Chapter 89

The walls of my room felt colder tonight, a chill seeping through every pore in my skin. I wrapped myself tighter in the blankets, but they couldn’t ease the hollow ache inside me. There was something wrong. Something I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried.

Arsen lay beside me, his breathing steady, strong. Even in sleep, his face was calm, set in that determined way he always wore. His chest rose and fell in a rhythm I usually found comforting, an anchor to my scattered thoughts. But tonight, even he couldn’t banish the darkness pressing down on me.

I shifted to face him, watching his peaceful expression as my mind ran through the same looping thoughts that had haunted me for days. I’d tried to tell myself it was just exhaustion, that everything happening with Ascian and the weight of these past weeks had finally caught up to me. But deep down, I knew it was more than that.

I felt my hand move to my stomach, pressing lightly as if somehow, I could find the answer to the dread twisting inside. What if Ascian had done something? What if he’d left some mark, some curse I couldn’t shake? I swallowed hard, the thought creeping up on me again. A spell? Or… worse?

A wave of nausea rose in my throat, and I pulled my hand back as if burned. I tried to keep my breathing steady, to push down the dread, but it kept climbing, relentless. I barely noticed when Arsen stirred beside me, his arm moving to rest on my shoulder. I tensed, but he didn’t pull back, just lay there, as steady as ever.

“Aelin.” His voice was soft, heavy with sleep, but I could feel the way his presence sharpened, his awareness locked on me. He sat up, tracing a gentle line over my shoulder with his thumb, his gaze so full of understanding that I felt my throat tighten.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice a low murmur, wrapping around me like a blanket. “You’re tense. I can feel your worry, even with the bond the way it is.” His eyes searched mine, and I felt my stomach twist.

I swallowed, struggling to find the words. Saying it out loud felt like giving my fear power, but I knew Arsen would see through me. He always did. I took a breath, each word weighted with the dread I couldn’t shake.

“I… Arsen, I don’t feel right,” I finally managed, hating how fragile my voice sounded. “It’s like something inside me is missing. Or… or broken.”

His hand tightened on my shoulder, his warmth grounding me even as the world seemed to spin. “What do you mean?” he asked gently, his brows furrowed in that way that showed he was already working through possibilities.

I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat. But I couldn’t keep it from him, not when the fear was tearing me apart from the inside. “What if… what if Ascian did something to me?” I whispered, barely managing to get the words out. “I can’t feel the heat anymore, Arsen. And it’s not just that. It’s as if… he left something behind. Something I can’t shake.”

Arsen’s face darkened, his eyes narrowing as he processed what I was saying. His hand moved over mine, the steady weight of his touch anchoring me. “Ascian,” he repeated, his voice low and laced with a quiet, restrained anger. “You think he…?”

I nodded, feeling a horrible wave of shame. “What if he cursed me? Or… worse. What if he’s taken something I can’t get back?”

The words hung between us, and my shame grew, knowing I’d let him see me like this, so raw and vulnerable. But Arsen’s hand tightened around mine, steady and sure, like he was willing me not to drown in my own fear.

“Aelin.” His voice was gentle but firm, grounding me with its strength. “Look at me.”

I forced myself to meet his gaze, staring into the dark depths of his eyes. “I’d know if something was wrong,” he said, his voice low and calm, like a promise meant just for me. “The mate bond would tell me, even if Ascian’s magic tried to cloak it. And as for a spell… if that’s what we’re dealing with, we’ll find a way to break it.”

His certainty wrapped around me, a lifeline in the midst of my panic. But the thought still gnawed at me, the idea of losing something I hadn’t even dared to hope for until Arsen had come into my life. “What if it’s too late?” I whispered, barely able to hold his gaze. “What if… if I can never give you—”

“Aelin.” His voice was fierce, cutting through the storm in my mind. His hands moved to cradle my face, pulling me close enough that I couldn’t look anywhere but at him. “Listen to me. Whatever Ascian did, he doesn’t have the power to take our future. I don’t care what kind of magic he used; we’re stronger than that. And no matter what happens, this doesn’t change anything between us.”

My breath shook, and I wrapped my fingers around his wrists, feeling his warmth, his strength seep into me. “I want to believe that,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper, almost afraid to say it aloud.

“Then trust me,” he murmured, his thumb brushing over my cheek, grounding me. “Tomorrow, we’ll find someone who can help us. If there’s even a hint of magic, we’ll root it out. No one is going to take this from us, Aelin. You’re not in this alone.”

His words melted the ice that had lodged in my chest, lifting some of the weight pressing down on me. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, sinking into his touch, letting him steady me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, resting my forehead against his, feeling the warmth of his breath as he drew me in. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer, and for the first time in days, I felt a small spark of hope.

As we lay together in the dark, his arms a safe haven against everything outside, I listened to the steady beat of his heart, grounding me. I let myself melt into his warmth, soaking up his strength as his quiet breathing began to ease the shadows from my mind.

Arsen held me until my own breathing slowed, his presence a balm against the fear that still lingered. Even as sleep began to pull me under, the fear remained at the edges, casting shadows. But with Arsen’s arms around me, I felt stronger, braver.

And as I drifted off, I clung to his promise. Whatever came, I wouldn’t face it alone.