.”
I let out a shaky breath, but the doubt lingered.
“You don't understand, you really don't. Luciano wasn’t wrong after all, he was right. I lived like her for six months, and I forgot how it feels to be me again. I don't know who I am anymore. I suddenly started liking dark clothes, and that is weird because I hated them. I can't…” My voice trailed off, the confusion overwhelming. The bright colors I once loved had faded and now I reached for blacks and grays, mirroring Talia's style without thinking.
It scared me, how much I had changed.
“That is okay, Raina, it really is,” Alessia said, her grip tightening just a bit.
“You are allowed to be lost for a bit. What really matters is pulling yourself back up,” She spoke with such conviction, like she had been through her own storms.
I looked at her then, really looked at her. There was no judgment in her eyes, and
no flicker of disappointment. Just concern and care, pure and simple.
It made my chest ache differently, not with pain, but with something almost like hope. “Why are you being so kind to me?” I asked quietly, my voice raw from crying.
“Because you are family,” she said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
But I shook my head, wiping off my tears with trembling fingers.
“I am not. Talia is.” The truth hurt to say aloud.
Talia, my sister, the real one who should have been here, laughing and living this life.
“I do not deserve to be here. I don't want to be here... anymore.” The sob that followed was raw and loud, tearing from deep inside me. It echoed in the quiet room, leaving me gasping.
Alessia watched me for a whole moment, her face etched with empathy. Then, without a word, she covered the distance between us and pulled me into a tight hug.
Her arms wrapped around me firmly, holding me as I broke down completely. I buried my face in her shoulder, the sobs shaking my body.
For the first time in what felt like forever, I didn't feel alone in the mess I had made.