41. Hundred.. Ninety-nine..

**DAY TWO**

“What do you mean?” I ask him, genuinely bothered.

“We tried to reach her phone, but she is not answering, not even to texts. So I thought I would call directly into the company and ask about her whereabouts. I am scared that she lied to us and she ran away.” Ethan whispers the last line nervously, as if he believed it.

“Don’t worry, she is doing fine here. And I’ll make sure she doesn’t run away.” I assure him with a smile, only to hear his laugh in return.

“Glad to hear that.” I hear him say, before my watch notifies me of mails.

“I have to get back to my work. Feel free to save this number for any further inquires about your sister, this is my personal contact.” I inform him.

“Oh! Okay. Thank you ,Mr. Black for your time.” He replies politely with manners which I have never seen in Emara.

“Welcome, Ethan. And my offer still stays, think about it.” I remind him.

“Sure. I will. Thanks a lot.”

I keep the phone down and go through the mails from our accounting department, asking to arrange another meeting with the production team.

I try to focus on the context of email, yet my mind keep drifting back to my kitty, wanting to sit her down and discuss about her lack of attention in studies, and why is she avoiding her family?

I don’t like how people take their loved ones for granted, especially those who genuinely care for them. Because unlike others, some people don’t even have a family to get a call from, or even have a face that truly cares for them.

Slapping the laptop shut, I stand up with an aim to talk with Emara.

*Talk. Not spank, not deep-throat. TALK!*

I remind my other self, as I stride through the hall, looking for the girl in towel.

I realize how wrong it was to treat Emara the way I did this morning. Enjoying oral sex is one thing, but forcing her into it was completely different.

I feel.. *guilty.*

I don’t know why I listen to my other head.

The hall and kitchen echoes of silence, just like my mind as I walk in. But Emara is nowhere in sight. Instead, I see my lunch- chicken and rice plated on the countertop, warm and ready.

Once again I glance around, and emptiness stares back at me.

I feel a fork of loneliness poking in my chest as I sit down to have my lunch, all alone again. Just like how I have been, all my life.

*Alone.*

I instantly feel the extra hit of spices on my tongue as I take a bite from the chicken. I wonder if she deliberately did it, but I eat it anyway as a self-punishment.

However, after mixing it with the plain rice, the flavour subdues, and blend perfectly.

*Hmm.. A pro-chef or an accidental cook?*

But again, *where is she?*

*Is she trying to purposely ignore me?*

I get it, even I would avoid myself, but then again, it’s not like I killed her family or something. Now, that would be the really bad, right?

*Exactly!*

*That would be pretty bad.*

“I know, right!” I chew the tender chicken while I reason with myself.

“Wiping her family out in anger would be next level bad. And if she ignores me after that, it would be acceptable.”

“Correct. If I want to make it more worse, I would do it with my bare hands and make her watch it.”

“Yeah, that would be really worse, but to make it worst.. You can hang their bodies in front of her gate, with their skulls decapitated and put on other bodies.”

“Oh God! That would be so much worse. But I like the decapitating idea. It’s unique.”

“I do too. Nothing could be more wicked than t-”

I suddenly pause, as I see my reflection in the fridge, speaking to myself. I didn’t realize I was talking out loud, and not even to a person.

*But to myself.*

I keep the plate in dishwasher and look around, glad that Emara didn’t witness my maniac episode.

*No, she didn’t see you.*

“I know, or she would know what a fucked up man I am.” I whisper, hastily exiting the open ground.

“I am not a fucked up pussy like you.”

“Will you shut the fuck up?” I whisper scream while walking upstairs. My legs move faster as the voices in my head get louder.

“I am stronger. I can even kill a bear with my hands.” I hear myself say.

“Shut up! She will hear you.” I growl, climbing even faster.

My watch beeps with a warning as my heart rate exceeds the abnormal threshold.

“Why do you even care what she thinks? Caring is a sign of weakness.”

I shut the door behind me, and lock myself in the room, feeling completely helpless to mute the voices in my head.

“And weakness makes no man.”

Rushing to my medicine cabinet, I swallow couple of pills to silent these voices, which are gradually becoming stronger and heavier.

“You are no man, Dakota.”

I slide down to my mattress on the floor and cradle my head as the echoes stretch in my mind, like waves rippling outwards.

*You are.. so.. weak..*

*Pathetic..*

I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, while counting numbers in reverse.

*Hundred.. Ninety-nine.. Ninety-eight..*

My heart beats slowly calms down and by the time I reach to 1, the voices in my head diminishes to mere hush.

At this point, I regret taking a day off. I should have not let myself slack even an hour to let my mind wander.

*I should have gone to the office.*

I sit up, feeling completely numb from inside, and decide to make my mind work. I listen to the audiobook of *Design of Everyday Things*, while practicing Origami, something I wanted to do for months.

I keep myself busy so my mind doesn’t get time to process thoughts. Because human brain is like a machine, the more work you give it, the more it stays occupied.

And the more occupied it is, the fewer words it whispers.

As the sky changes colour in the evening, I sit by the secret balcony of my room, a place that feels closer to heaven.

The peaceful view and the calm sound of sea sends a sense of tranquility coursing through me, something I always craved for in my mind.

Opening my diary, I go through the pages where I have drawn 3D designs of kitchen, bedroom, a little bar for the corner space in the living room. All that I want to build one day.

I hold the pen, intending to design a patio for my front yard, yet my mind keeps running back to the girl I badly want to see, talk to, and maybe touch too.

I didn’t even realize when I started drawing her curious eyes, that always seem to be staring right into my soul. I trace every slight fleck in her hazel orbs, every delicate curve of her lashes like an ardent lover.

Her delicate fingers, and nails which she always bites them.

*And her lips.*

*Uff!* They are so full and inviting.

I try to sketch her lips from my memory files. I remember the way they curve up when she smiles, the way they part when she speaks, and the way she bites them sheepishly.

I look up to enjoy the sunset, but surprise to see it has already set.

Venus, the star of love shines brightly on the horizon with a background of pink and blue hues.

Yet, I couldn’t stop staring at the sketch of the girl, who has completely captured my mind. I realize how much I miss her, how much I long to see her again.

Even though we are living under the same roof, there is a mile of distance between us and somehow, it is hurting me in the chest.

*I need to talk to her.*