Chapter 19 Admitting It
Mariko's POV
I was highly annoyed with Amber last night at the function. I wanted to continue my conversation with Maddie but Amber ruined that moment, crushing my heart in the mean time. She said that she would be the one to tell everyone else about us. I don't have the energy to explain what had happened and I swear that I might loose my sh^t if anyone tries to tell me if we can try to work it out again.
There is no hope for Amber and I at all. The love that we had had died and I am not fighting for her because she might also be a danger. I will be moving into my apartment tomorrow and I will have Bella with me when I have settled into the new place. Amber made it extremely easy for me to have Bella.
As I sat behind my desk just thinking about these things, I was thinking about Maddie. She was not at work this morning. I hope that she is okay and that she didn't drink herself into a stupor. I was tempted to call her but I thought twice about it.
"What are we worried about?" Reggie asked as he now stood in front of my desk.
"A woman," I said in defeat.
"Is this about the young woman that you like?" he asked with a smirk. His hands in his pockets.
"Yes, but enough of that. I am happy that Amber is out of my life. I know that she will be around some time if she wants to see Bella. I won't keep them away from each other. There is Bradley that needs to know about the finalization of the divorce. I want peace and happiness in my life because these past few months have been...difficult for me. I had to pretend a lot and that was hurting me and I didn't like to lie to you all. I was very unhappy and I wish that something could have been done earlier. I have a woman out there that doesn't know how I feel about her and everytime I try to make a move, or to tell her how I feel. It feels as if something is holding me back," I let out a sigh.
"I want to see you happy too. If that means making a move, then do that. But only if you are one hundred percent ready. Remember, you have healing to do." he said.
"As much as I want to agree with that. I think that I am longing mostly for happiness. Over the past few years, my heart has been letting go of Amber. What breaks my heart to this day is the fact that my daughter won't have her mother present as much in her life because her mother doesn't give a sh^t about her. I think that Amber was trying to give a sh^t when we were still together." I stood up from my chair and rounded the desk. "That is the only thing that breaks my heart. But on a different topic, I need to ask Lana something," I said.
"You are a strong man," Reggie patted my shoulder as we walked out of my office.
"See you around," I told him and as I walked down the hallway, he went to his office. I wanted to check if there was work from Maddie. I didn't want her to have a pile again when she got to work and somehow I hope that she is at work today.
When I reached Lana's office, Maddie was not at her desk. Lana was typing on her laptop. "Is Maddie in today?" I asked.
"She is coming in late, she is writing a test at the university. If you want to help with her work, you can take documents from her desk. We do have a meeting later," she said.
"Yeah, I'm fully prepared for it." I smiled.
"Are you and aunt Amber okay? I felt like there was a bit of tension going on," she asked.
"Amber and I are divorcing. So nothing that anyone says to us will ever fix that. I don't want to hear anything about that. Amber chose what she wanted and we tried for five years..." I shook my head, taking in a deep breath, "We are done with no more love for each other. No more pretending. This is it," I said.
"I didn't know...I'm sorry that it didn't work out," it seemed as if she had more to say but didn't.
"It is for the best," I gave her a weak smile.
"If you need anything, we are always available. If you need time off, let me know."
"Thank you, but I got this. I am fine. I will go and get that pile of work before Maddie gets back," I said, and then I left the office.
I didn't want to talk about it, because I know that once everyone knows about it, they will ask questions and be sympathetic. I didn't need that right now. I just want to focus on my daughter and happiness.
Maddie's POV
I was a bit hungover this morning, but thanks to the painkillers, it became bearable. It was a bad idea to be drinking so much last night. Luckily, I could manage through my test this morning. I have studied so hard for it, so I have no doubt that I will get great results. It was a breeze for me.
I wanted to be at home today but just the thought of my work piling up was making me feel drained already, so I decided to go to work. When I got to my desk, there wasn't much left for me to do and I knew who had them...Mariko. Immediately, the thought of him just brought back the memories that I didn't want of the other day and the function.
I am going to bury those feelings and act professional, not like some silly teenage girl with hopeless feelings for him. At least the pain made it easier for me. "Maddie, I wanted to ask you something," I looked up from my work that I was now battling to get started with.
Miranda stood in front of my desk. "What can I help you with?" I asked.
"I heard that you are studying fashion. Would you ever like to pursue a career in fashion?" she asked.
"Maybe in the future, it would be nice, I guess," I shrugged.
"Well, I have noticed that you are working extremely hard here, and you could get burned out from all of it. If you are ready to pursue fashion, please come and talk to me. I love your drive and when you work, it shows how dedicated you are," she smiled. I was taken aback.
"Thank you for letting me know," I returned the smile.
"I hope to hear from you soon though, my hopes are high," she said with excitement, and then she walked away.
This was the only good news that made me smile for the day. My whole day felt gloomy but Miranda's ray of sunshine came shining through. I forced myself to complete my work for the day. I took a break and went to the cafeteria to eat because I needed energy. I didn't see Mariko at all and I would need to get the other pile back from him because there is a list that is being marked off of the piles that is completed. With a heavy sigh, I finished my coffee and then I stood up, discarding my polystyrene cup in the trashcan.
As I made my way towards my desk, I stopped and contemplated if I should go to Mariko's office or not. The memories that are engrained in my mind with Mariko kissing his ex-wife flash before me. I do not want to walk into anything when I have to go to his office. The hurt and fear, possibly rage too, is what is brewing on the inside of me.
With a sigh, I turned in the other direction of the hallway and I walked to his office. My hair was loose and I was wearing a white wrap dress, the sleeves were long and the length was just above my knees. I wore black heels with it. When I got to his office, I slowed down and braced myself for what I might see.
I looked into his office and he was standing by his desk, sorting through some documents on his desk. He was alone, but I had my walls up no matter if I had those feelings for him.
I stood in the doorway, he looked handsome in his navy blue suit. I knocked lightly on the door and he looked up at me. "Maddie, can I help you with anything?" he asked as I entered his office and came to a stop in front of his desk.
"I came to collect my work. Thank you for helping," I said.
"I am happy to help," he replied as he rounded the desk and stood beside me. I was trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible. He leaned over the desk and grabbed the pile and handed it to me. "How was your test?" he asked as I took the pile and held it against my chest.
I looked into his eyes. "It was fine," I said coldly.
"Is everything okay?" he asked.
"No, everything is not okay, Mariko. Are you back together with your ex? I saw the two of you kissing," I hissed, and he was taken aback by that. I was taken aback too, because I didn't expect myself to even let this out from within me, "To top it off, you were both at the function and I have feelings for you and you broke any hope that I had thinking that maybe we could somehow be together. That kiss broke my heart into millions of tiny pieces-"
"Maddie, she came to my office and we both signed the divorce papers, she wanted a last goodbye kiss and to go together to the function," he smirked.
"Wipe that smirk off your face because I don't believe one word you say," I hissed.
"She threatened me with dangling Bella. I had to do what I needed to for the sake of my child," he tried to reassure.
"I am done, Mariko. Every time I think that you will kiss me, you pull away, thinking that it is all me-" his hand gripped my jaw gently and next thing I know is that his lips were pressed against mine. My eyes closed as his lips lingered.
I wasn't sure if I was dreaming, but it was real. He pulled inches away, never letting go of me. I opened my eyes as I stared at his lips. "You have this incredible power over me, Maddie. The temptation to give in and be with you was so strong that it took all my willpower to stay away," he rasped and I was surprised to hear him say that, as I now looked into his eyes. "I wanted you since I first saw you again here in Sternpoint, I wanted to kiss you and have you all to myself, but I wasn't sure if you had felt the same way about me. Now that is cleared up. On a serious note, I have a meeting to attend now and if you want me just as badly as I want you, then meet me tonight at Le Barnardin. I have to go," he held my gaze one last time with so much warmth and sincerity in them, I knew that he was genuine.
I felt the coldness as he left me standing by myself. I traced the bottom of my lip with my index finger, letting it sink in. Mariko had left his office and I was all alone. His lips were soft and I wanted more of it. It was a reality and after so long battling against my feelings, he wanted me and I wanted him.