Chapter 179 IN MY DREAM.
\~~~RAINA.
I had a very long, sweet dream.
In it, everything felt warm and full, like the house was alive with laughter and tiny feet pattering across the floors. I saw myself chasing after them, six little ones, three sets of twins, all with Luciano's dark eyes and my smile.
They ran in circles, knocking over toys, spilling juice on the rugs, and screaming with that wild joy only kids have.
Luciano and I darted around too, trying to catch them, our hands brushing as we laughed. It was frustrating, surely with the endless mess, and the noise that never stopped, but it was so sweet.
I was a mother. Their mother. Holding them close at night, feeling their warm breaths against my skin, knowing I had built this family from the ground up. In that dream, nothing could touch us. No pain, no loss. Just us, together, forever.
But why did the news I'd just been given twist everything up?
Why did it feel like a knife cutting through that perfect picture?
I had dreamed of babies, of holding them, and loving them. And now... now they were telling me it was gone. All of it. How could that be? I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, but the dream started to fade, replaced by the sharp edges of reality.
The beeping machines, the ache in my body, the hollow spot deep inside. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and dive back in, where everything made sense.
I stayed still as Luciano patted my cheek, his touch soft but urgent. He kissed my forehead, my temple, whispering words I barely heard.
“Everything is okay, Raina. You're going to be fine. I'm right here,’' His voice cracked a little, like he was holding back his own storm.
Fine? As if. Nothing about this felt fine.
My mind raced back to it all, the rough hands grabbing me, the drugs clouding my head, and the pain that ripped through me like fire.
Marco's face, twisted with rage. Talia's cold eyes were watching it happen. There was so much blood and I could still feel the sticky warmth between my legs, the way my body had betrayed me.
No, I wasn't fine. I was shattered, pieces scattered where I'd never find them.
When he pulled back and our eyes met, my heart cracked open wider.
Luciano looked like a ghost of the man I knew. His face was shadowed, dark circles carved under his eyes, stubble rough and uneven across his jaw like he hadn't bothered with a razor in days. Lines etched deeper into his skin, making him seem older, worn down by something heavier than time. He stared at me with so much pain, it mirrored my own, but he tried to hide it behind a weak smile. I wanted to reach out to and to fix him, but I couldn't move.
Words stuck in my throat. So I just lay there, still as stone, letting the numbness wrap around me like a shield.
The doctor stepped in then, his shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor. Luciano moved aside, giving him space, but his hand stayed on mine, squeezing like he was afraid I'd slip away. The doctor leaned over, gentle but efficient. He flashed a light in my eyes, making me wince as it pierced the fog.
“Follow the light for me, ma’am,” he said softly. I did, blinking slowly.
Then he held out his thumbs. “Squeeze them. Good. Now, can you tell me your name and where you are?”
I nodded through it all, my responses flat, and mechanical. “Raina Moretti. Hospital.”
He checked my pulse, listened to my heart, then straightened up.
“You are doing well. Rest easy.” With a nod to Luciano, he left, the door clicking shut behind him.
Alessia closed the gap right after, her steps quick and soft. She wrapped her arms around me, careful not to press too hard on the bruises. “Welcome back, Raina,” she murmured, patting my back in that soothing way she had.
Her hug was warm and familiar, but it didn't reach me. I felt like I was underwater with sounds muffled, and touches distant. If I stayed like this, maybe the hurt couldn't get in. Maybe I could pretend none of it happened. So I pushed her away gently, my arms weak but firm, and sank back into the pillows. The sheets were cool against my skin, a small comfort.
“You want to sleep again?” Luciano asked, his voice careful, like he was walking on glass. He leaned closer, searching my face.
I met his eyes, then let my gaze drop to my stomach. “Our baby... is not gone. If I sleep again, I'll wake up to it right here in my stomach.” I patted the flat spot under the blanket, pressing down as if I could summon the life back.
It had to be there. It just had to.
Luciano and Alessia exchanged a glance, a quick flicker of worry that I caught but ignored. They didn't understand. No one did. I just needed to close my eyes, drift off, and everything would reset. The dream would pull me back, make it real again.
There was no way I'd failed at being a mother before I even got the chance. How could I? I'd carried that tiny spark without knowing, and had protected it in my body through all the chaos.