Chapter 28

"And why exactly is that? I would love to have you by my side forever," said Arjun, mustering every bit of strength in himself as he prepared himself for the consequent conversation.

"Maybe if we had met in some other way, as someone else, it could have worked out but now." Jyotsna left the rest unvoiced as an unnerving smile ghosted upon her lips. His words had sent her heart racing and several butterflies fluttered in her belly in a way she struggled to even appear normal.

"We cannot really change the past, can we? There are a lot of things I would want to change in my life, Jyotsna, but definitely not meeting you. Yes, the circumstances in which we met and our assigned designations were not ideal but as they say ideal love stories do not work out and I want us to work, I really do," he replied, his mind replaying their banters, the first surge of admiration for her when she stood to her ground and the first rush of adrenaline as he held her close to avoid Namita's suspicion.

He had certainly not known that he was falling for her, but it was too late when he had realized the same and he was never in denial. The pacing of his heart, serenity which enveloped him along with her presence, the delight which embraced him with her sight, the desperate urge to erase her tears and overwhelming ecstasy which kicked him in the gut at her smile; everything just indicated his amour for her.

"You do?" she prompted, eying him hesitantly. Before the miscarriage and the fiasco, she had found herself growing attached towards him. From respecting her wishes to accommodating her hobbies, from fighting with his family to fighting with even her for her own wellbeing, he had surely brewed a potent potion to entice her. Alas, everything had shattered and withered when her womb had withered.

"I most certainly do. I love you, Jyotsna. I was meaning to tell you since long, but I just did not know how to approach this, and the doctor had advised me to refrain from giving any kind of stress. But at this juncture, I cannot help but reveal the deepest secret of my heart to the one who owns it," he answered, holding her hands in his as he caressed them affectionately.

"Such an irony, you see. I was waiting for my Prince Charming all my life and when I am being told that I own the heart of one, I do not know how to respond. You know why I tell you that we should have met in some other world, Arjun? I no longer believe in love and you do not believe in marriage. A relationship not defined by either of them, you think we can sustain it?" she asked, hints of brine appearing in her eyes as she eyed his disappointed and heartbroken expressions. She did not want to hurt him, but she did not want to find herself in a relationship which had no clarity and find herself broken again.

"Relationships are not defined by tags but by emotions, Jyotsna. I think we have emotions which are strong enough to sustain any relationship. You may not believe in love, I may not believe in marriage, but we do believe in each other, don't we? Why can't that be enough?" he demanded, agony throttling his heart by her replies. He was aware that it was more difficult than he could imagine believing in that one emotion that ravaged her life, but he regretted that one thing that could be offered as assurance to her was condemned by him.

"I am scared to believe once again, Arjun. Scared to believe, scared to love, scared to fight, maybe even scared to live. I truly do not know what to do with my life after this pregnancy is over. I am sorry, Arjun. Trust me, when I say this, if the situation was different, if we weren't caught with these insecurities, I would have loved to be yours," she assured, enveloping him in a warm embrace.

That moment of proximity was what it took for them to lose every inhibition. Tears flowed through their eyes as their heart shed tears of blood. Both of them had regret punching them in the guts that they were not able to clear the insecurities of the other and did not know the way to calm the one who seemed to rule their soul - that soul ravaged by the demons of the past which snatched their ability to trust.

"I wish I could offer marriage as an assurance to you, Jyotsna. But seeing how it killed my parents, how they were never happy, I had already lost faith in that institution. And when Di's ex-husband had divorced her when she miscarried, instead of understanding her drive to work, I just knew that I could not trust something which destroyed everyone in my family. I am so sorry, Jyotsna. I wish I could do something to ease your distress and I wish there was some way we could be together," he confessed, holding her tightly against her chest as he felt their hearts racing together in synchronization, the rhythm which seemed to soothe him momentarily.

"Me too. I am so sorry about your past. I do not have any right to ask someone to face their insecurities when I am not able to. But how I wish that we had nothing to bind us, nothing to haunt us and nothing to torment us!" she sobbed, his embrace offering her the solace she had been missing since years. The protectiveness, the concern, the affection and the warmth, so reminiscent of home, so representative of heaven and so resplendent of love.

Their solace lied in each other's arms, yet their insecurities prevented them from uniting. Will their souls yearning to unite give them enough strength to overcome those obstacles or will they overpower their quest to unite?