Chapter 61

POV Jack

It was a dark month I lived through, and within thirty days, it feels like a hundred years have passed, and I still feel the same pain. Clayre has hatred in her words, and she doesn’t seem to be lying when she rages that she hates me. However, I know her well enough to realize that something happened. I’ve been here every day, watching her window, her shadow sometimes moving back and forth through the curtain, and I buried the desire to talk to her, dying a little more each day.

In my dreams, I have repeatedly relived our touches and promises. I’m not proud of leaving her, but I couldn’t be selfish enough to make Liana not help her. I imagined that in the future we would finally talk about it, and maybe I would have her love again. But now, looking into her eyes, analyzing every tear that falls, perhaps I should have been selfish, and this is the first time I regret something.

Clayre is the star that gives me balance, and losing her completely destabilized my life. My luck is having people around to take care of everything, because if it depended on me, I’d be bankrupt from being so emotionally fucked up. I’ve always lived on the edge, from bed to bed, with no serious commitments, and when I met someone willing to live my pace, with no pressure, she finally matched my desires, which until then, were indifferent.

Clayre appeared like a hailstorm, like a clash of particles, she was the warm air, and I was the water, almost like fire and ice. Together, we reached great heights, but the fall was like breaking into a million pieces.

I put on my helmet, but she doesn’t give me a chance. She turns her body and starts walking toward the building. I should just let her go, respect her will, but fuck it, I’ll be a damn selfish now. Without hesitation, I move toward her and hug her from behind. Her whole body shivers, my nose brushes against her neck, entering her hair that I missed the scent of, while my hands slide over her abdomen, pulling her tightly against my chest.

Her legs give way because I feel her body collapsing into my arms, and I hold her tight, wanting to never let her go.

“I love you so much.” I confess, kissing her neck.

Her tears fall onto my right arm, dripping onto my skin. I turn her toward me and look at her red face, confirming that this crying didn’t start now, something happened because her eyes are drooping and swollen. She presses her lips together, and I hold her tightly, letting her bury her face in my body to rid herself of her sadness. I don’t care if she will curse me or push me away in a moment, because it will have been worth it. I stroke her hair, and her sobs escape anxiously.

When she finally calms down, she tries to speak, but her lips tremble slightly, and the words come out muffled.

“Jack, you should be ashamed of coming here, of talking to me.” I raise an eyebrow, confused.

“I hold her face, and her skin is warm.

“And why should I be?” I ask, completely lost.

“You don’t need to pretend…” Clayre thinks for a few seconds but continues. “My mom told me that you two are together again, and you know, I have nothing to do with the choices you make, but I can’t pretend I’m not hurt. Every day…” She pauses, rolling her eyes. “Shit.” She curses and takes a deep breath. “When I think about moving on, something happens. I look at you, and your name should be Pinocchio Bourbon because only lies come out of your mouth.”

Incredibly, I start laughing at the comparison, and her face becomes grim.

“Sorry, but my nose isn’t that big. I’ve lied a few times in my life, but not to the point of being a liar like you’re implying, and another thing, the main one, I’m not with your mother. Where did you get that from? Why don’t you even know how I’m doing, how can you be so sure of that? You’re crying over a lie, I only spoke to your mom once this past month, and it was about the second consultation.” Clayre slips out of my hands and pulls away.

“I’m not crying over that, Jack. Don’t think my life revolves around you.”

“Yours may not revolve around me, but mine does. I’ve been everywhere making sure you’re okay. What if you collapse on the street?”

“Don’t do this…” she pleads sadly. “I don’t understand, my mom told me earlier this week that you were together again.”

“Your mom can’t speak for me, we have nothing. We haven’t had any contact as a couple since I broke off the engagement.” Clayre sighs and hugs me tightly.

Her small hands roam my back as she smiles.

“What was that?” I tease, kissing the top of her head.

“I’m sensitive, I needed a hug.” She reveals shyly, pulling away again.

“I need you to understand something.” I take her right hand, and her face rises to look at me. “It doesn’t matter if I’m having a baby with your mom, Clayre, I love you. I won’t be any less of a father because I’m not in a relationship with her. Remember when you said at the bar to wait for me? That I just had to ask? Well. I want you to wait for me!”

Her gaze fixed on mine is lost, searching my face.

“That was a month ago, Jack, before I knew you were going to be a father. Your child will be my brother or sister, that’s a little confusing for me.” Clayre turns her face, admiring the stars.

“What happened? Why are you so sad?” She stays silent for a few minutes and then sits on the sidewalk, and I do the same.

“Well, I was happy. I had placed all my hopes on today. Liana was going to get the blood test to check compatibility, but she didn’t show up at the hospital. I waited until she finally sent me a text saying she couldn’t do it, but she hopes I find a donor. I don’t have the courage to tell my dad. He’ll be devastated.”

I’m startled by her revelation.

I gave up my sanity, the feeling I had, Clayre’s love for Liana to take the test, and it simply didn’t happen? I fill my lungs trying to suppress the anger that grows throughout my body, wanting to release all the hatred that woman has caused me. The only explanation for this is that she deceived us so that we wouldn’t be together. To hurt her daughter, to make her suffer. She made her hope and then destroyed her.

Clayre gets up when she sees my reaction and widens her eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“I need to go.” I’m furious, and if I don’t leave now, I’ll tell her everything, but it’s not for me to confess, it’s Gerald’s responsibility who asked me to do this.

I approach her and kiss her lips. The soft texture of her skin, her aphrodisiac scent, her small hands immediately wrapping around my neck pulling me closer so our mouths don’t disconnect—this is my surrender. I slip my tongue around hers, letting my desire savor her unforgettable taste with a devouring appetite. The emotional connection we share is above any conflict because we always come back to each other, even when we fight, even when we’re overwhelmed by anger and resentment.

This magnetic attraction that’s beyond words.

We finish our kiss and linger in a game of deep stares. Her burning interest excites me, and a flame begins to burn as I imagine infinite fantasies with her. I pause my gaze on her mouth, all marked by bites, probably from the nervousness of these last few days, and I’m totally guilty of it.