Chapter 129
“Claim me?” Skylar swallowed down the laugh ready to bubble over in her throat and pollute the air. Out of everything he said, that phrase rang off in her head like a comical sign. There was not a person in the world that could say they claimed her. Property was claimable, women were not and even if they wanted to be men were given permission to. One cannot simply claim someone as theirs if the other person didn’t want to be claimed. Besides, she thought the animosity between Colin and Austin would no longer extend to her as an unwilling prize between them. What value did she have to Colin now that Austin made it clear he didn’t want her anymore?
Holding back on her instinctive response to chuckle in his face and throw him out, Skylar decided on the last minute to reign in her reaction. Colin was weirdly serious. No mocking superiority in his eyes. No over the top theatrics bold enough to assume that any person should do as he said. Instead, there was a baffling fragility that caught Skylar’s innate reaction from belting outwards without a care of whether he’d be offended. “You must be joking,” she crossed her legs under the cover of the desk, linking her fingers together over her stomach as she tried to read him but her usual tactics weren’t working. That was due to the lack of his usual behavioural patterns. Expecting him to act a certain way with an already informed mind on his reasons were no help when it was as if a different, raw version of the man was standing before her.
“I’ve never been this serious about anything in my life,” he retorted, walking further into the room, his expression almost grave and pleading. He wanted to be taken seriously, wanted his words to be treated with respect and careful consideration and these desires shone in his eyes as he came closer to Skylar.
“You cannot claim something that was never yours,” she coated the harsh words with a soothing tone to dilute its effect. The words struck him nevertheless, causing his steps to stagger, his brain momentarily unable to send commands to his body. “What would you gain from coming here and saying these things to me?” She
refused to give him leeway to speak before she was done giving voice to the words in her head.
“Is the only reason you deny me the thought that I am insincere in my affections?” He swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing.
“What do you want Colin?” Skylar question on a sigh, “and be honest this time, I am not in the mood to play games.” Taking a seat opposite her, resting his elbows on
the desk as his arms stretched outwards, too close to touch her. He tried not to think of that, of how satisfying it would be to actually have her again…and for real this time.
“No games, Skylar. I should have worked harder to convince you of marrying me when you got pregnant. I don’t know why you agreed to Austin and I don’t even care anymore.” If she agreed to give him another chance, the past would be irrelevant, he knew because as he sat before her nothing else mattered, “If you want me as I want you, I can put it all behind me. I can be better; I want you back. I want us.”
“Colin,” looking him in the eye was not an option for Skylar because as much as she could understand the pain and longing mirrored in his entire body, she couldn’t give him what he wanted.
“We can have our family again, pick up where we left off.” He was still speaking but every word, every sentence caused her to ache. She’d never cared to consider another person’s feelings when it came to matters of the heart. Most likely because she’d never truly been able to relate to the swirling emptiness lodged in her gut before. Like a piece of her had dropped off and she had no idea where to even find it. A permanent disability, that is what it felt like. Losing a limb that had primary function.
“I was never yours.” She blurted the words out with less care than she intended. Pressing her eyes shut momentarily, she opened them to look at him. She couldn’t listen to the words, to the promises, to things he wanted to give her. Not when she wanted to give that to someone else. To have someone else offer it to her.
A realisation piqued. She couldn’t force Austin to love her, she couldn’t expect it or hope of it just because she loved him. Just like she couldn’t force herself to love Colin. Sadly, for her and Colin, that realisation didn’t replace what they’d lost emotionally. Nothing she said short of accepting his emotions would be able to help him, just like nothing Austin said would help her.
He’d grown silent, his eyes glossy. “I am sorry, Colin.” She rubbed her hands over her face and exhaled deeply. “I-I can’t pretend that I want the things you are offering, I’ll be doing you more harm than good,” At the end of it all, she was the one responsible for his pain. She’d used him and she had caused damage.
Ironically, Austin accused her of wanting Colin and here Colin was asking for her and all she could think of was Austin. The entire situation was a mess and there was no one to blame but herself.
“Do you love *him*?” Colin slid his arms off he desk, his chest puffing as he leaned back in the chair. Skylar needed no clarification on who Colin was referring too but she also hadn’t the heart to answer him.
“I am really sorry Colin.” And she was. More than she thought possible.
“You do,” her response giving him enough confirmation he scoffed at himself, at his stupidity as he turned his head upwards, regaling at the ceiling. Of course she loved him. Austin had always been a better man than Colin.
“Then are you going to go through with this separation?” he steeled his expression as his eyes refocused on her. Skylar smiled disdainfully, “We can’t force someone to want us, can we?” she replied. Colin nodded absent-mindedly, Unfortunately,” he teased as he rose to his feet.
“If you ever need anything, even if you want to talk about my bone headed brother…” his voice trailed off, knowing that he meant every word. He’d listen to her even if she was talking about another man, even if that man was his brother. “I’m available.”
Appreciating the sentiment, Skylar nodded. “The courtesy is extended,” she replied with a nod as Colin adjusted his clothes and sought to leave. As his hand hovered over the door knob she spoke, “I know it won’t feel like it now, but feelings dull and change with time. I have no doubt that you’ll fall for someone again and you’ll realise that everything before could never compare.” She had hope for this. Her mother was proof and she would hold onto that until the day she died.
“Thank you,” He said without looking back at her, opening the door and escaping.
Skylar inhaled, pulling back up the emailed she drafted to her attorney, clicking send. In order to move on she had to take the first steps, regardless of how painful it would be. A ping sounded almost immediately and the email response read, ‘I’ll schedule you in for a consultation, is next week Tuesday amenable?’
She considered this, marking the date down in her calendar, “I can be in around 1:00PM.” Skylar responded, shutting down her laptop. That had taken more energy out of her than one would expect.
***
Thomas had arrived back at the Organisation’s compound only to find that Austin had taken it upon himself to lead a new mission. The man was no way in sight and there was no way to contact him without potentially blowing his cover. Thomas dropped down on his chair and groaned, wondering if he had been this stubborn when he and Avril broke up those years ago.
He probably was. How else did he expect a man to behave when potentially losing the love of his life? Being reckless was in their nature. He remembered all the suicide missions he’d gone on and how many times Austin had to personally get involved. There was a time Thomas refused to fight to live and was ready to die at any point.
He would hate for his friend to be in the same headspace. But he knew Austin. And he knew the man to be more reckless than most. He didn’t know what that would mean for his behaviour in whatever state he was in. And Thomas could guarantee that Austin was in an unfamiliar state.
The mission was due to end in a few days. He’d wait it out, perhaps it would give Austin some time to clear his head.