Chapter 50

“It’ll be okay, Eddie,” Ward said.

“I guess,” Eddie replied. “G’night, Ward. Love you.”

Ward swallowed hard. “Love you, too.”

Ward hung up and lay looking at the ceiling. Eddie didn’t sound unduly upset. In fact it didn’t sound any different from Eddie’s getting into trouble for something other than Ward and Tyler. That was a good sign. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as it had seemed. Maybe Tyler just needed time to think about things.

The ringing of his cell phone woke Ward. He had dozed off waiting for Tyler’s call. He sat up, completely awake.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.” Tyler’s voice sounded tired.

There was a long pause. Ward wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. Finally, he said, “Was it bad?”

Tyler sighed deeply. “About as bad as you can imagine. Hank outed us to Mr. Jennings. Or at least accused us of being…queers.”

Tyler’s emphasis on the last word made Ward uneasy. “What did you say?”

“Nothing. I just hoped Jennings would think Hank was blowing smoke. But then Eddie talked about how I’d tried to help him and Jack understand about us. Eddie sort of confirmed that we were a couple. He even mentioned we might get married. Then you being there in the office waiting for me pretty much put the nail in the coffin. “

Ward took a deep breath and let it out slowly, not really wanting to hear what would come next. Tyler’s metaphor about the nail and the coffin sounded ominous.

“How are you doing with all this?” Ward asked tentatively.

“Not good.”

Ward’s heart sank.

“It’s my worst nightmare come true. I was just getting to where I was pretty sure this was all okay. But I had forgotten about the boys, and what they might have to deal with. After what happened today…well, I don’t think I can do this.”

Ward’s mind reeled. He couldn’t be hearing this, not again. “But we love each other,” Ward said desperately, realizing his plea sounded ominously reminiscent of the one he made that summer night ten years before.

There was a long pause. “Sometimes love’s not enough.” Tyler’s voice sounded defeated and sad. “I do love you, and probably always will, but I have to think of my sons, put them first.”

“I love ‘em, too. And I don’t want ‘em to be hurt either. But they’re stronger than you might think. Eddie was so okay with it, he even went so far as to fight for you…us.”

“And that’s the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want ‘em to have to fight society because their father is gay. I can’t put them through this.”

Ward closed his eyes for a moment, letting Tyler’s words settle in. He pictured in his mind the man that meant so much to him. “Can you at least give me this? Think about it overnight. Don’t decide anything while this is so fresh. We can talk and see what we come up with.”

Tyler didn’t respond.

“Please,” Ward begged.

After a long sigh, Tyler agreed.

They assured each other they loved one another, said good night, and hung up.

Ward steeled his jaw against the emotions which were rising within him. He wasn’t going to give up. Not yet. They were so close. After a long time, he fell asleep.

Ward woke from a sound sleep with a start. He lay there for a minute or so. He felt depressed. As he wondered for a brief moment what had caused this mood, he remembered what was going on with him and Tyler. He also began to remember he’d had a dream. As the pieces of the dream came back to him he understood where this feeling of sadness was coming from.

In the dream he’d been a teenager riding his bike down a trail in a large flowered field. The trail had many twists and turns and dips and hills, but it was a pleasant ride. He had a carefree feeling. He was on his way to something he knew was going to be great, although just what it was he wasn’t sure.

At one point he came to a rise. He stopped and looked at the trail before him. This part was different. It went through a wood. With a bit of trepidation he continued his ride. The trail became rutted and bumpy. Roots of trees caused him to make detours. But he pressed on, knowing that what was at the end was worth the difficulty.

The trail became very steep and ended at the top of a mountain. Below he could see a quiet harbor under a sunny blue sky.. Ward looked for a way down to the harbor. But everywhere he looked there was a sheer drop. There was no way to get there.