Chapter 59
"Your actions don't make sense to me. I will continue to be the father of the child, Clayre will still be your daughter, so why not help her? Why demand our separation in exchange for doing the bare minimum?" I huff in irritation and place my hands on my hips.
"I won't accept it! I love you, and I won’t lose you to my daughter! We're having a baby, we had our wedding planned, and you seriously don’t see that she seduced you to get back at me? To destroy the family I'm trying to build?" His expression turns shocked, and he shakes his head.
"You can't be serious! Clayre would never do that." I lose my patience.
"You're blind! Passion makes people unable to see anything clearly..." He speaks over me, irritated.
"Anger and resentment also prevent you from seeing the truth. I can wait 20 years to be with her, I don’t care, but I will wait, dreaming of the day I will have her, without you to stop me."
Saying that only increases the feeling of outrage. What would you say to our son, Clayre's own brother? Accept it, Jack. In this whole story, she is the curse that came to mess everything up. Think calmly, organize your thoughts, but I guarantee you, you are losing the chance to build a family for a bitter girl whose only wish is to get revenge for being abandoned. I explained why I had to distance myself, it was because of family disagreements.
"Clayre said there were never any conflicts."
"You see, she twists everything. You’re thinking with your dick, think like a man and a future father." Furious, he steps away without responding.
It's frustrating to see him surrendered, like a damn dog behind a piece of meat. Little does he know, but the love he feels for my daughter fuels my anger, which grows every day, almost uncontrollable. And because of him, I will make her suffer every time I get the chance. To her, I will give contempt, to my new son, love.
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POV Clayre
Thirty days was the time I spent without leaving the apartment. To my father, I’m fine, going out every day, exercising, and meeting people. The reality, however, is that I’ve been surviving on chamomile tea, dramatic movies, and healthy fast food to keep my balance. But today, I’ll be forced to leave the prison to go to the mall. Even though I’m feeling more and more sad, I need to move forward, it’s a matter of necessity.
I get up from the bed reluctantly, the sky is blue, filled with clouds, and the sun is shining brightly. The day is perfect for escaping loneliness, but my mother wants a reconnection. At the end of the week, she will do the compatibility test, although she can only donate after the baby is born, and I accepted having her by my side today for a mother-daughter outing. I want to visit stores that are hiring for summer jobs. I’m tired of crying at night and begging the stars to ease my heart. I decided to change my corrosive mood and be a normal person. Someone who leaves the house, tries a donut, and has coffee with cream at the café.
My mother still hasn't told me about the pregnancy, and my conscience is grateful; after all, I don’t really want to know. When the name or image of “Jack” appears in my thoughts, I put on my headphones and sing loudly to my depressing songs. What soothes me is not seeing him anymore, and gradually the longing has decreased. Rebeca has been talking to me every night, and when Liana takes the test, we’ll eat McDonald's together on a live to celebrate. Her reaction to discovering the whole mess made me laugh like I hadn't in days.
I finish putting on my jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt. When I finish with the sandals, the intercom rings, and my mom is waiting for us to go together. I grab my purse and go down to the reception, and when I see her, it’s impossible not to notice her belly, looking for signs of growth. The idea of having a brother doesn’t bother me, but rather how much she will be a real mother to this child. Liana hugs me, and I return the hug.
"Shall we go? Our morning will be amazing," she announces, smiling as we walk to her car.
The drive is silent, but I sigh happily seeing the people. It feels like I was in a hole suffocating, and I’ve finally been rescued.
We enter the mall, and people are strolling through the cheerful corridors. I fix my eyes on the store windows. Liana drags me into several clothing stores, then into beauty product stores, and lastly, when my feet start to hurt, we enter a children's clothing store. A chill runs through my soul, bringing back the pain I felt with every tear that flowed down my face in the last few days.
She catches my attention and shows me a delicate little blue onesie with a teddy bear. Her eyes are shining, the smile covers half of her face, and I remain silent, wearing a serious expression. I want to smile, I want to feel happiness and believe that with my brother or sister, everything will be different, but then Jack comes, an intruder, invading my thoughts, stealing all my sanity.
"Sweetheart, I need to tell you something," she confesses, holding my hand. "Well, I should have told you earlier, but I was afraid of hurting you. Jack and I are having a baby. You’re going to have a little sister or brother." I force a half-smile.
"Mom, I don’t even know what to say." She picks up a pair of white baby shoes.
"Sweetheart, what Jack did to you is unforgivable, but now with the pregnancy, I decided to give him another chance." What she says is contradictory, it’s unforgivable, but she took him back?
"We got back together because we’re thinking about the new family we’re going to have. I hope you understand."
Her words penetrate my ears, and my chest tightens. The distress comes in the form of tears, on the edge, wanting to explode, but I keep my eyes wide open, staring at her, swallowing every sharp pang that comes and goes. My body is overcome by a sensation of crushing accompanied by oppression and sadness. Inside, I fight not to let the tears fall, and on the outside, I try to smile, looking indifferent.
What right do I have to complain? To say that this hurts? It’s all my fault, right? He was always her fiancé, I came later.
"I should have never fallen in love with my damn stepfather."
The return home is devastating, I give up on having coffee and continue fighting an internal battle. With the scream stuck in my throat, my hands trembling with nervousness, and an overwhelming desire to punch the pillows. I exchange some words with her until we stop in front of the building.
"I'll be at the hospital on Saturday at 8 AM," she announces while I get out quietly and close the door.
"Alright! See you on Saturday." She speeds up, and I let out a heavy sigh, lifting my face and glimpsing from afar my tormentor sitting on his motorcycle, watching.
My foolish heart races, almost jumping out of my chest. The repressed tears finally escape. This man is a torment, and I swore I no longer missed him until now, until I saw him. I fight against my body, which wants to follow him, and I turn, running into the building.
"I hate you, Jack."
I repeat this mantra in my mind, hoping it becomes my new truth. I wish I could take my heart, scrape all the sinful roots we’ve planted, that have already taken root in my muscles, feeding off my blood, and then purify it, but it’s not possible, and I am forced to live with this forbidden desire, shaping me every day. Almost making me beg for freedom.