Chapter 75

“Why didn’t you kill him?” I questioned him.

“We don’t kill our own people.”

“We,” I laughed. “But he was going to kill me, so then who isn’t part of this *we*? Me or him.”

“You’re both part of this pack.”

“Bullshit.”

I turn to walk away again but he pulls me back this time even harder. Almost hurting me.

“Stop it with the disrespect, Aelin. We may be mates, but disrespect I don’t allow.”

“Are you going to use your Alpha-voice with me?” I dare him.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

I shrug, “Arsen,” my tone cools down as I reach to touch him caringly. “Look the reality of the situation is that you can do as you please, but if all those people are not happy with the decision, there exists a chance that the Moon just got us wrong.”

“No.”

“Think about it, talk with the other werewolves, listen to them, genuinely.” We looked into each other’s eyes momentarily, “I’m happy to go back to Ascian, end it all for good. I won’t hate you for it. I understand.”

I exhale slowly.

I kiss him on his cheek and I walk away from him. I was so tired. I only wanted to go and rest.

Slowly, I start to feel an anxiety that isn’t mine. It feels suffocating as I struggle to make my way up the stairs. I know Arsen is not one to share this type of feeling through the bond, which means either he’s too focus breaking down what just happened to realize he is not masking or there is a limit to what one can mask through the mate bond.

I make it to the room and pray to the Goddess that Arsen is downstairs, away from me, because I don’t have the energy to fight him. I have to block myself from the bond if I am to keep sane until Arsen comes to his senses and realizes the burden I am to this pack.

I hadn’t finished my prayer when I felt his presence behind me. I look back.

He grabs me, sweeping me off my feet and onto his arms. I try to pull myself away from him. Now, it’s not the time Arsen. Please.

“Aelin, you’re not leaving.” He states.

“Arsen-.”

“Don’t. Tell me you’re not leaving and you don’t want to leave, Aelin.” His voice is hard and precise. An order from a superior to their lowest in command. An order that leaves no place for hesitance. It is an order to follow blindly- yet I can’t.

I don’t say anything as tears start rolling down my eyes.

“Aelin, tell me.”

I feel his panic through the bond. It makes it harder for me to breathe. His eyes stare back at mine with such frenzy.

“Arsen, you know I love you,” I try to calm him down.

“Aelin, tell me you’re not leaving. Not you. Please.” He almost begs.

“I can’t be your Luna, Arsen,” I touch his face, trying to make him understand. My much calmer voice and touch against his manic one.

“You won’t be my mistress.” He finalizes.

“I know it hurts now Arsen, but maybe in a few-.”

“Aelin, stop it! You aren’t leaving me. I don’t care what this pack wants or thinks its best for you, I already lost someone because of them, I won’t do it again,” he confessed. This was the most he had ever shared with me about his past and made me wonder about so many other things.

“You’re putting a lot of people’s life in danger for me,” I commented softly.

“You’re out of your mind if you think I’m giving you to a fucking vampire. You are mine, Aelin. Mine. You’ve told me. You’re mine. Get that in your head and for as long as I live you are part of this pack, you are Luna and you are mine. No one else’s.”

“I love you too, Arsen.”

“Stop talking to me like that, Aelin! Stop it. You don’t know how much it’s angering my fucking wolf. You are bound to me and so am I to you. Don’t. Even for a second. Think that I’m going to let you off my sight. I’ll whip everyone in this pack to submit to you if that’s what it takes. But, don’t for a fucking moment think that I would just let you walk away.”

I let myself fall against his body and hug him.

“I’ll make this okay, Aelin. Trust me. You’ve beaten Alexis with only a month and a half’s training. You are so strong, so beyond what I could ever ask for a mate. Listen, you’re coming back with me to the capital tomorrow. We’ll put those fun skills to show while training as well as finally enlist you into werewolf classes. Everything is going to be okay. We have gotten confirmation that no war will start between the Vampire Kingdom and the North, so anything that Ascian may pull we can protect ourselves from. He doesn’t have the numbers.”

“How many times did you sleep with Alexis?”

His muscles tensed at my question. “I don’t think you want the answer to that question.”

“I do.”

“Too many,” he admitted as he sat down on the bed.

My heart aches with that information. Self-inflicted, yes, but he had done it. Images of the two of them cloud my brain as I close my eyes painfully and pull my head back and away. I rub my face with my hand, pulling myself back together.

“Did you ever tell her that you wished she was your mate or Luna?”

“No. I only ever slept with her, but since I was sixteen people had began talking about that possibility. When we both turned eighteen, the whole movement died down. But, “he sighed and I could see from his face, the following words weren’t going to appease me, “it took me so long to find you,” he kissed me on the shoulder. “Most people demanded a Luna, and Alexis was their first choice for this pack.”

“Did you ever consider that?”

He took a deep breath and I could feel his remorse through the mate bond. “Yes, I had made a deal with the pack that if I didn’t find my mate by the end of this summer, I would.”

I exhaled roughly. I didn’t know how to feel about anything.

“But I found you right in time,” he told me. “Right when I needed you the most.”