Chapter 77

POV Clayre

After all the procedures and the doctor explaining the cause of death, we leave the hospital stunned. We sit in the taxi that Jack insisted on paying for to take us to Miami, for the safety of the baby. Tears escape, wetting my face, and I look at the fragile baby now sleeping in Jack’s arms. Even though I hate the fact that she was able to cause me so much pain, I know I will love him and take care of him with all my heart.

"Jack, I promise to be the best mother your son could have, the mother I never had and always dreamed of having. I promise to love him with my life, just like I love you."

Jack can’t hold back his tears and squints his eyes, trying to contain his tangled emotions.

"I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to carry a mistake of mine."

I place my hand on his lips, covering them.

"Never say that again. We will take care of him, Liam will never be a mistake. Family has never been about blood. In a few days, we will find out if I am healed after a long treatment, and we will take care of him together."

Jack hugs me as we admire his angelic little face, with the best smell in the world.

"The family we choose, Clayre, every day."

"Forever!" I snuggle close to his side.

The trip to Miami is silent. After a few hours of traveling, Jack rests while I stay with the baby. Liana had chosen the name, Liam. We could change it, but looking at his little face doesn’t allow me to. She chose it, and it will stay that way. I hold him so tightly in my arms that I check every minute to make sure I’m not hurting him.

When we arrive at the building, we go up to the apartment. We pass through the living room, lost, and head to the kitchen for some water. My mouth is dry, and my eyes hurt from crying so much. Liam is beautiful, his hair is light brown, and his stature is tiny. Jack remains pale, but calmer. He runs his right hand through his beard, his face showing uncertainty.

I rock him in my arms while thinking that maybe this is a gift from God. Since my disease is hereditary, having a child would be a risk. The child could have or carry the gene just like my mother, and it’s exactly because of this that cases like mine happen. Liam may not have been born from me, but my love for him will be the same. I admire his delicate little hands, which are together as he sleeps peacefully. Jack goes to the fridge to grab a beer. I already know he’s nervous, lost, and maybe even scared.

"How are we going to take care of a baby? I don’t know how to do this! I…" he sighs heavily, placing the drink on the island. "I’m scared," he confesses.

I slowly approach him and lean against his chest. His arms wrap around my waist, and we continue to look at Liam.

"We’ll need diapers, milk, clothes, and lots of love. Jack, we can do this. Look at him, what do you feel when you see him?"

He sighs again and smiles.

"I feel love!"

"I do too, and you know, we won’t lose anything in life. On the contrary, we will gain a family. You’ll be the best dad, maybe of course, sometimes you’ll put the diaper on wrong, but overall, you’ll be amazing."

"I’ll teach him to ride a motorcycle, make drinks, and listen to rock."

I lift my face to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Alright, Mr. Rock and Roll, but he’s a baby, it’ll take a while, but yes, he will love all of that."

Jack bites my cheek, rubbing his beard against the side of my face.

"Liam will have the best mother in the world, my love, I’m sure of it."

***

After spending the afternoon checking and buying everything the baby needs, we finally stopped to breathe. For the first time, I gave him a bottle, and I felt so much affection; I didn’t want to leave him even to take a shower. I step out of the bathroom and quickly put on my pajamas. This will be our first night with the baby, and we listen attentively to all the tips from Alexia, Jack’s mother, and my dad.

I put on my slippers, and while I was refreshing myself, Jack stayed with the baby. I head to the living room, and before I enter, I hear him questioning indignantly. I rush in, concerned, and find him holding the baby in his hands with his brow furrowed.

"Damn it, Clayre, is he sick?"

"What? What happened?" I ask, furrowing my brow as well and making a face.

"This smell isn’t normal. How can such a small creature get this dirty?" he says, and I laugh as I approach.

Jack puts him on the couch and starts unbuttoning the baby’s clothes, with an expression of extreme fear.

"Oh my God, how many times a day will this happen?"

"Many times, Jack." I help him, and once we’re done, the baby smells good again.

We sit together on the couch, admiring Liam lying in his lap.

"He smiled at me earlier!" Jack says proudly. "I was wrong not wanting to have kids; I already love him, and we haven’t even been with him for twenty-four hours."

I bring my face closer to his, and we kiss.

"Liam will love you, Jack."

"You too, my love. Tomorrow we’ll buy clothes, a cap, and a little leather jacket…" He speaks excitedly while I watch him, smiling.

***

A few days later

The confirmation that my health is 100% finally came. My father decided to sell his share in the company to his partner. The reasons: the new grandson and my real mother, who is now his girlfriend. I’ve always dreamed of having a perfect family, and of course, there is no such thing as perfection, but now we are very close to that definition. Jack, surprising everyone, is a devoted father; it’s only been a few days, but he already shows how protective he will be because he started sleeping in Liam’s room, in the caramel leather chair he insisted on buying. According to his excuses, he was watching over his dreams.

I now admire the gray sky, holding my father's arm. The dry leaves sway with the gentle spring breeze, and some slowly fall to the ground, landing on the beaten grass. For the first time, we walk among the tombstones in search of the “real” Clayre. In my mind, I picture an angel floating, wanting to comfort him, because despite his fear, he took all the risks and never lacked the most important thing—love. That same love that now hurts his heart because, no matter how great it is, there would always be room for as many children as he had.

We cross a few tombstones and step over the leaves, analyzing each inscription, looking for the name. In one of the last ones, located in the center of the vast area, we spot hers, the one that should have been mine, but has been with her for 18 years. His body stiffens, his legs threaten to give way, his eyes redden, intense and full of tears, and I hold his hand, giving him strength.

"Father, I know you're scared, that you want to be strong, but don't! Let the pain take over you and cry, free yourself from that feeling, from the guilt you think you have. But I promise you, Clayre knows how much you love her, and wherever she is, she is happy to have such an amazing father."

We walk closer to the black granite tombstone and find an inscription in memory: "The longing is immeasurable, just as our love for you, which will transcend time, our beautiful shining star." I can't hold back the emotion from the identity crisis that takes over my heart, and we just cry together in silence. Amidst so many reasons that surrounded my mind for Liana's disregard, I never imagined such a bitter truth.

My father hugs me, and we comfort each other for long minutes. The feeling is that part of me was in there with Clayre, a part that was missing to fill the loneliness I felt. A gentle breeze and the sound of birds singing bring calm, and the feeling that we are not alone.

"Daughter, you know... God has been so good to me, that even losing a daughter, he gave me another wonderful one."

"If Clayre were alive, she would love you too. It’s impossible not to love you; you’re the best father in the world. Family is not just blood; it’s about fighting for each other, loving, and never abandoning—it's about love."

"I love you, daughter," he says lovingly, and a sweet voice speaks next from behind us.

"I love you too, Clayre, or Star..." my mother Emma confesses, and I turn my body to see her.

"She came, she’s ready for us to live together, as a new family."

"I don’t feel alone anymore, and I promise I’ll be a good mother to Liam."

"Liam is a lucky boy," my father emphasizes, as I am enveloped by both of them in an unforgettable embrace—without pain, without fear. Filled with love.