HELENA'S
I hurried out of the house, to the corner and at this point the tears had already started flowing down my cheeks, so uncontrollably that my entire body shook with heavy sobs. It was the way Dante's eyes sparkled when he looked at Julien, their resemblance was uncanny. They had the same deep intense eyes and gaze and I felt guilty that I had deprived Julien of his culture, but what could I have done, I was twenty years old, divorced, heart broken and in a strange country. I couldn't tell them back home and I would be forced back – it was the only solution to give him away. Yes, it was selfish but it was the only way.
I stood outside the house for more than ten minutes and I craved a cigarette, I was grateful that Antoinette hadn't come to console me, I mean how awkward would that be. But a few moments later, I heard the loud creak of the door opening and in a few seconds Dante was beside me and when I looked at him he had a glassy look in his eyes.
"I feel so guilty" I confessed, my breath hitching in my throat as I swallowed back a hiccup "I feel so guilty giving him away and now the thought of him calling someone else mama just – just – just breaks my fucking heart"
I paused to catch my breath, but the feeling I had swallowed for five years was resurfacing back at my throat and forcing to spill over
"I could have kept him – it would have been a constant reminder of you but you'd have had a son"
Before I knew it, I felt Dante pull me into his arms that felt warm with his scent, he didn't say anything at first, he just held me in place with his hands smoothing down my hair as I willed myself not to cry anymore.
"It's all my fault – I should've never sent you away. If I had known you were pregnant I would never – " I pulled away from him instantly
"Never what? kick me out? And then what? I'm the wife at home and then you frolick around town with side girl stroke high school sweetheart?"
"Helena – " he called but I turned away, there was no point rehashing old matters.
"Forget it – it's done – it's happened and we can only move forward from here – you know – have more babies" I faked a chuckle but Dante wasn't having with his forehead squeezed in what I could only interpret as annoyance.
We stared at each other for a few moments, the cold air blasting our faces and nearly turning blue.
"I know a good pub around, used to be regular. It was always warm and had a good beer and if I flirted with the bartender a little I got free drinks – he was a rude bastard but sometimes it worked" I tried to keep the air light between. I pulled Dante away from the house and we walked out into the street and hailing a nearby taxi that took us to the location.
Ollie's pub was exactly how I remembered it. Dim flickering lights in a large space, round wooden tables with chairs around and I could already see some men arguing loudly in French in the corner. The place smelled exactly the same, an odd smell that wasn't so bad but wasn't really good either but if you sat inside long enough, you began to get used to it. I pulled Dante to a table towards the corner.
"Beer's good, you should try it?" I suggested it and he looked at me strangely and I rolled my eyes instantly.
"Come on, I'm sure you can lay off the Tequila for one night?"
He ignored me, hailing for the waiter
"A glass of sipping whiskey and – " he peered at me
"Beer's fine" I said, the waiter nodded and turning to leave but I held him back "And a pack of cigarette, if it's not too much trouble"
The waiter turned to leave again but he paused and peered closer at my face "Helena?" he called
I paused and the I gasped, my hands going to my mouth "Louis?"
"Oh my God, Helena it's you – you look – well you look good either ways" he said.
I mirrored his surprised look. I mean I could have recognized him if he was still wearing his silly buzz cut but now he had his hair all grown out in messy curls over his head and nearly falling over his eyes – if not I would recognize those lazy blue eyes anywhere.
"Your hair – you grew out your hair" I said and he smirked.
"Well I – "
Dante cleared his throat interrupting him and I looked at him.
"Oh Louis, this is Dante – my husband"
"Oh" his surprise wasn't exactly a surprise "I didn't know you had game like that Helena, I mean of course you do, you did go out with Francis and he's a proper eye candy" he turned to Dante stretching out his hands but Dante only stared at them, not taking them and Louis took his hands back awkwardly.
"Well I'll be back with your drinks"
The air was instantly awkward and I wasn't sure how to poke it to lessen the tension.
"I didn't know you were such a miss popular here"
"What do you mean by that?" I looked at him and he shrugged in silence
Just then a few moments after Louis had brought our drinks and I was grateful he understood my facial expression to cut the talk on Francis, that was a chapter I wasn't ready to open. It was just a few moments later, when I heard someone exclaim.
"Oh my God, Helena!"
It was Francis, the same tall, lanky, majestic Francis with a face that looked like he was carved specially by God.
"Francis!" I exclaimed, as he pulled me to my feet and pulling me into his arms.
"I knew you'd come back – I knew you'd come back for me"
At that moment, I didn't want to look at Dante's expression because I knew he'd be fuming, but the deal with Francis was that – I never truly ended things with him before I moved back to Algreen Cove.