Chapter 27

"I was thinking about something," said Jyotsna suddenly as they were sipping their juices, thankfully just pomegranate according to Arjun.

"Yes?" prompted Arjun, wondering what had caused the stress lines to appear on her pale and angelic face.

"I was thinking that I should mend my relationship with Mr. Khanna, I mean Varun. What he did was unimaginable and the most unbelievable thing but coming to think of it, how would we have waived the loan off? We were not well-educated to find high-paying jobs, we did not have any other property. We would lose whatever shelter we had and every bit we had paid till then would be wasted. Maybe he did what he thought should be done and he does regret doing this, doesn't he?" she questioned, thoughtfully.

She had gone over the scenario over and over again. Varun was selfish but even she was included in his 'self'. She had the most threat if they had come onto roads being a young woman in a dangerous area. His road was immoral and deceitful, but could intention have been to avert other mishaps?

"He traded your self-respect, Jyotsna. I mean, the things he had agreed to, I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if it was someone other than me. They would have exploited you in ways you can't think of," he countered, dread pooling in the pit of his abdomen as he played the numerous scenarios in his mind.

"In this world, Arjun Ranawat, poor don't have a right to self-respect. When jokes are made at their expense, when they are expected to bow down to every demand of the affluent and when their lives are considered to be somehow inferior to the influential people, you think someone can hold-on to their self-respect. And he did not agree to things on his own, he was propositioned and blackmailed. I was in the position once and I know that feeling of pressure closing upon you. That helplessness can make one do anything," she replied, her eyes swirling with pain and mirthless humor as her lips curved up in derision.

"The right to self-respect is not exclusive, Jyotsna. Yes, we are hardly fair in this game of life but what can we do? Scales always tilt in the favor of those who have power, whether they like it or not. But trust me, somewhere, those scales also tilt against their favor. Or how would I have come up with something so deranged as surrogacy to just woo my family?" he wondered, placing the glass on the side-table as he felt weakness taking over him because of the overbearing thoughts.

"Mostly, everyone just does what they deem to be fit in the situation, based on their perspective, based on their lens of experience. There are just a few imbalanced people who just do things because they find sadistic pleasure in that. In this case, I think everyone just did what was either expected of us or what we thought was best. I mean, people do marry their sons for dowry, people do contract killings, they indulge in drug dealings, is this worse than that?" questioned Jyotsna, the conflict between forgiveness and anger running stronger by every moment.

"I really don't think that it is a contest, Jyotsna. Money has the power to make everyone as its slaves and I really haven't been in your condition so I don't think I can even begin to comprehend this. I have always been on that end of spectrum where I have exploited the power which money brought, not the one withstanding its onslaught," replied Arjun , realizing how contrasting they were, yet, he could not help but appreciate the differences and aspire to clear them.

"You know, Varun and I were very close in childhood. We were best friends. After Amma and Bauji passed away, I had shifted to Maa's residence and he was the one who made me laugh after everything that happened. Despite our poor financial conditions, he used to always bring the gift I wanted for my birthday and Raksha Bandhan, by cutting down on his own expenses. I used to wonder what happened that we drifted apart and now I realize that life happened," she mused, smiling sadly as she looked out of the window, reminiscing the bitter-sweet moments.

Arjun held her hand, lying in her lap, as he rubbed patterns giving assurance over the back of her palm. The tender and affectionate gesture made her turn towards him and look straight into his eyes, losing herself. It was that feeling of oneness that she both craved and dreaded; craved as it seemed to drown her in an ocean of bliss much like his name and dreaded because she knew that there were many boundaries, they had themselves erected which would prevent them being one.

"You want those moments back, don't you?" he asked, whimsically, ghost of a smile hovering over his features.

"You can't be influential enough to turn back time, can you?" she joked, holding his gaze as her lips stretched further.

"I can't but maybe you are right. Maybe your forgiveness can bring back those times. I have seen regret in his eyes, and such regret can change any man. But don't do anything because you are supposed to do it. Do it only if your heart says so, only if your mind agrees with it," he said, holding her other hand in his, leaning towards her.

"Choice is what she craves the most, Mr. Ranawat, and providing the ability to choose will be her cure."

Dr. Nisha's words rang in his ears as he replied to Jyotsna. He had empathized with Varun as a brother when Jyotsna had turned vengeful and he was sure that Varun would never jeopardize her emotions again. He was also aware that her forgiveness should just be her decision just like how her relationship with her brother was.

"I don't think I am that impulsive anymore. Anyways, when all this ends, I will have to return to that same brother, look at that same face every day and I cannot carry this anger in front of our mother. She would recognize that something is wrong within minutes. Also, I cannot burn myself by holding it against him anymore and be reminded of the torment every time he apologizes or expresses regret in any way. Ignoring him was, anyways, tough for me and I hope accepting him back would make it all easy," she replied, her initial words making Arjun jerk away from her while she was too lost in her thoughts to notice.

Their conflicting ideas about love and marriage had made their future very questionable and hence Arjun had resorted to living the moment and relishing every moment. Jyotsna voiced out that after her pregnancy ended, she would move out and demolish the castle of clouds which, even he knew, had no future. Truth, as always, was bitter and painful.

"After all this ends?" he ended up asking, unable to douse his curiosity.

"I mean, after the pregnancy and the initial three-four months. I can't live here forever obviously," she answered, stating in a matter-of-fact tone as Arjun felt his worst fears coming true.

Will their own emotions turn out to be antagonists for their union?