She didn't say anything for a moment. I knew she was thinking about it. And then, "Was that why you started pulling away from me?" she asked quietly. "I knew something was up. You usually don't text or ask to hang out with me when you're going through something." "Do I really do that?" She nodded. "I'm sorry, Tal." "S'okay. I know you're super strong. And I know I'm... not as strong as you are. But I want you to know that you can still talk to me, and I'll try my best to listen and be there for you. Aw, Kar, what's wrong?" I wasn't crying, but my throat felt tight. I sat up, rubbing my neck with my hands. "He's gone." "What? Girl, you scared him off already?" I chucked a piece of mushroom at her as a self-deprecating laugh trickled out. "Maybe I did. I think I did, just as I do with everyone around me." The last part I said under my breath, not meaning to say it, but she heard it. "Aw, girl, that's not true." Now she looked mad. "You take care of the people you keep close to you. You make them smile and cheer them up just by being near you. It's your aura. It's so strong people can't help but want to be around you." She shifted so that she was facing me. "It's like everyone is worried about what other people say about them," she continued. "But not you. You just do you, because you know what's important. You say what you think or feel regardless of what other people will say and you go for the things you want. Without apologies. Without giving a damn of other people's expectations... unlike me. And you know what? People feel that, and they are drawn to it because it's... fearless. And it's so freaking cool. Do you want me to continue kissing your ass with the truth?" She laughed when I threw myself at her and hugged her. She was so tiny I could squeeze all of her with my long arms. "Now talk to me and tell me everything." And so I did. She was just quiet, listening to me without interruption. Her face showed her reactions though and I laughed at some of them. Some parts I left out, needing to keep them to myself. I was always that way, even when I was a kid. Leaving details out, not revealing enough, but I thought I had gotten better. "So," she said after I finished. "Python?" I shook my head. "Oh." She frowned. "Garter snake?" "Far from it." "Wild boar? Starfish? Crocodile? Tell me! I'm running out of animals!" I bit my lip. "Tell me," she said breathily. "Anaconda." We both looked at each other for a moment, eyes shining with suppressed laughter. And then we started giggling like little girls. "Ayayay!" She wiped her eyes. "For real though?" I nodded. A creepy smile on my face. Her mouth formed into an O. "Whew!" She blew out a loud breath, fanning her face. "Did you touch it?" she asked in a whisper. I burst out laughing. She was priceless. "No." "And you guys didn't have sėx, right? I mean you don't have to touch it to have sėx." Her nose twitched. "I'm sure of it. I mean I'm in college and I'm still a virgin but I'm pretty knowledgeable about these things. We've researched enough of it, you and I. So," she took a breath. "You guys didn't...?" I shook my head, feeling my face grow hot. "It's funny you know when we talk about sex and blowing a guy's brains out because, you know, we're so hot, but when faced with it in real life, it's... it's pretty scary." "I wouldn't know. Tell me, tell me, tell me." She bounced. "Wait. You mean his massive penis scared you, right? That's what you mean?" "No, Tal! You shithead." I gave out a short laugh. "Well... I guess, yeah. I mean, come on. No pun intended." I wiggled my brows and she laughed. "But that's not what I'm trying to say. It's like..." I blew out a breath, gathering my thoughts. "Sharing your body with someone... it doesn't feel like it's just your body you're giving to him. It's your heart and mind and soul—your vulnerabilities, your trust, the entirety of who you are, you're giving him all of that. You're entrusting all that to him and believing and hoping that he will cherish it and not use it to destroy you. And that once you have, you can never get that part of you ever again. And it's terrifying." "That was so deep. I love it. And yes, I know what you mean," she said. "Are you really falling for Mr. Complicated and Mysterious?" I rose, grabbed another beer. My throat felt dry. I finished half of the bottle, wiped my mouth on my sleeve and said, "I think I don't want to be in love with him." "But why?" I glared at her. She was already on Team Cameron. I could see it in her eyes. "Maybe I was just caught up in the moment. The rain, his confession, the kiss, the man. It was perfect. Maybe I'm just infatuated." "He scares you, doesn't he? Because he's already gotten under your skin and you can't get him out even if you wanted to. He's like a tick. The more you try to pull out those fuckers, the more they burrow." I laughed without humor, drank more beer. "He wants me to trust him, not ask him any questions and just trust him, but he left. Without a word. How the hell did that translate to you are important to me? I'm not asking him to spill his life story to me, although I want that, yes. But I just need him to... trust me too. It's a two-way street. He's asking me to trust him when he can't do the same thing to me." I sighed with exasperation, walked to her bed, and sat. The blanket on top of her bed was blue. Very, very close to the shade of blue of his eyes. I wanted to burn it. I wanted to hug it. "It's my fault for getting hurt this way. I thought... after he said all those things to me about wanting to protect me, that I'm important to him, that he won't let anything bad happen to me and that he's never felt this way before about anyone and he's scared he'll screw it up. What was I supposed to think? What's all that mean? But it's my fault because I believed him, and I expected so much, built it all up in my head." She shook her head. "Don't be stupid, Kar. I have three kids and a big ass mansion and I'm pregnant with our fourth kid with my crush. And he doesn't even know I exist. And Mr. Complicated just pretty much confessed his feelings to you. If I were you, I'd have already picked out the venue for our wedding and where we're going for our honeymoon. But that's just me." She winked. "You can't blame yourself for thinking all these things after what he told you." I let out a laugh. "I love you." "I love you too, girlfriend. I think you do tend to have really strong reactions, but it's who you are. And if you've dished out your worst at him already and if he comes back, you know he's the one." "Where are you getting all this good advice from anyway? Did you have a secret marriage I didn't know about?" "All those Asian drama shows I've been watching trained me to be a master. I don't have a love life so I live vicariously through them." She wiggled her eyebrows. "You know what I think?" she continued, sitting beside me on the bed. "He has some complicated issues he needs to take care of before he can be with you. Who knows? I think you've met your match, Kar. Of course it won't be easy. Did you expect it to? You'll take it for granted if it was. You've been working so hard all your life that I don't think you'll welcome anything easy." I frowned, digesting her words. "I think... he's going to break my heart if I give him more." "Then let him fix it again. Isn't that part of falling in love?" If it was, I wanted no part of it. I knew this because more than a couple of weeks had passed without a word from him. And then... I saw him again. He had no idea what was coming. All I knew was that he'd better start praying.