DAY 10.4 – Memories

Fred’s Point of View

Is it normal? That when you already fine and alright the pain of the past will come back? When you already fine, that person will be back and hurt you once again.

After all these years, He came back for asking a second chance.. Then what?

I’m standing here at the middle of the park, waiting for him.

Again...

Yes!

I’m waiting Jonas again!

I quickly ran here when I receive his text.

Yes! It’s just a simple text saying ‘Fred meet me at the park’.

Then after that I flew as I can, just to get here.

It’s 4 in the afternoon. I feel excited? Nervous? I don’t know, It’s just my body who automatically move to get here.

Waiting for 1 hour? I guess I’m too early?

2 hours? It’s getting dark in here, that’s not a big deal.

That’s okay, we’re normal to be late right?

3 hours? I think he’s arriving...

4 Its getting cold

5?

It’s enough!

I search the whole park, just to assure that if he’s here.

I hope he’s waiting here.

I hope that I’m too stupid to wait in just one part in this place and not searching him.

Everyone is busy, the fountain were beautiful together with the lights that gives a life into the water to make it lively.

The couples were hugging each other because of the cold.

I remembered when the time that I was broken.

There is Jonas who companied me...

Comfort me...

I learned how to appreciate an effort.

I learned that I can love who ever I want.

It’s not just when you are a boy you can only love a girl.

For the first time... I fell in love with the guy and have the same appearance with me.

And it’s freaking lovely!

He can understand what you want, because you’re both men.

He understand what I need and what I don’t.

There are no excuses that she is a girl so she can do what she wants, and He is a boy so he just only needs to follow what ever she wants.

Everyone was busy, wearing their sweetest smile, playing with their playmates, having fun with their partners, comforting their friends, and..

And..

And..

Flirting...

How poor I am right?

Waiting for someone here, standing at the back of this fucking trees watching two guys while flirting.

Feeding each other and laughing out loud!

How poor I am?

Waiting for someone who doesn’t love me anymore?

Waiting for fucking someone to love me?

Waiting!

Waiting again!

YES! I am waiting for someone who doesn’t care about me.

Waiting for him and to witness his smile together with the other guy!

To witness his flirting

Fuck! Haha It’s freaking cold here but I felt something warm on my eyes. I couldn’t move my feel, I keep staring at them.. Laughing and feeding at each other.

I feel like there’s someone who poked my head in my right side temple.

But I don’t mind it.

“Oh My Gosh! Sir, are you alright?”

I look at the woman, who approached me.

‘No! I’m not’ I said to my mind.

“Oh! My Ghad! You’re bleeding!”

I couldn’t hear everything.

I saw her worried about me, pointing in my head, he’s child were cute, they look a like!

I wish I had a mother too that had a same face with me.

I feel something falling in my head and I touched it and its blood.

“I’m sorry Sir! He didn’t mean to do that! We will bring you at the hospital!”

The woman keeps talking, fuck! I couldn’t hear any sound!

I couldn’t feel anything!

I look back at the two guys who are sitting on the bleach not quite far from the trees when I was standing at.

I started to walk away from them.

“Mister is you alright?”

Why everyone is keep asking me if I am okay?

Is it obvious that I am broken now?

My ghad! Is it?

I feet keeps walking and I don’t know where I would go.

I heard a car blowing its horn toward me.

Fuck! And now I’m in the pedestrian lane walking across.

I don’t mind them, if they want to kill me then go!

I saw a guy wearing a suit.

And I couldn’t believe that suit can break me down.

Fuck! I tried myself not to fall this fucking tears but what the hell?

It’s coming out from my eyes flowing down into my face.

**

“Do you like this or this one?"

A guy asking me while holding two suits, I just smiled at him and keep staring at him.

“amm I think this could suits you very well”

He just said then tries to look if it’s suits to me.

I laugh a little while staring at him and I’m fucking in love with him!

“Woah! Look! You’re sool! Haha”

**

Tss those fucking memories!

I keep walking until I found out my self here at the mini park outside in the village, holding a lot of beer and trying to drink it.

**

“Fred! C’mon, let’s go there!”

Then a guy grabs my hands and ran.

“whoooo!”

He screams while standing at the top of mountain, I just stare at him, watching his handsome face.

**

I almost done 3 bottles of beer my tears keep falling out from my face.

**

“Woooah, look Fred”

“Yeah, yeah. I see haha”

“Beautiful”

He wisphered

“You really obsessed with the sunset huh?”

I said and staring at him.

He just smiles and watches the sun going down.

**

Tss, sunset? A fucking sunset!

I don’t know how many bottles I drunk, but all I want is to have a drink and get drunk!

“Fred?”

A sweet voice calling me, so I look up where it came from.

“Oh! Fred! It’s you! Do you remember me?”

I saw a girl wearing a sexy daring dress while her cleavages were almost come out.

She’s standing in front of me while holding her heels!

I realized that I’m sitting in the ground, but she alos sits besides me.

“Oh! Are you alright? You had something in your face! I guess you fought again with some guys? Haha”

She said then she wipes my face.

“Hey! Are you deaf? Haha, look at you! My ghad you’re wasted! It’s gross haha”

She said. But I keep drinking.

“Jean?”

I mumbled

“Finally! I thought you would call me in another names again haha!”

She said.

“Oh! Wait, you keep bleeding! Are you in pain?”

She said then he wipes it using his handkerchief.

Our face was close and I can see her beautiful face.

I don’t know but it happened that I touched her face and kissed her!

And suddenly someone’s face flashes on my mind.

But this time! There’s no pain.

I just feel that I am safe..

And it’s

It’s Jano.

Out of the moment when someone pushed me

I saw a girl in a shocking moment and a strong punch receives my face.

“Fuck! We’re not the same!”

She shouted! I lay at the ground and I couldn’t help myself to move.

Fuck! I feel the impact of his wrist!

Ouch! Now I can feel the pain in my heads, fuck! Seriously what happened?

“AH! My head!”

I painfully said

“Are you alright?”

She ask me..

But everything went in black when I’m trying to stand up.

“Fuck! Fred!”