Chapter 18

Human coming-of-age rituals are many and varied. But in the end, most traditional cultures have celebrated the cusp between childhood and adulthood by pushing the skills and stamina of their youngsters to their limits.

Not to be outdone, werewolf societies strive to take these ceremonies to an entirely new level. So while young Ethiopians are required to leap over a living bull four times naked, young shifters are made to jump over a family member who's holding flaming torches aloft and is swiping the fire dangerously through the air. Inuit boys are sent out into the frigid arctic with their fathers to learn survival skills, while werewolf boys are expected to embrace their instincts untutored by killing a wild animal within their first twenty-four hours of shifting to fur and fangs.

With all of the possible permutations of First Rites firmly in mind, the idea of Ember and my brother being put through their paces tonight gave me the creeps. But, on the plus side, these types of events took time to set up. So while the pack busied themselves building a bonfire and teasing the First Rites participants with well-meaning banter, I pulled Wolfie away beneath the trees for an extended kiss followed by a long-awaited conversation.

"Mmm." My mate's lips turned upward beneath mine, and one large hand cupped the back of my skull, drawing me closer to his hard chest. In response, I melted into his touch, waiting until both my human and lupine halves were well sated before initiating the upcoming interrogation.

"I know this probably isn't the time or the place for a heart-to-heart conversation," I said at last, doing my best to keep my voice steady despite my joyous inner wolf. She nudged me to close my mouth and use my lips for something more important than talking, but I knew that I couldn't fully protect our pack if I didn't understand what was going on with my co-alpha. So I took a deep breath and asked the tough questions.

"But you can't leave me in the dark any longer," I continued. "What did that Tribunal member mean about your powers dwindling?" And why have you been so grumpy all day? I wanted to add, but figured I was pushing my luck already without carrying the cross-examination any further.

I expected a simple answer to my simple question. After all, Wolfie was usually the most direct shifter I knew, his strong inner wolf finding no purpose in beating around the bush.

But now my mate's gaze skittered away from mine and I could tell he would have preferred not to answer. Fortunately for me, though, my companion's inherent sense of fair play finally carried the day.

"It's no big deal," Wolfie started, a preface that made me think that whatever my mate was about to tell me was actually a very big deal indeed. "And just because I'm weaker than some hyped up sassafras-scented alpha doesn't mean I'm not plenty strong enough to hold our pack together," he grumbled after a moment.

Despite my mate's words, though, his inner wolf had pinned his ears back unhappily and I noticed that his human face had twisted into a sardonic smile that mirrored the animal's unusual behavior. Which is when I realized that neither half of my mate was actually confident that they could adequately guard our pack any longer.

No wonder my companion had been on edge for days on end. Wolfie valued nothing so much as the safety and well-being of the shifters beneath his care, so declining power that he might not miss on his own account would gnaw ferociously at his peace of mind if it meant other werewolves were brought into danger as a result.

I'd separated us with a foot of empty air space after Wolfie released me from our shared kiss in an effort to keep my mind on track. But now I pressed myself back into my mate's side, doing my best to comfort the werewolf in the most basic way I knew how. "Wolfie," I murmured into his chest. "Whatever's wrong, we can fix it together. We can protect our pack."

In response, a playful grin crept across my mate's face like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "Precisely," he replied. "Which is why it's no big deal, just like I said. We just have to be careful of any dangers to the pack in the meantime. But the problem won't last for long."

Okay, now I was totally confused. I pulled my mate over to sit beside me on a fallen log, quieted my lupine half as best I could, and then physically moved Wolfie's head so his eyes bored into mine. "I believe you," I said finally, once all of the preparations for maintaining his full attention on my human voice were in order. "But I still have no idea what you're talking about."

So Wolfie explained. And as he did so, my human half wilted beneath the evidence of my mate's sacrifice even as my inner wolf was buoyed up by his show of devotion.

"It's simple really," Wolfie told us, twirling a twig absently through the dirt as he spoke. "You were worried that my wolf would dominate yours. So I made sure that would never happen again."

I hummed my understanding even as a pit opened within my stomach. Unfortunately, I could already guess where this conversation was going, but I waited for Wolfie to confirm my fears anyway.

"I couldn't really command you to disobey me," the other alpha elaborated. "That's a bit too circular for the lupine brain to follow. But I realized that I could pass on some of my own dominance to your wolf so we can enter our mating on an even playing field."

"You gave me some of your powers," I clarified, shell-shocked by his admission. And as I spoke, I realized that I should have realized something was amiss long before this. Because ever since Wolfie had worked his magic last night, I'd felt absurdly strong and ready to take on the world.

At the time, I'd just thought I was feeling relief and joy at having my mate back home in Haven. Apparently I'd been wrong.

Unfortunately, as much as the extra power beneath my skin warmed me, our pack depended on my mate's excessive alpha dominance to enable us to live our unconventional lives. Haven sheltered pack members that other clans would have tossed to the curb and we currently housed half-blood werewolves like my brother who would probably never shift on his own, lesbian shifters like Quetzalli and Galena who other alphas considered abominations, and full humans like Dale and Acacia who were tied to werewolves only by marriage.

And even though shifters tended to consider the goings-on within another alpha's pack beneath their notice, I was sure some of the more old-fashioned pack leaders would have torn our village apart before now if they could have. But since Wolfie had always been stronger than any other alpha I'd met (with the possible exception of the Tribunal members), he'd been able to run our clan any way he wanted. Even if they disagreed with his choices, no other pack leader had ever dared go head-to-head with my mate.

Now that I thought about it, I realized that even Justin had never risked an outright attack despite clearly wanting to challenge his younger brother. Instead, the older sibling had snuck around behind our backs, using his mate and then his daughter to get Wolfie's goat. And while troublesome, Justin's efforts had been relatively easy to foil. I could only imagine how much harder it would have been to deal with a frontal attack.

And what would all the other alphas think when Wolfie showed up at the next All-Pack cut down to size by his pre-mating gift? That was easy—they'd think it was high time they snuffed out an unconventional alpha who many believed gave all werewolves a bad name.

"But what about our pack?" I demanded. I was already jumping three steps ahead and realizing that Wolfie's romantic gesture might be the end of Haven as we knew it. My mate's choice of passing on some of his alpha dominance to me definitely made our own joining easier to stomach, but it certainly wouldn't keep our friends and relatives from harm.

"The pack will be safe as soon as we're fully mated," Wolfie reassured me. "You and I together will be stronger than I ever was alone. Then we can protect Haven from all comers."

I shivered, the weight of Wolfie's unwitting assumption pulling my shoulders up around my ears. Maybe he was right and the combined might of two alphas would be greater than Wolfie's strength had ever been on his own.

But that also meant I now owed my pack as well as my mate a claiming moon. The responsibility was daunting.

You make it sound like such a hardship, my inner wolf complained. Don't you want to fully join with our mate?

Beside me, Wolfie began chaffing warmness back into my suddenly chilled hands, apparently having noticed my trepidation. "This was my choice," he rumbled, his quiet voice so deep it seemed to reverberate within my bones even as it drove the pain out of my stomach. Because despite having every right to be angry at his gift being thrown back in his face, my mate continued to be his usual patient self, willing to wait while I worked the worries out of my overactive imagination. "You're still under no obligation to accept me," Wolfie continued. "We'll figure out a way to protect our pack no matter what."

And the kicker was that my mate really believed his own words. The question was—could I be so ungrateful as to leave our clan weaker by rejecting the advances of their leader?

And did I really want to resist?

Before I could speak, my companion succumbed to the evident prodding of his inner wolf and added: "But if you do choose a claiming moon, I promise you won't regret it. The month we share and every day thereafter will be pure joy."

***

I had no answer for Wolfie that evening, but there wasn't time for one anyway. Because excited shouts from the clearing proved that Ember's First Rites were already underway. So Wolfie and I shed our clothes and shifted forms immediately in preparation for joining the party.

When we stepped out into the crowd, though, my heart nearly stopped as the little bloodling pup who I'd cosseted and cared for over the last few months leapt into the air in an effort to make it across the now-raging bonfire. She seemed tiny and bound to fall into the flames to my maternal eye, and I surged forward to protect her from harm.

But at the last moment, Glen reached up and gave the bloodling a boost just as if he were still playing Ember ball in the computer lab. And as if she'd been expecting the assist all along, the puppy's hind legs pushed off from the yahoo's outstretched hands and used his momentum to go yet higher. Yipping her appreciation, the young bloodling soared further aloft, little feet barely touching the tips of the flames as she made it safely across the flaming pyre.

Despite the success of this first foray into testing our daughter, my human brain wanted to shift back to two legs immediately and end these dangerous games before they could go any further. But my usually complacent wolf instead held tight to her form.

No one is going to get hurt, my lupine half promised me. And, miraculously, she appeared to be correct.

Because the following hours proved that not only was Ember able to surmount any number of impossible hurdles with the occasional help of her friends, the First Rites also included Ethan into our pack in a way I'd never seen before as well. At first, my half-brother tried to hang back, less secure on his new pads than Ember was despite their age difference being skewed in the opposite direction. But David had taken it upon himself to chivvy my brother along whenever necessary, and before long the two male wolves appeared to be the best of friends.

So it was with buoyant hearts, if with smoky and tired bodies, that we trickled back into our village in the wee hours of the morning. But our wolves woke up once again within our human forms as Wolfie and I scented a stranger where one didn't belong.

The first odors to invade the open car windows were the familiar scents of leaf mold and pine needles, but then the insidious aroma of gun metal entered the potpourri. As usual, my mate understood the implications faster than I did. So by the time I'd slammed on the brakes, Wolfie was already out of the vehicle, running as quickly as he could toward the source of the invader's smell.

"Watch Ember," I commanded Ethan, who had ridden back down with us after his assisted return to human form. My adopted daughter was sprawled across my brother's lap in lupine form, sound asleep, but I didn't trust Ember not to wake up and come running into the midst of the action. After all, she had an unerring attraction to drama and she always dove right in, confident in her ability to smooth over any misunderstanding with her puppy charm.

The truth was that I usually appreciated Ember's help in defusing tense situations, so I hadn't ever taken her to task over her tendencies. But I had a feeling tonight's altercation wouldn't be so easy to iron out as the problems that had disappeared at the first sign of the pup's rainbow-wide smile.

"Of course," Ethan answered immediately. But his words only pelted my receding back as I took to my heels in pursuit of my mate.

My mate, who I had always trusted to overcome any challenge with ease in the past but who was operating under a severe handicap at the moment. A handicap that was my own fault for evading his repeated requests for a claiming moon.

Please don't do anything stupid until I get there, I pleaded silently, wanting nothing more than to recant all of my stupid hesitations, to go back in time, and to fully join with Wolfie the first time he'd asked.

Because something about the way our merged clan had held up two unusual recipients of First Rites in the light of their universal love this evening had helped me realize that Wolfie was the other half of my heart that I'd been looking for all these years. Our pack's new-found unanimity and kindness were a clear indication of their strongest leader's own worth, and their actions were the most proof I should ever have needed to realize that Wolfie would never turn on either me or my wolf.

Yes, I should have fully trusted Wolfie from the start. Because despite his voluminous alpha dominance, he'd never given me any reason to doubt his fairness and regard for me.

But instead of listening to my own inner beast, I'd hesitated. And I'd handicapped my mate in the process. Which meant Wolfie was currently going into battle with one hand tied behind his back.

I guess we'll just have to be his other hand then, my inner wolf confirmed.

And with her will speeding my feet, we ran even faster toward the source of the unwelcome aroma.