Chapter 38 Needing Time
Mariko's POV
Nothing had prepared me for this shocking news. I don't know what the f^ck to do or how to react. I couldn't be in the same place as Maddie because I needed time to soak this all in. It is not that I didn't want to be around her, it was just too much to wrap my mind and feelings around. Maddie doesn't have the same last name as Moses. If she had the same last name then I would've done my investigations but that still wouldn't have helped much.
The other thing is that he is back, she might run into him and I don't know how she feels about this information after everything else that he might have told her yesterday. As I sat behind my desk, my elbows on the desk and my head buried in my hands, I tried to will myself not to kill him. How sure am I that Maddie is safe with him, seem that he is capable of anything.
Does he really want to change? This was a situation that...just blew me away. The new security just pissed me off now and I need that to be handled. "What is going on?" I looked up as Reggie entered my office with his brows furrowed.
"Well, Gerard is back and he entered the building." I leaned back in my seat.
"What? Let me guess, new security," He pulled a chair out from the desk and took a seat.
"Yeah, now I have to protect everyone that I love because Maddie is his daughter," I scoffed.
"What? Are you being serious?" he asked in surprise.
"Yeah. He just had the audacity to enter this building. I know that he was in prison but we never knew how long it was until he would be out. Apparently, he wants a chance to have a relationship with Maddie. He never knew about her until recently. I just hope that Maddie will stay away from that bastard." I hissed.
"His reputation is tarnished and I highly doubt he has anything else to lose. He lost everything and he has to start all over again. His ex-wife is running that business. He won't get it back or perhaps by some miracle," Reggie replied. "Lana and Arden left. I don't blame them. Arden was beyond pissed off and I didn't want to speak to him further."
"I can't imagine they must be feeling too. I came here to deal with my own feelings about it. I can't face Maddie right now because I will not be in the right frame of mind at this moment, and when I speak to her, I don't want her to feel as if I am pushing her away because that is the last thing that I want her to feel." I sucked in a deep breath. "I just need to try to get work done and leave, but this does not change how I feel for Maddie. She is innocent in all of this. She never knew the worst things that he had done until today. So who am I to push her away?" I said.
"Take the time to deal with it, text her and then speak to her in person tomorrow. I am sure that she wants to speak to you too. She must be taking this very hard," he said.
I nodded. "I think that we both need a few hours to deal with this," I replied.
"If you need anything, then call me," he said as he stood up from the chair. "We can always go and have a drink if you want to get things off your mind."
"Thanks," I said, and then he left my office.
I just needed a few hours all by myself and to be a better person when I see Maddie again. She doesn't deserve anything worse either. She had gone through enough and I want to be there for her despite Gerard being her father.
Maddie's POV
I couldn't sit any longer at my desk because my mind was on Mariko and this situation. I wanted to check up on him but I don't know if I should or not. I can't even do my own work and I'm nauseous. If I go home, then my mind will be filled with so many thoughts and I can't have that.
Have I created this situation? Yes.
I wanted to meet my father and I did because my mother made it possible, not knowing that this would happen. I have caused more pain in others' lives today, not just my own. How can I forgive myself for that? It is Lana's trigger and the person that assaulted her was in this building that they have put behind bars.
Can I live with myself after this? Does my mother even know this part about my father?
I stood up from my desk and I walked down the hallway to Mariko's office. I didn't think about it but I just went. I needed to see him. As I stopped in the doorway, he was writing something down, and I knocked softly against the glass door. He looked up at me. His expression was neutral. I entered even though he didn't say anything.
I stopped in front of his desk. "I'm sorry..I-I didn't know he did that to Lana and...I didn't know that it would be this much worse than what I thought," I said.
"I don't expect you to know everything. After all, you have met him recently and there is a lot that you didn't expect from him." he shook his head, "I didn't expect him to be your father. If I had known, then I would've warned you to stay away from him. He brought pain to the family and Lana lost her baby because of him."
"If I had known, I would've stayed away from him and had nothing to do with him. I didn't know that he was Arden and Miranda's father either. I don't know what to do to make this right," I said as tears stung the back of my eyes.
"You don't have to do anything. But I need a few hours to wrap my head around this. It does not mean that I am walking away from you. That is the last thing that I want you to think. I just need a few hours. I don't want you to feel bad about any of these things," he held my gaze. I didn't expect him to say those words, but it still hurts to think that I might be the cause of Gerard being out of prison.
I nodded. "Okay," is all that I said.
"Are you still feeling unwell?" he asked, his expression softening.
"Yes, despite things," I let out a sigh.
"Please, go home. Take the rest of the day off. You need it," he said.
"Okay, I will text you," I replied.
He nodded, "I love you."
I gave him a weak smile, "I love you too," I said before I left.
That went well. I could breathe a little but the feelings were the same. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and I had to walk with it. Hopefully, my mother is at home so that I can inform her about him and what he has done before she falls for him again. I don't want my mother to be in a bad relationship, I want her to be happy.
She deserves the best too after life happened to her. She doesn't need Gerard. I don't want to see him again, he shouldn't even put a foot in my apartment. Most of all, how will I sleep tonight with all the voices in my head?
How do I switch that off because no matter how many days I take sleeping pills, that won't help me.