Chapter thirty five

Chapter thirty five

Ethan

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sound of my car key tapping on the doctor's desk seem to echo in the empty office. The AC hummed loudly. The white paint blurred. The posters of brains on the wall seem to mock me.

I've had two choices ever since my initial diagnostics two years ago. The first was to show up for check ups, use my medication like the doctor prescribed, and do everything to try to escape my fate. The smart choice. The second choice, the dumb one, was to fuck everything and do whatever I wanted.

Given my personality, you'd think I'd choose the second choice. Especially since the first choice seems stupid. Every check ups always come back with the same result.

The doctor telling me in a somber tone that there was nothing he could do, then I leave the hospital with a sour mood, only to come back to repeat the same horrible circle.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I tapped my key louder. I needed something to fill the suffocating silence. I could have left after the tests were ran and have the doctors email the results to me, but that would be a different kind of a torture. Another waiting. So I had stayed instead.

Thirty minutes had passed and I haven't been able to stand from my seat. I guess this was why people brought their loved ones to the hospital with them, so they can provide them with emotional stability. But I hadn't even told my family. I had no plans to do so.

After what seem like eternity, the door finally opened. The first thing I saw was the white coat and slightly oversized glasses.

“How bad is it?” I asked, not giving him the chance to sit down. I didn't have time for small talks.

The doctor took his seat, adjusted his glasses, and sighed. I already knew what the answer was going to be but I found myself still holding my breath.

“Well, you don't have to worry about your accident causing more damage. It's deteriorating at the rate calculated during your last check up.” he said.

Interpretation: I now had around five months left.

I hadn't gotten the chance to visit the hospital since Heather's almost accident the weekend before, I hadn't seen her either. I was a bit worried about the intensity of the pain I had felt that day and wondered if it had sped up my deadline.

Turns out, it hadn't. My brain was just it normal degenerate self.

“You mentioned something about your trigger being your anchor earlier.”

I nodded. Millie's closeness hadn't triggered my nervous system during my episode that day. Instead, the thoughts of her had pulled me away from the brink.

“We would like to run some additional tests. A full brain scan before we make a conclusion.” he said.

He told me some details about the test that I didn't bother listening to. He led me out of his office while still explaining the medical bullshit. My mind was faraway. I changed into the hospital's uniform, the stench of drugs clinging to my body.

I fucking hated it.

I was asked to lie down on an examining table while they plugged some wires on my head. It was what the doctor had told me in his office. A full brain scan. Exactly the one that made me find out about the infection in the first place.

“Mr Hart, we're gonna ask you a few questions and we want you to answeras best as you can. Do you understand?”

I nodded.

“How are you feeling today?” One of the doctors asked.

“Like I want this to be over already.” I snorted.

They didn't find my joke funny. Their eyes was transfixed on the screen before them, the screen where they studied my brain.

“Can you tell us about your trigger? Isn't a thing from your past or a person?” he asked.

“A person.”

The other doctor was typing something on his computer as I responded.

“Can you describe your relationship to this person and why you were triggered by them in the first place?”

I swallowed, my mind reeling with different thoughts. There was no word to describe what Millie was to me. She was everything to me. But I had a feeling telling these people won't understand that.

“A lover.” was my only response.

They asked me a bunch of other questions, including how long ‘my lover’ and I have been together, which I responded that it was before the missing gap in my memory. They asked me what had caused our split and I told them the truth, that I didn't remember it. They asked what had drew me from the edge during my last episode, I told them it was the good memories we made together. They asked me if the memories were real or just a figment of my imagination, I froze.

That was the one truth I hadn't allow myself think of until now. That my good memories with Millie had only been in my head. Somehow, that seems like a fate even worse than death.

They asked me a few more questions which I responded with vague answers. That thought had snagged my entire focus.

Finally, they decide they've gotten enough answers and I was let go. This time, the doctor insisted on emailing the results to me. He did, however, give me a parting word.

“I can't give you a specific reason for this development yet, but I suggest you follow this new link. Try to get the person to tell you about your shared memories, it could be the key to unlocking the buried ones.”

I had stared at him blankly. He was telling me things that I had already thought of. But I already concluded not to use Millie like that. She could never know about this.

The doctor gave me a sympathetic look.
“We have a new lead, Mr Hart. It's better than nothing. Don't give up hope.” If he thought that was going to make me feel better, it didn't but I nodded anyway.

His words stuck with me throughout the drive home. As I stepped out of the elevator, I came face to face with Millie. My heart thrashed as I saw her.

I hadn't seen her since the day of her ‘almost’ accident despite living across the hall from her. She gave me a small nod and resumed what she was doing, opening her door.

She got the door open halfway before I snapped out of my frozen state.

“Hi.” I said and frowned to myself. That was pathetic.

“Hi.” she responded, her hand still on the door knob.

I didn't know what to say so I pivoted to the the topic that would snag her attention.

“There's this gala that's happening soon and my mum is part of the organizing team. She wants to know if you'd be willing to cater for the event.” I studied her face but her reaction didn't change a bit.

“Dallas told me, but I haven't made a decision yet.”

I nodded. “You should consider it though. It would be great PR for you since your restaurant is opening soon. The gala is one of the few events where you can gather most of the New York elites in one place.”

“Thanks.” she nodded. She lingered for a few beats before pushing her door opened all the way.

“Millie.” I called. I didn't know what I wanted to say, just that I didn't want her to go in, because then this conversation would be over. I didn't want it to be.

“What?” she said, a bit harshly.

“You….uh… you look nice.” I stuttered. She sucked in a breath and glared at me.

“I don't know what it is you think you're doing, but you can't just disappear for days after screwing a woman without even sending a text. I get that it was a mistake that had happened in the heat of the moment, but a simple ‘no, thank you’ would have been better than radio silence for days. It's simple courtesy.” She was breathing heavily by the time she was done talking.

I didn't hear half of what she said, my attention was focused on that one sentence. Before I could think more of it, I grabbed her by the neck and pulled her closer to me, slanting my lips with hers.

A groan escaped me as the first taste of her awakened a primal need in me. She seem frozen at first, but her lips parted and she kissed me back.

This kiss was nothing like the day we hooked up. It was gentle and lazy, saying everything that words can't. I could lose myself in this kiss and I wouldn't mind it.

I loved it.

I loved her.

We pulled away after a while, our foreheads pressed against each other.
“I'm sorry for ghosting you, but I can promise you that it wasn't a mistake. I'll always want you, Millie.” I rasped.

My hands fisted in her hair, the mental images that flooded my brain were definitely real. They included seeing her in a kneeling position bdfore me. Heat rushed straight to my groin.

“Your place or mine?”

She simply gestured towards her open door. I wasted no time carrying her into her bedroom and showing her the different ways I wanted her.