82. Becoming a True Demon
Luc had gifted me my first flip phone shortly after we moved in together, but my mother didn’t even have my number. I’d called her only a handful of times since Luc turned me, chatting idly at first about nothing but lies I was no longer capable of feeling guilt for. She had wanted to say goodbye to me at the airport before my flight, but I never got back to her about my departure time. Was it a good flight? Did I pack enough clothing? How was the city so far? How was the food?
I pretended I really had gone to Paris, and I made shit up on shameless autopilot. But whether the conversation had lasted an hour or ten minutes, I hung up callously and abruptly whenever Luc would come back into the bedroom. The one time I didn’t, he settled in at my back, put his lips on my earlobe and stuck his hand inside my jeans. I tilted the phone away from my mouth and told him to stop being inappropriate, regardless of how wide I was smiling and how meaningless my mother’s droning words felt when weighed against the possibility to strip off his clothing and fuck him, right here and now…
I remembered she was still on the line only because *he* brought it up laughingly, when I dropped the phone and pinned him to the floor. My smile died at that point, and I reached to hang up, but she was already commenting shakily, “Was that a man’s voice?”
I sighed, sinking back against the wall and preparing for a much more serious conversation. Luc was already getting called back out into the hallway anyway because of some unexpected visitor, and I explained to my mother unabashed, “Yeah, I dropped out of my program, but I’m not coming home. I’m going to stay here, and he’s…” I smiled. “He’s taking care of me. That’s really all you need to know.”
She was devastated by this news of course, but she tried to temper her outrage with patronizing promises that she would be praying for me, paired with pleas of how I should “Just come home. We will pay for your flight. Just--”
I sighed in disgust and hung up. Then I started drumming on the floor in agitation, because Luc hadn’t come back inside our bedroom yet. Antonio told me he had headed up to his office for an unexpected meeting with his sire. I couldn’t wait for him to get back. I was in need of an instant outlet, so I settled for having Antonio fuck me instead while I was drilling and feeding off David. I think I chose an orgy with only men on purpose, just to spite her. I didn’t have much of any positive emotions anymore. I had zero guilt or restraint, just lust and hunger, followed by melancholy, because I recognized, logically, that I *should* feel guilty. There was something wrong with me, and when Luc wasn’t there by my side actively distracting away my every coherent thought… It became more and more upsetting to me – the reflection of this hollow-eyed predator walking around in my skin.
“Do you think I’m a demon?” I whispered to him one night. I hadn’t even bothered to get up when he came back to the room. I hardly even reacted when he stretched out beside me, because I wasn’t hungry at the moment, and I wasn’t horny. I was just… empty. “I don’t think I have a soul anymore.”
“Souls are overrated, such an abstract, pretentious concept in truth,” he manipulated, smoothing his hands up under my clothing. “If you want to role-play tonight… It’s counter-intuitive for you to even pretend to be a demon, Jules.” He laughed. “Even when you’re rough, you’re still sentimental, loving.” He pressed in closer, pressing his already firming dick against my backside. “Play an angel instead while I fuck you in the ass.”
“I think you might be the actual devil,” I murmured, and I wasn’t grinning at all, because that was not a joke. I knew I was past the point of damned at this point, and I kept thinking of my mother’s nickname for this older man who had so quickly and utterly corrupted her naive son. She called him Satan. I just wanted him so badly that even if that was his true identity... It didn’t seem to matter anymore.
Luc took it all in good humor though, laughing at the notion that he might be evil incarnate. “I do believe the devil to be tall, dark, and sexy, in accordance with moi. So sure, I’ll role-play him a while, just for you, love.”
He even found himself a set of horns, invited in six others – praels, to play the lowly mortals. He dressed me up in glitter, angel wings, and nothing else, and that night was rough and blasphemous. The bruises and the nail marks healed on us as quick as they were dealt, but the feathers were all shredded by the end of it.
I decided to finally gift Luc a portrait of me that next day – a fallen angel, with face turned away in shame and broken wings burning in the flames. He sighed at the sight of it. “Enough with the heavy-handed religious fixation. Give me… us, making love on a blanket beneath the colors of a vibrant sunrise.”
I took his request, but that painting did not seem near as genuine to me, especially not after he talked me out of heading home for Christmas, just so his sire could have a chance to fuck me so hard he shattered my pelvis. I got to hear what Luc really thought of me that night. He insists it was all lies, that Roman was a danger and he was trying to protect me…
But if that were true, why would he have kicked me out the coven while I was broken and unfed? He claimed the only reason I’d been forbidden to leave before this point was because that newly awakened appetite was a danger to the public. Now I was figuring it was all a lie, and he wanted me spending my every night locked in that bedroom just because he enjoyed fucking with that so-called ‘horny bitch’ in his every free minute of time. At least, so long as his sire was not there to better service him in my stead.
And even knowing that… I did not want to leave him, not for good. I just wanted to really talk to someone, anyone else, and I wanted to make things better between us – to stop acting a monster and stop ‘over-tapping’ his praels, as he described it.
Luc was the one who told me to go find my own blood servants that night, but the first person I bit… He had to have known I was going to drain them.