⋆ Chapter 196

⋆ Chapter 196
The sky was overcast and I stood in front of Xavier’s grave, my boots sinking slightly into the damp grass. There wasn’t much on the headstone—just his name, the years that framed his life, and the Silver Moon insignia etched beneath it. No grand declarations. No flowery words. That wasn’t who he was anyway.
Today, I came to see him. Not because I needed closure—I wasn’t naive enough to expect that from the dead. I came because a part of me still hadn’t accepted that it was over. That he was gone. Maybe I thought standing here would make it feel more real. Or maybe I just wanted to say nothing to the one man who, despite everything, once tried to give me the world.
Then Rafael joined me. He stopped at my side.
“Ralph did good,” he said, hands tucked in his coat pockets. “He practically put on a performance up there. Dramatic re-enactment and all. And he made sure everyone knew he would’ve been dead if you hadn’t stepped in the way you did.”
My mouth lifted at that.
“Tilly was brave, despite being human. His words. He was proud of you.”
A quiet warmth settled into my chest. “Did you tell him I was sorry I couldn’t be there for his hearing?”
“I did. I told him what happened. About the Elders. He understood.”
I gave a small nod.
“Georgia was there though,” he added. “With Soren.”
That tugged another smile from me, one I didn’t have to force.
For a moment, we stood there without speaking. Somewhere behind the hill, birds called out to one another. The world, it seemed, hadn’t stopped even after all this.
Then Rafael exhaled. “The Elders were found guilty. On every charge.”
I looked at him, waiting.
“And with the weight of their crimes,” he continued, “they’ve been sentenced to death. As per Lupus tradition.”
There it was. The verdict. The end of it all.
“They’ll die?” I asked, though I already knew what he meant.
He nodded. “Yes. A swift execution tomorrow.”
I folded my arms and stared back at the grave. “But their deaths won’t fix what they did. Won’t bring back the wolves they slaughtered. Won’t undo the generations of silence and fear.”
“No,” Rafael agreed quietly. “It won’t.”
I turned toward him, brow furrowed. “You and Xavier… you were against the death penalty, weren’t you?”
“We were,” he said, with a humorless chuckle. “It’s funny, in a cruel way. The same punishment they protected for so long—the tradition they upheld so viciously—is now the one that seals their fate.”
“But they’re lucky. They’ll die quickly. Not like Loric and Julian,” I muttered.
A long pause. Then, finally, I asked the question I hadn’t dared to until now. “What about Xavier’s mother?”
Rafael’s face shifted slightly. Not surprise. Just the acknowledgment that I hadn’t asked until now.
“She’s been spared,” he said. “But she’s been banished from the Silver Moon Pack. She’ll live, just not among us.”
I nodded once, slowly.
“Don’t worry about her,” Rafael added. “She was one of the loudest voices pushing for Mariana to replace you. She’s the one who chose Mariana in the first place.”
That didn’t surprise me, not really. But it still hit a nerve.
“I figured,” I said.
We stood in silence again, the wind pulling at my hair. Then, Rafael shifted beside me, the weight of the moment lingering long after the silence settled. But then his gaze turned toward me, thoughtful and assessing, and I felt it coming even before he said the words.
“You’ve been staying in the outskirts too long. It’s time you moved into the packhouse.”
I blinked, turning to look at him fully. “I don’t belong there, Rafael. I’m unmarked and Xavier’s gone.”
He didn’t even smirk. “Xavier may not have marked you,  but you need to be in a pack. And after what you did, many look to you now, Matilda.”
I crossed my arms, staring out at the low roll of the hills past the grave. “I still don’t know what the hell I want, Rafael. Honestly, I’ve barely figured out how to get out of bed most mornings.”
“You can’t go back to the life you had,” he said, gently but firmly. “You know that.”
I let out a breath that was more of a laugh than anything else. “Pretty sure I’ve already been terminated. I’ve basically ghosted my job for weeks now.”
“AWOL?” he asked, lifting a brow.
“Yeah. Although,” I added, “I could always reach out to Wyatt. He’s probably figured out something’s happened. I’ll just say I’m on bereavement leave. He knew Xavier, you know.”
Rafael didn’t laugh. His eyes remained steady on me, and when he spoke again, there was a softness there that made the words cut deeper than they should’ve.
“I know this is a lot to take in. And I know you’re hurting a lot right now. But the pain you’re carrying—it’s not just yours, Matilda. It’s your wolf’s, too. She lost him, same as you.”
I looked away, jaw tight. “You think I don’t feel it? But I loved Xavier first. The wolf came later. This human heart,” I pointed at my chest, “loved Xavier first.”
“Matilda, it’s complicated now...”
“You know what? I’ll see you around, Rafael,” I muttered, turning to walk away.
But then he said, “You can’t heal while you’re with Cillian Ravenscroft.”
I turned back slowly, glaring at him. “The hell does that mean?”
“You need time. Space. Alone. Not buried in someone else's bed trying to feel something else.”
I felt the fury rise in my chest like a tide.
“I’ve been through hell, Rafael. And I’m carrying more than you can even imagine. If you think for a second that what I want from you right now is a lecture, then let me make this easy—mind your business.”
“I’m not judging you, Matilda. I know you're using him to numb the pain.”
“Using him?” I scoffed. “Cillian was there when Xavier left. He didn’t run. He didn’t take a step back. He stayed. Even when I was breaking apart, even when I was lashing out. And don’t you dare chalk it all up to revenge—because he’s still fucking here, Rafael. After everything. After the truth. So don’t stand there and tell me to throw him away now just because it doesn’t fit what you think healing looks like.”
Rafael’s voice was quiet, almost mournful. “I know you love him.”
“Good,” I said flatly. “Because I do.”
“But he’s a vampire, Matilda. And you’re a lycan.”
I stared at him for a moment. My heart didn’t skip, didn’t tremble. I was too tired for that.
“I was a human once. And Xavier was a lycan. That didn’t stop anything. Love doesn’t give a damn about bloodlines.”
He didn’t reply. So I turned and walked away.
The wind picked up just enough to chill the sweat on my skin. I didn’t look back.