Chapter 189 OUR LIVES.
\~~~VIKTOR.
My heart skipped a beat the moment I heard the word from Alessia.
Pregnant? That word hung in the air like a bomb that had just gone off.
I stared at her, my mind racing, trying to make sense of it. P... pregnant? That must be a joke, right? We had only been together for two months, almost three now and the one thing that had never crossed my mind was something like this.
A baby? In our lives? It felt impossible, and like a dream I hadn't even dared to have.
I ran my hand through my hair, feeling the short strands under my fingers, and let out a long exhale. The kitchen around us seemed to fade, the plates from breakfast were still on the table, and the sink where she'd been sick just minutes ago. All of it blurred as I focused on her face, pale and wide-eyed. “Are you sure?” I asked, my voice coming out rougher than I intended.
“I mean... I can't be... I just... I need to check it out,’' she replied, her words tumbling over each other. She looked as shaken as I felt, her hands twisting together in front of her.
“How?” I pressed, stepping closer. My mind was spinning with questions. What did this even mean for us? For the life we had built so quickly, in the shadow of our world?
“I'll make a run to the store down the street and get a pregnancy kit and then…” She trailed off, biting her lip.
“I will go,” I said firmly, dropping my hands on her shoulders. Her skin was warm under my palms, and I squeezed gently, trying to steady us both. I couldn't let her go out like this, not when she was already feeling sick and nervous.
“Are you sure?” she asked, searching my eyes.
“Just sit tight. I'll get it for you,” I gave her a small nod, hoping it looked more confident than I felt.
She nodded her head slowly, and I turned to leave the kitchen. But then her voice stopped me. “W... wait.”
I turned back to look at her, and my eyes dropped to her fingers. She was picking at her nails, a habit she had when she was nervous. It tugged at something in my chest, seeing her like this, vulnerable. She was nervous too, and that made it all too real.
“What if it's true?” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath.
I crossed the space between us in two steps, cupped her face gently, and kissed her lips softly. It was a light touch, meant to reassure her and maybe myself. I didn't say anything as words felt too heavy right now. Instead, I just held her gaze for a second longer before walking away, my heart pounding in my ears.
I changed my shirt quickly in the bedroom, grabbing a clean one from the drawer to shake off the morning's mess. My hands shook a little as I buttoned it up, but I pushed it down.
I snatched my car keys from the hook by the door and exited the house, the cool morning air hitting my face like a slap.
The drive to the store down the street didn't take long, maybe five minutes tops. I parked haphazardly, not caring about the lines, and strode inside. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, and the aisles were mostly empty this early. I headed straight for the pharmacy section, my eyes scanning the shelves. Pregnancy tests and there they were, a row of boxes with smiling women on the front. I grabbed one and paid at the counter. The cashier didn't say a word, just rang it up and handed me the bag. I was back in the car before I could overthink it, the kit burning a hole in my pocket.
When I got home, Alessia was waiting by the door, her arms wrapped around herself like she was holding everything in. Her eyes lit up when she saw me, a mix of hope and fear. “Got it,” I said, holding up the bag.
“So, how do we do it?” I asked as we stepped inside, closing the door behind us. My voice sounded steadier now, but inside, my stomach was in knots.
She took the bag from me, her fingers brushing mine, and explained it step by step. It was simple, pee on the stick, wait a few minutes for the result. But nothing about this felt simple. She headed to the bathroom, the door clicking shut softly. I paced the hallway, glancing at my watch every few seconds.
What if it were positive? What if it wasn't? Either way, our lives were about to change. I leaned against the wall, rubbing my neck, memories flashing through my mind.
I had never wanted a baby. Growing up as a shitty boy in a rough part of town, and an even worse toddler before that, all I knew was hardness and pain. My parents? Barely there. Fights, yelling, and empty promises so I learned early to fend for myself, to build walls high.
By the time I was working for Luciano, family meant loyalty to him and I was like a brother, not blood. The idea of bringing a kid into this world, into my world of shadows and danger, terrified me. I didn't even know how to be a good man sometimes, let alone a father. What kind of life would that be? Guns and threats, late nights and risks. No, I had never imagined it.
But then the bathroom door opened, and Alessia stepped out, her face unreadable. I entered after her a few minutes later, she'd said to give it time, and took her in my embrace right away. She melted into me, her head on my chest, and I held her tight. The small stick sat on the counter, taunting us.
“The result should be out,” she sniffed, her voice muffled against my shirt.
I hugged her tighter, then pulled back just enough to kiss her forehead. Her skin was soft, warm.
“I love you,” I murmured, the words coming from deep inside.
She nodded her head, and whispered back, "I love you.”
With a deep breath, she picked up the kit, her hands trembling. She gasped almost immediately, her eyes widening.
I took it from her gently, staring at the bold font that read 'pregnant.' Two lines, and it was clear as day. Positive. It hit me like a punch to the gut. My breath caught, and for a second, the room spun.
She is pregnant. We were having a baby.
All those doubts crashed in with my shitty past, and the fear of repeating it.
I had never pictured this, and never let myself. But then I looked at Alessia, and at her hopeful eyes, shining with tears. Her smile, small but real, mixed with the sobs she was holding back. She looked so beautiful, and so full of light at that moment.
And suddenly, none of it mattered. I wanted this. I wanted everything with her. A family. God, I'd never imagined having another one aside from Luciano, who was like the brother I never had. But with her? Yes. A thousand times yes.
I closed the space between us, dropping the kit on the counter with a soft clatter. My hands trembled as I touched her face, cupping her cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears. “S... sweetheart…” I started, my voice thick.
“W... we're having a baby... what do we... what do we do?” she stuttered, her eyes searching mine.
“What do we do? Take classes on how to become proper parents in this twisted world of ours, my lady,” I said, forcing a grin. The words came out lighter than I felt, and we both laughed. A shaky, relieved sound that echoed in the small bathroom.
“I'm going to be... a mommy?” She sobbed then, the joy and fear spilling over.
I moved away from her shaking my head at myself. I looked around the bathroom, but nothing felt right. Inspiration hit, and I rushed to the bedroom, Alessia following close behind, her footsteps quick and uncertain.
“Is something wrong? You don't want this?’' she asked, her voice cracking with worry.
I didn't answer right away. Instead, I spotted the vase on the dresser, full of fresh flowers we'd bought last week. I grabbed a tiny stem of a simple daisy, delicate and white, then turned back to her. Closing the space between us again, I knelt down on one knee, the carpet soft under me. My heart hammered so hard I thought it might burst.
“I don't have a ring yet,” I said, my voice shaky as I held up the flower.
“What are you saying?” she whispered, her hands flying to her mouth.
“But this... this will be a symbol. I want you to be my wife, Alessia. I want you to marry me.”
“You're proposing with a flower now, baby?” She chuckled through her tears, sniffing.
“Hell, yeah.”
The words hung there, and time seemed to stop. Her eyes filled with more tears, but they were happy ones now. I stayed on my knee, the daisy trembling in my hand, waiting for her answer. In that moment, all my fears faded. This was our future… a family, a life together. And I was ready.