Chapter 19 Aftermath
\[Lilia\]
I’m not sure what to think or feel anymore. I desperately wanted to cry, but there were no tears left in my eyes, or better yet, they were tired of weeping. My body felt numb all throughout, while I was sore down there. I curled to the side, trying to cover up my naked body with a thick duvet, and closed my eyes, hoping this was all a nightmare, that Aya will come to my room and wake me up for breakfast.
Just then, I could just forget it. However, that is not what it is. The pain is still there. The stinging sensation burning down on my private area lingered, reminding me of how I am being violated as a woman.
I let out a long shaky breath, peeling my eyes open and looked upon my reflection in the mirrored ceiling. My red-painted room, dimly lighted, was specifically made for someone just like me.
A mere toy for him to play with.
An object for pleasure.
A mess and nothing else.
Inside my head, my life flashes in recollection, painstakingly reminding me of everything I went through.
Never in my entire existence had I imagined that this would be my fate.
After I lost my mother, I never got to feel what it was like to be happy again. To have a family, a life like normal people would be at my age. I buried myself into a responsibility that wasn’t supposed to be mine. I witnessed my father murdered right in front of me.
Everything went plummeting. I was entirely forsaken by the world, and right now, I didn’t even know what the future had in store for me.
After that auction, I was sold like an exotic animal.
I almost died out of my own stupidity, bitten by a damn snake out in the wilderness, but who could blame me? I only wanted the freedom that had been denied to me for a long time.
Long before I came to this hell.
My attention was caught by the soft snoring. The beast that devoured me is soundly sleeping right next to my side, and it took me a lot of restraint not to strangle him while he sleeps. He looks so serene, forbiddingly handsome, but this is a deceptive appearance that he wears.
He may look like a sculpted god fallen from the sky.
He’s a devil.
A man with no soul.
There’s no other word to describe him.
My jaw clenched with rage, but my body protested in pain even with the subtlest force made. My lips hurt when I tried to lick them, swollen and wounded. My throat hurt as I tried to swallow my sobs, and I could still feel his hands wrapped around my neck while he was pumping himself inside me. Even my scalp is throbbing in agony, and I can feel every strand of my hair aching.
A shudder of disgust and shame washed over me.
My hands trembled as I tried to touch my nipples, letting out a silent gasp at the searing sensation that flared once my fingertips touched the tip. They were swollen and tender as well, and it felt like they were about to fall off any moment.
I gingerly tilted my gaze to the sleeping beast, inferring if he was still indeed in deep slumber and would not wake up at the tiniest motion before I slowly pushed myself up, my elbows propped on the mattress while my eyes fixed on him, waiting with my heart beating at my throat in anticipation, watching him closely in case he's roused from his sleep.
I was moving at the rate of a snail's pace. My face distorted with pain, but I endured it until I successfully maneuvered myself to the edge of the bed. I look down on myself, seeing my torn nightdress discarded down at the bottom. My underwear flung to the side in complete abandonment.
As much as I abhorred what had transpired this night, I couldn’t deny the fact that it made me feel utterly peculiar deep down. The way my belly fluttered like a bird had been trapped in it when he was entirely inside me, dulling all the pain with something else I couldn’t discern.
Though, I still hate him.
I pulled my duvet, trying to cover up my body as much even though it would be futile since no one was looking, and if ever Kael would wake up, he had already seen every inch of me, wrapping it around and tying it into a knot just below my collarbone. The very thought of it brought flames on my face, flustering my cheeks with undeniable heat.
I carefully slid off the bed, inhaling deeply as the cold floor collided with my bare feet and the sharp pain shooting over my body as though I had been hit by a truck. My knees were quivering as they struggled to support my weight, and I had to lean my arms against the wall next to my bed to keep myself standing upright.
Inhaling deeply once more, enduring the jabbing pain on my ribcage as my lungs expanded, then my eyes swept towards the faint line of light seeping at the crack beneath the bathroom door. Wiggling my toes, trying to get my blood running once again throughout my entire body, easing all the numbness and feeling the rush coursing through my veins.
Just then, when I was sure that my legs could hold up my weight, I slowly hobbled my way towards the bathroom, the soles on my feet softly padding against the floor.
My hands were clutching tightly over the knot I made to the duvet, letting the fabric drag behind me as I made my way towards the bathroom. I slowly pushed the door, careful not to make any noise, and then slipped inside in one fluid motion. The cold marbled floor sent shudders up to my spine, though I didn’t pay heed to it as I stared at myself in the mirror.
I don’t know if what I saw made me want to cry or made my blood boil with rage and hatred. I have no idea which one would come first, but as soon as I lay my gaze upon myself reflected in the mirror, I froze to my place.
My skin blanched of any color aside from the blotting spots emerging through the surface. Bluish-purple hues painting on my shoulders, arms, handprints on my throat, red marks on my chest, disappearing beneath the duvet, down to the plunging valley between my breasts.
A couple tears managed to race down from the corner of my eyes. My fingers quivered as I loosened the knots, my fingers quivered as the thick fabric sank over my feet and around my ankles. A sobbing gasp left my lips, staring at myself through the mirror. My hands immediately covered my mouth in hopes of muffling any sound coming from me as I stared in disbelief.
Bruises painting all over my skin, even darker shades of blue adorning the insides of my thighs. Faint bloodstains blended with his essence dried up around my private part.
Another wave of sobs escaped from me. I bit down my lips, trying to hold back any noise, yet pain blasted when my teeth scraped over my wound, eliciting a loud whimper.
“I should clean you up.”
My head whipped faster than the speed of light as soon as a deep raspy voice spoke right at the door. I was too caught up with my emotions that I failed to notice him walking inside the bathroom. He must have seen me leaving and pretended to sleep. Mossy green eyes met my gaze. His piercing gaze lingered over my body, despite the fact that it was devoid of any lasciviousness. His features remained austere, frigid, and blank. Far different from the beast that had ravished me a while ago.
I am angry, hurt, bruised inside and out. I wanted to punch him square in the face and spit on him, but all that only ran inside my head, knowing I would be dead before I reached him. I could no longer move. My feet were nailed to the floor as my tears gushed forth like a dam, drowning the entire fjord.
I just wanted to end all of these.
To put an end to my suffering and find peace.
“Just kill me, please.”
Even though I fear death, that could be the only escape I have at this moment.