Chapter 90
Eli let him, and they retreated to the relative safety of the vending machines in the waiting room, where a couple of new fathers were anxiously chewing their thumbnails, and a harried-looking grandma was trying desperately to keep a sullen three-year-old entertained.
“Eli, uh…let’s just…sit for a minute before heading back, perhaps. Let, uh…let Jenny get herself sorted, eh?”
Eli closed his eyes at the thinly-veiled—even for Dad—excuse, and exhaled. “Okay,” he said, trying his very best to remain level-headed. “Just for a bit, though. I want to get back to Rob before too long.”
“Yes, about Rob…” Dad said, slowly lowering himself into a chair.
Here it came. Eli braced himself.
“I…well. I may have been…mistaken.”
Eli blinked.
“…What?”
Dad shifted in the chair, the plastic squeaking.
He looked horrendously uncomfortable, and something deep in Eli’s chest softened. Slowly, Eli dragged another chair around to face his father, and sat down.
“What d’you mean?” he pressed.
Dad exhaled heavily. “Your mother told me everything that you told her when she arrived. Was it…was that what really happened?”
“Yes,” Eli said shortly.
Dad swallowed. “Then I have been mistaken.”
“I’m—mistaken?”
“About Ha—” Dad winced. “About Rob.I would never have…thought that of him.”
Eli ground his teeth. “What, that he’d step in to protect his boyfriend and a pregnant woman?”
“That he would arrive at your request to collect Jenny,” Dad corrected quietly. “That he would defend you to the point of being stabbed. Or that his brother would have come with him, and assisted. That…those are not the actions I would have believed from the Hawkes family.”
Eli ducked his head to eye the tiles. “Yeah, well, you’ve all shut Rob out, but Danny’s like his shadow and Danny likes me well enough.”
“I—”
“Danny knows, too,” Eli continued ruthlessly. “About me being trans. And their aunt in Scotland. We had a really nice time at Christmas. They welcome me well enough, and they’re not exactly waving the flag for gay rights, you know? But they love Rob, what’s left of his family, they do, and that was enough. If Rob loved me then that was enough for them. Why hasn’t it ever been enough for you?”
Dad went very red, and ducked his head in a similar manner.
Eli licked his lips and twisted his hands over each other between his knees.
“I love him, Dad,” he said quietly. “I really do. And it hurts that you and Mum are so determined to hate him and drive us apart, and—I already cut you out of the whole thing, and I’ll cut the whole family out of it if it means not losing him. I can’t lose Rob, Dad. He’s the first person to really accept me. He loves me, he’s helping fund my surgery even though Rob’s about as comfortable with his gender as guys ever get, and I won’t lose that. If you won’t come out from behind your uniform once in a while and see him for what he really is instead of his mugshot and his police record, then you and I have nothing to say to each other anymore.”
Dad’s mouth worked silently.
Eli huffed an exhausted, exasperated laugh.
“You know,” he croaked, “the copper who took my statement said guys like Rob…they hit their teens and they turn into criminals or cops. That deep down they’re the same type of guy. And he was right, you know. He’s stubborn and bloody-minded and he doesn’t think nothing of pub brawls with other blokes but hitting a girl makes you total scum…he’s just like you, really. And if it weren’t for you being so insistent on calling him a criminal every time he’s mentioned, and him having this stupid hatred of the police based on shitty experiences he’s caused by being a tit, you’d probably get along really fucking well.”
Dad was very quiet for a long minute, then leaned forward and sighed heavily.
“I’m sorry.”
Eli was stunned into silence.
“I’m sorry you’ve felt unsupported. It wasn’t my intention, or your mother’s. We just had no idea what to do when you started saying you wanted to be a boy. And I honestly did think it was just…kids being kids. If Rob has given you that confidence and that support, then…I apologise for not seeing it. And for not listening. From what you’ve told me, I have…misjudged Hawk—Rob. And I will…apologise to him, too, when I can.”
Eli snorted and managed a croaky laugh. “Right, yeah, I’d like to see that.”
“Eli…”
Eli shrugged. “It’ll take a bit of time, yeah, Dad? He doesn’t like you either. And part of that is I’ve told him everything, what it was like growing up with your parents hell-bent on ignoring you and being forced to go through puberty even though even the doctor was offering hormone blockers. He knows all of that. It’s not just the cop in you he doesn’t like.”
Dad made a face. “I can’t promise we’ll get along, Eli.”
“I’m not asking that,” Eli said flatly. “I just want you to stop picking all the time. Stop having a go every time I mention him.”
Dad looked like he was swallowing a lemon, but slowly nodded. “Alright. I—alright.”
“Hey!”
Jenny’s voice was loud and demanding; both men twisted and saw her being pushed out of the ward in a wheelchair, the baby bundle cooing and wriggling in her arms. She hadn’t had a bath, that much was obvious, but she’d washed her face and her hair was tidied up in a bun. She looked a little fresher, and a little more awake.