CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
The next night, Angelo and I return to the boxing ring–now my favorite exercise and stress release. “I want you to keep an eye out for a house,” I tell him as he drives us back to my place.
“For the four of us?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“The guys on board?”
“I haven’t talked to them about it,” I say. “It’s not a real decision yet. Who knows how long it will take you to find a suitable place big enough for all of us.”
He taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “To buy or to rent?”
“I don’t care. Find the house first; we’ll figure out the money later.”
“What’s your dream house look like?”
“I literally dreamt it,” I tell him. Then I recount the dream, not withholding any details.
“That is quite an ask,” he says, pulling onto my street.
“Impossible?”
He winks. “You know how I feel about the impossible. Let me do some research.”
“We’re not in any rush,” I tell him. “Things are good right now.”
“Yeah, they are,” he says enthusiastically. “By the way, I think we landed on a location for a group date.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“There’s an establishment that’s technically a restaurant but the main attraction is that they have close to 1,000 board games you can play. None of us have ever been, and it seemed like a cool activity to try together. You down with that?”
“Hell yeah.”
“We made a pact not to get overly competitive.”
“Maybe some games with collaboration rather than annihilating the other players,” I suggest.
“But annihilation is so fun,” he says with a simper.
I shake my leg. “Have you told your mom about this situation yet?”
“Ha! No. She adores you, and she likes us together, but I have no idea how she’ll react to me being part of… this. I haven’t figured out a way to break that news yet. Plus, Latrice will be fucking relentless.”
“I don’t know how much longer you’ll be able to hide this, especially if we move in together.”
“I know it’ll have to happen eventually, but I don’t know how to do it,” he says. “I did tell her that it was Brian Russell and not Matt who outed me. She’s still figuring out how to assimilate that information. And I told her that Jarel and I reconnected; she’s happy about that.
“But if I tell her why he and I reconnected or how I know about Brian Russell… That’s a conversation that I can’t casually have while she’s stirring chili.”
“She wants you to be happy. She’ll eventually accept the relationship. Plus, I’m sure she’d want her grandchildren at Sunday dinner.”
He grins. “‘Grandchildren’? Plural?”
“We can’t have a big house and then just the four of us, now can we?”
“Oh, I’m finding us that house!”
“That impatient?” I ask with a chuckle.
“For you to have my baby?” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “The sooner, the better.”
Sooner it is.
***
The next morning, Matt and I hold hands and meander through the park.
“Tracey’s getting out of rehab tomorrow,” he tells me.
“How is she?”
“You should hear her, Val. She’s a whole different person. Not quite the woman I remember at nineteen, but close. I think she might actually commit this time.”
I knock my shoulder against him. “I’m glad.”
“If I hadn’t met you and reconnected with Angelo, this might never have happened. I’m not a big believer in fate, but I think things may have worked out the way they’re supposed to this time.”
We walk quietly while I debate whether to broach the next subject.
“What do you think about us moving in together?” I ask him.
He raises his eyebrows. “Us? You and me?”
I have to kill my smirk. “And Angelo and Jarel.”
“Right,” he says, as if he’d developed amnesia about me dating other men.
“So?”
“Into a four-bedroom house?”
“Or seven or whatever.”
He furrows his eyebrows at me.
“Kids,” I say.
“Ah.”
“You thought they were going to sleep… where, exactly?”
He chortles. “So… We’re moving into a mansion?”
“Not a mansion, just a house that can accommodate a large family.”
“Uh huh. I’m pretty sure that’s a mansion.” He clicks his tongue, clearly somewhere else. “Here’s my problem, Val.”
Shit. I told Angelo to start looking because I assumed there wouldn’t be any resistance. What the hell?
“I suspect you and I earn approximately the same income.”
I nod. “I assume it’s pretty close.”
“Angelo does well as a real estate agent. He’s good at what he does, and he probably earns close to double what we do.”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I say, “but probably.”
“And Jarel likely earns five times what we make. Maybe more.”
“Right… So?”
“So, what they can afford isn’t the same as what we can afford. All four of us are going to sign a lease or… a mortgage? Together?”
I shrug. “Why not?”
He releases my hand and places his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “Because if things go sideways, we’re all screwed.”
I almost roll my eyes. “Nothing is going to go wrong, Matt.”
“Let’s assume that your dream scenario comes true, and you’re with all of us for the rest of our lives. Even if that happens, there are other potential problems. What if one of us has to support their aging parents? What if we sign a mortgage based on Jarel’s income, and then he loses his job? Buying or even renting a place financially ties us together, and tangled finances lead to messes.”
I’m not in the mood for ‘what if’ scenarios. “If something like that happens, we’ll deal with it.” I stop walking and touch his arm. “Matt, I love you. I really do. But if we’re going to be together, you’re going to have to have some faith. I can’t live in fear of the future, and I don’t want you to either.”
Part of me wishes that he would say those words to me instead of vice versa, but I also remind myself of who Matt is, at least who he is with me. He’s not going to take control like this.
“You’re right, hon.” He loosely wraps his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
He kisses me and pulls me closer. His soft lips erase my annoyance, but when he begins to pull away, I gently bite his bottom lip and hold him in place. I run my hands down his sides and slide them into his back pockets.
He’s either incapable or unwilling to escape my grasp, and I pull him against me.
He moans, then tightens his embrace.
I release his lip before immediately kissing him again, letting my next bite linger. When I pull back, I look into his eyes and smile mischievously.
“You’re right,” he murmurs.
“Good.” I kiss him quickly and remove my hands.
When we begin walking again, he takes my hand. “That was hot.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“Your power is fucking sexy.”
“To you.”
He glances at me. “Yes, to me.”
“If we move in together, maybe we should have a conversation about what that power looks like.”
He squeezes my hand. “Not maybe. Definitely.”
***
The night before the big date, I take a long bubble bath and pamper myself. It’s late by the time I stand in front of my closet, pretending to look for an outfit for tomorrow, but mostly daydreaming.
I’ve been doing that a lot recently. Daydreaming. Because if this date goes well, I want more than sex and commitment.
I want it all.
I hadn’t really planned to tell Angelo like that, but his excitement made me excited. His impatience made me impatient. And thinking about being pregnant made me think about getting pregnant.
If this date goes well…
Still, we need the house. One with a security system.
Ever since Jarel expressed his fear, it’s been in the back of my brain, gnawing at my common sense. My bedroom door is a reminder that I’m not safe, and the idea of putting my three men in danger–and then bringing children into that world… If I think too much about it, I won’t be able to go through it. Sometimes, I even think about breaking up with them, just to protect them.
And I nearly cry.
But I give myself logical reassurance. Damon’s in prison, and as long as he stays there, everything will be fine. I don’t need to worry about things I can’t control, and I need to make my life decisions based on the reality of my present, not the possible future.
My vibrating phone startles me back to the present. Who would call me this late?
When I see the name on the screen, my hands begin to shake. I can immediately feel the buzzing of adrenaline in my brain, and it takes me three tries to swipe up and answer the phone.
“Val, it’s Candace Robins, the assistant district attorney. I’m sorry to call so late, but there’s something you need to know.”