Chapter 22 Desires
Mariko's POV
I sat on the sofa in the lounge while Maddie got undressed. I had to fight with myself to control my urges when it came to Maddie. I wanted to make love to her, but now is not the right time. I have never felt this way before to this extent. She makes me feel things on a different level and what makes it more intense is the fact that we are waiting.
As I unzipped her dress, I wanted to lean down and trail soft kisses along her neck and shoulder. I wanted to undress her. She has an amazing body to die for. I have undressed her before when she was drunk, and I tried my best not to study her. Now, it was as if we are starting all over again, the sweet tension that builds up each time, the kissing is...undescribable.
My erection was now visible and I took a cushion and placed it on my lap so that Maddie wouldn't see it when she came out. I didn't want her to try to make that move just yet for s^x. "Would you like coffee or hot chocolate? I have tea as well," she said as she walked over to the little open-plan kitchen.
I felt very turned on and when I looked at her, her hair was up in a messy bun, she was wearing a hoodie. "Coffee will be great," I replied as I shifted on the sofa.
"The remote control is on the coffee table if you want to watch some TV," she said as she was busy in the kitchen.
I noticed that I was just staring into space as the thoughts I had about her were running through my mind. "Thank you," I reached for the remote control and then I switched the TV on, I searched through the channels and then Maddie came with two mugs. She gave me one and I took it from her as I placed the remote control on the arm of the sofa. "Thank you," I repeated.
"So what are we watching?" she asked as she sat down beside me, holding her own mug. But then that is when I noticed, she was wearing pajama shorts and a hoodie. She reached for a little throw over blanket and draped it over her legs.
"I got no idea," I replied, "Are you getting cold?" I asked.
"Yeah," she smiled and she blew into her mug before taking a sip. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
"I can keep you warm, if you want me to," I smirked. She looked at me.
"I would like that. But I'm comfortable here for now."
"I will take the sofa tonight. I want you to be comfortable in your bed," I said.
"I can take the sofa, its no problem for me," she argued.
"No arguments, I'm taking it," I smiled.
"Fine," she replied, taking another sip.
"So, I want to have this conversation about protection and kids," her eyes were huge.
"Okay?" she furrowed her brows. I shifted in my seat to get a better look at her. I took a sip of my coffee, the cushion still on my lap.
"Um, are you on any contraception?" I asked.
"No, I used to be on the pill, but since I haven't been dating after Ash, I stopped being on the pill. I didn't have s^x anymore after that." she replied. Something in me wasn't happy with the fact that she already had s^x, but Amber wasn't a virgin either when we started dating. Perhaps I wanted the experience with Maddie, but that is what it is.
"Would you want to go back on it? Or the shot?" I asked.
"I can see which one will be better for me," she smiled. "It's no problem for me."
"Good. What are your future goals? Marriage? Kids?" I asked.
"Um... future goals...well, I am studying fashion and Miranda approached me to work with her when I decide to. So that is one thing to look at. I plan to move out of here when the time is right. I do hope to get married one day. Hopefully it will be you," she smiled, I know that I want to make her my wife, there is no doubt about that. "I don't want any kids. Maybe that will change in the future," she shrugged.
"I do not want any more kids, I am older and I have a son that is your age. I have a toddler. I don't see myself having more kids. I don't want to be running around at an old age with babies, so I am adamant about that. I am not sure how you feel about that. If it will be a problem in the future, then maybe I am not the one for you.I do want to marry you, and when you want me, or marry me one day, that means that you are taking Bella as your own. I am having this conversation so that you know what you are getting yourself into and if this is something that you really want. This is to see where we both stand before we actually take things further and not waste each other's time. I know that I don't want to be wasting your time if any of my decisions that have already been made are an issue or might be an issue in the future. I might be straight to the point now or harsh, however you see it as, but this is needed," I said sympathetically.
Maddie's POV
I was not expecting this conversation this soon, but I think that it is a good thing to know where we both stand. It seems that we have more in common and I'm happy about that.
"I know that you and Bella come together in this relationship that we are starting and I know that I have to be there for her too. I like her and I don't mind being in her life. She needs love and I will be here to give her that. But as it comes to having my own kids, I am not ready for that and I don't think that I will ever be. I have already accepted Bella, so you do not need to worry about that," I smiled at him.
"I'm happy to hear that. I just didn't want to lose you because of Bella and the fact that I do not want any more kids. You are my type of woman," he smiled, and then he took a sip of his coffee.
"Sounds like you are my type of man."
"You make pretty good coffee," he said.
"Well, I try. Usually my own coffee sucks," I chuckled.
"Don't doubt yourself, its lovely," he replied. "I do think that when you are ready that you should give the fashion industry a try."
"I will definitely do that."
Once we were done, it was still storming outside and I left the mugs on the coffee table. As I stood up, he pulled me down onto his lap. He looked into my eyes with want. His hand was on my thigh. We kissed passionately, his hand moved towards my waist as I wrapped my arms around him.
We both gasped for air and I shifted to straddle him, his lips were parted, and I leaned in, pressing my lips against his again. I could feel his erection and I moved, the cushion that he had on his lap was beside us before I even landed on his lap.
He moaned into my mouth and I slid my tongue into his mouth. His hand moved towards my breasts and then he zipped down my hoodie but he broke our kiss as he pulled away. His hand lingered on the zip that was half way down. He was staring at the zip. Our chests heaved.
"Is everything okay?" I asked.
He snapped himself out of it, my heart was beating fast with the adrenaline pumping through my veins, I was wet in my panties and my core was throbbing. "We can't...not yet," he said, still staring at the zip.
"There is no rush," I replied. He finally looked up at me as he removed his hand from the zip and placed it on my hip.
"I'm sorry," he said sympathetically.
"We already agreed to wait, that is what we are doing, but there is no need to stop kissing though. But I will be washing up the mugs and get into bed," I said, hesitant to leave.
He nodded and let me stand up. I was disappointed to leave him. I still wanted to be in his presence, so I took the mugs and I went to the kitchen and washed out the mugs, placing them on the side of the sink. He was quiet, but he brought out all of my s^ual desires that I had suppressed, especially over the few years after Ash. I had never come across a man that would wait to have s^x. But it makes the journey so exciting.
Once I was done, I went into my bedroom and took out an extra blanket from the cupboard. I took the extra pillow from my bed and headed back into the lounge. Mariko was standing and stretching. I just stopped to take in his appearance. I snapped out it before he saw me and I moved closer to the sofa.
I placed the blanket and a pillow onto it. "Thank you," he said.
I looked at him, "If you want to share a bed with me, then you can," I said hesitantly, and I wanted that.
"I think that it would be safe if I remained here. If I were with you in the same bed, I might just want to make love to you. It is already torture for me, but once there is a form of protection, then I will share a bed with you. I just don't want to take that risk," he replied.
My shoulders sagged with disappointment, but I still tried to keep the smile. "I understand that. I hope that you will be comfortable," I looked at the sofa.
"It is always an uncomfortable space to sleep, trust me," he chuckled. "But I will take it no matter what."
"I could offer you to sleep in my mother's bedroom, but I don't want to do that."
"I understand that. I wouldn't want your mother to show up and be surprised that there is a man sleeping in her bed. That is the last thing that I want too," he chuckled.
I smiled. "Well, have a good night's rest."
"You too," he smiled, and then I went into my bed.
I really wish that he shared a bed with me. In order for that to happen, I need to either get on the pill or have the shot. I want to be wrapped in his arms the entire night and to feel his warmth. But soon I will experience that.