Chapter 76

I shook my head, “maybe it would’ve been better if you wouldn’t have held on to that hope.”

“What are talking about?” Arsen’s anger seemed to rise from his chest, burning him up as he tried his best to contr0l it.

“You should’ve made her your Luna.”

“Are you even hearing yourself, Aelin?” He steps away from me infuriated. He looks at me. I don’t cower down, so he continues. “You would have never left Kylain, the moment I would have taken some type of interest in you, because like it or not, we are mates. Alexis would have made sure to make your life an even bigger hell than it already was. So, you would still be there, treated like a slave and with the return of Khann, probably getting harassed or even raped again, because apart from those orphans, nobody gave a flying fuck about you. So, you better be grateful.”

“Arsen…”

“I can’t fucking believe it!” He throws his hands up in disbelief.

“You have to let me go,” I say quietly.

I would forever be grateful for Arsen but the North doesn’t want me and as an Alpha, he is an extension of it, and if they don’t approve of me, one day neither will he. I may be worth a lot to him now, but when will he realise that I am simply not worth the bustle? That people would be happier with someone else. That I was never intended for this role and that my constant fight to try to comply with the requirements of this pack was slowly killing me. I was tired. I hadn’t had a moment to stop trying to be more in so long. It was time to give up.

I hadn’t finished the sentence, yet he had already snapped his head at me and with unwinding eyes, he spoke, “I won’t.”

“Arsen, I promise you it’s for the best.”

“For who?” He came closer to me, cornering me between the mattress and his massive body.

“For this pack. For every member of the North. For all of them.”

He snapped his tongue against the roof of his mouth and looked away from me as he walked away, dismissing me. He had ran out of patience. He was done with me. He looked at me with his eyes completely black. Anger burning through him. His blood was boiling up. He was scaring me and unlike any other time, he didn’t care this time.

“*Aelin, you’re mine,*” he shouted at me with his Alpha-voice. “*You won’t leave.*”

With those words, he slammed the door and left me inside the room. My whole body froze against my will. I couldn’t move as my sobs tried to rip against my frozen chest. I heard his steps as he made it down the stairs. It wasn’t long until I began hearing everyone: Darya, Lia, Ulises, Cullen and Forrest, enter the house, and they all began talking.

I had made myself into a ball, fighting against my body to even move. I cried into my hands, trying to get as much air into my lungs as I could. I felt as though I was drowning. I wanted out. Arsen had turned one of my biggest fears into a reality. He had used his Alpha voice on me. I could hear at times his angry roars from downstairs. He wasn’t apologizing any time soon. It fueled my memories of Khan and the idea that Arsen could and would do the same. Ascian would’ve never done that to me. He was better than that, he understood me. He cared for me.

Now, all that I knew was that every time I closed my eyes, I went back to that day when Khann forced himself onto me. However, now my rapist had Arsen’s face and it felt so real. Every second I spent alone in that room, fueled my fears. My body shook only at the thought of facing Arsen again, what would he say? What would he do to me?

*He wouldn’t do that* A voice said in my head.

My wolf.

*We’ve hurt his wolf,* she continued to tell me.

*He used his Alpha-voice,* I cried back to her.

*The Alpha-voice doesn’t work on mates, you pushed him to his limits,* she excused.

*And aren’t we past ours?*

She remained quiet after that. At the end of the day, we were one and just like my human self, she was the first one to feel unwelcomed and unwanted. We deserved better. We deserved what Ascian promised us yet his parents stopped us from getting. Love and tranquility. Not this shit hole.

I got up and started pacing around the room. My wolf had also built a bond with Ascian after all those years. Not even a quarter as strong as my bond with Arsen, but at this point as painful as it could be to go against the mate bond, it still offered a release. A little breather after having been fighting for so long.

The fact that Arsen didn’t try to understand me, he didn’t offer me even the slightest care angered me. He used his Alpha voice on me and then stormed off this room. He didn’t look back, try to tap into my emotions with his wolf to make sure I was okay. He had left.

Rage began cursing through my body as I thought about Arsen. I wouldn’t let him hurt me, implant those images of that night again into my brain, have me crying on a bed alone as he chatted with his friends. I wouldn’t have that. Specially not after how his pack has treated me, and disrespected me.

Impulsively, I opened the door and began walking downstairs. I didn’t try to quiet down my steps. Loud thumps as my feet hit the wooden floors. The voices downstairs went quiet. By the time, I appeared in the living room where they were sitting, they were all looking in my direction.

My face was read with anger. A look most of them hadn’t been expecting as they looked at me with a slight shock. Not Arsen, he was unphased with my reaction.

“Aelin,” Arsen pronounced.

“Everyone leave,” I ordered everyone but Arsen.

There was hesitation as they looked at each other before facing Arsen, they followed him, not me.

“Everyone stay,” Arsen contradicted me. “Aelin, since you’ve been bold enough to come downstairs, may as well tell everyone your great plan.”

“It’s not a plan, it’’s a fact. I’m leaving the North and I’m going back to Ascian.”

Arsen’s face contorted in rage.

“Why?” Darya asked with a mixture of sadness and confusion.

It brought me out of my tunnel vision on Arsen for a mere second, but my anger was too strong to dissipate that easily.

“I’m not wanted in this pack, Ascian wants me in his kingdom, may as well kill two birds with one stone,” I explained.

“You are wanted in this pack,” Cullen stated as a matter of fact.

A chuckle escaped my lips, “by who?”

“Us,” Cullen answered.

“No. Your Alpha does. You guys are simply following orders,” I argued. “But Arsen also wants Alexis, and I bet you would follow those orders too.”

Many of them made the attempt to argue my point but Forrest beat them all to it.

“And Ascian is better?” Forrest laughed.

“Yes.” I answered without hesitation, fueled by only anger.

“Is that why you want to break your mate bond with Arsen?” He asked almost casually, and this was the first time that I had thought about it that way. Arsen and I had sealed our mate bond, it wasn’t as easy as a simple rejection. I would have to break my mate bond with Arsen, and that’s what I had been asking him to do.

“I-.”

Forrest quickly interjected as he studied my doubt and hesitance for not more than a second. “To be honest, I know your reasons. What I’m actually weirded out by is why do you want to go back to Ascian?”

“What do you mean?” I asked confused,

“Didn’t that guy absolutely betray you and conducted the entire rejection process?”

I tried to think about it, revisit my entire memory to try to find an answer to that question. The reality was that I couldn’t find an answer to that question. I didn’t know. It almost felt as that memory had been deleted from my brain.

“His parents did,” I corrected him, that was the only time line that made sense with all my other memories of Ascian. He would have never done that. He told me he loved me. He wanted me. He even wants me now.

Forrest shook his head. “He did. Ascian felt so betrayed by ‘your actions’ that he felt the need to take the responsability of conducting and organising your rejection process.”

“I-eh.” I couldn’t remember, yet as he spoke it was as though my head was managing to slowly unfold a memory that had been hidden and trashed in a corner of my brain.

“Don’t you remember what happened when you told him? The things that he called you? Did he maybe even slap you across the face?”

My eyes shut close remembering a bit too closely that whole incidence. I could hear the loud sound the palm of his hand made when it came in contact so violently against my face. I could hear his words, they made my ears ping. I began to breathe heavy as Ascian’s words dawned on me.

“What did he do after that, Aelin? Try to remember,” he pushed.

“Forrest, stop!” Darya shouted, “not like this!”

“Remember how he snitched on you to his parents,” Forrest almost giggled. Tears began rolling down my face. The embarrassment and guilt rained over me. I looked at my surroundings. *Filthy, unpure whore.* I could see it in their eyes what they thought of me. “How he spoke about you to the rest, how he made you get on your knees,” Forrest continued, catching my attention once again. “He forced you to retell all about that awful experience with Khann, didn’t he? Khann was also there and he teamed up against you. They made you cry so much, you passed out.”

“Forrest, I think that’s enough.” Arsen finally spoke up.

“Where did you wake up later that day?” He asked, ignoring his Alpha.

I shook my head ‘no’. I didn’t want to remember.

“Forrest, I told you to stop.”

“She has to know, Alpha.” Forrest answered. “It’s for her own good, she rejected you, Alpha. She’ll leave you if I don’t.” His green eyes snapped back to me and without missing a beat he said, “you were naked weren’t you?”

“You were naked, tied to a pole by your collar like a dog. All those-.”

“Everyone out.” Arsen ordered as Forrest continued telling his story.

“-vampires threw rotting food at you for the entire weekend and called you names. Until, Ascian came and got you out.”

“Forrest, this is a fucking order. Stop!”

“He gave you hope, he washed and told you nice things, only to whip you like the animal that you are in the square.”

It wasn’t any square either, it was the biggest square, they had tied me up and I was being whipped as people cheered for Ascian to continue. Redeeming his mistake of choosing me by whipping my back.

“What did he do after he whipped you, Aelin? Do you remember how weak you were? How you couldn’t even stand up? How you were covered in your own blood?”

“Forrest, stop!”Arsen shouted. I guess from the shiver that went down my spine he must’ve used his Alpha voice again, but I couldn’t tell. I was too far gone in my own brain.

“He coated me with pig’s fat,” I whispered as the memory came back to me.

Defeated, I looked at my frail hands. I dropped them to my sides and I sighed as I turned away. I had tuned everything out as I realised that there was truly no one I could count on.