Chapter 95 Dirty little secret confession

Chapter 95 Dirty little secret confession
ELIANA 

“Please tell me it's not what I think…” I take a sharp breath, Zoe's words are like a punch in my guts. Slowly, I turn to look at her and it only makes me feel worse.

I open my mouth to say something, my lips quivering. Perhaps come up with a lie like I have always done or a cover up story. However, I can't bring myself to utter even a single word.

Without a word, I close my lips. I can't lie to her. I know she knows the damn truth. I recall the look in those green eyes in the hallway as she gazed at my messy hair, the hickey on my neck and my wrinkled dress. How she looked at me dead in the eyes like I’m made of glass and she could see through me.

How am I supposed to lie to her with a straight face? She knows exactly what happened. It's just that-she doesn't want to believe it. She wants me to convince her that what she saw wasn't true. I really do want to do that. I want to forget about everything. I want to pretend like it never happened but…I simply can't.

The silence between us stretches and it feels like a couple of hours have passed by even though it has only been five minutes.

Biting the inside of my cheeks, I watch quietly as reality dawns on Zoe. How her eyebrows furrow and pupils dilated in confusion when I don't respond to her question. How her green eyes widen slightly when reality sinks in and how she opens her lips as if she wants to say something but she ends up saying nothing.

“So…” She trails off after a brief silence, “It's what you think.” I finish her statement, looking away because I’m too ashamed to look her in the eyes.

“I-I know. I know.” I stutter, nodding to my own words and the corner of my lips curls up into a smile, finding my own admission funny.

I knew damn well that this day would come. The day that I would have to look my best friend straight in the eyes and tell her that I have been secretly fucking my stepbrother. However, what I didn't expect was that this day would come so soon. I thought that when this day finally comes, I would be prepared to face it but…here I am.

Releasing a deep breath, I turn to look at Zoe who is still sitting at the edge of the bed silently as she looks at me like she doesn't recognise me anymore and I don't blame her for that. I blame myself because-I don't recognise myself either.

“I know that you warned me about him, about everything. You asked me to stay away from him because he's not good for me and I agree with you. I understand where you're coming from. I really do.” I move my hands in the air, trying to explain to Zoe and hoping maybe, just maybe, she would understand me.

“I know that I’m the worst friend that has ever existed in the entire universe because I didn't listen. I have been sleeping with him and hiding it from you and you had to find it out like this way.

I know that I’m a worse daughter too. I’m sleeping with my stepbrother under my mother's nose. I know that I’m a worse niece to uncle James because all he has ever done is teach me good morals. And you, all you have ever done is watch out for me but…I did the exact opposite.” I let out a small laugh, laughing at myself for being so stupid. 

“I tried to stay away from him. I tried to not look his way every time I was tempted to gaze in his direction. I tried to ignore him and pretend that he didn't exist. I tried to ignore how he made me feel each time our hands brushed and I looked into those intoxicating blue eyes that seemed to see through me like I am a book and he can read page by page. I tried to ignore that stupid smirk and every time he smirked at me, I wanted to slap it away. I tried to ignore how good he looks in grey pants. I tried to ignore how good my name sounds whenever it rolls off his tongue. I tried to…” I heave a deep sigh, trying to catch my breath after the long overwhelming confession.

“I swear to the heavens, I tried with everything in me.” My voice is barely a whisper and I can feel tears stinging at the corners of my eyes but I blink them away. Zoe is still quiet, she hasn't said a word, just staring at me.

“Maybe…I didn't try hard enough and I hate myself for it. I hate that I failed you and everyone else that has ever believed in me. My mother, uncle James and even-uncle Robert.” I bite my lower lip, the words leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

“I hate that I wasn't strong and brave enough. Perhaps if I was strong enough, all this wouldn't have happened.” A lonely tear trails down my left cheek but I wipe it away almost immediately.

“I didn't want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you the truth. To tell you that I wasn't strong enough but I didn't know how.” A breath catches in my throat, almost choking on it.

“If you wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore after this…I’ll understand even if it’ll hurt me to lose you. I never meant to hurt you.” I turn to look at Zoe who is still quiet, perhaps wrapping her head around everything.

Heavens, this is supposed to be a happy day but I ruined it and I feel disgusted by myself.

“Please say something Zoe. Anything.” I plead because her silence is making me a little uncomfortable. I’m not used to her being this way. She's usually joyous, playful, joking around and a little sarcastic.

“Tell me how terrible of a friend I am. Tell me how bad of a daughter and niece I am. Tell me how disgusting I am for sleeping with my stepbrother. Tell me how weak I am because I couldn't fight the temptation. Come on, scold me. You can even yell at me. Maybe doing that’d knock some sense into me,” I turn around and wipe tears from my eyes, hard to hold back the emotions that have been bottling up inside me…