Chapter 77

“Aelin,” Arsen called for me, his hand touching me as he grabbed my arm for me to stop.

I halted, looked back at him. While his wolf hadn’t calmed down from our altercation, it was clear that he was trying to help. His tone was caring as so were his black eyes that seemed to have soften.

I pulled my arm away from his in a quick and angry movement. “Don’t you ever fucking touch me again,” I barked at him and I ran upstairs to my room. I slammed the door and looked for a lock to realize this room didn’t have one.

I got on the bed and facing away from the door, I pulled myself into a ball. I knew I had to save my energy for later if I was planning on kicking Arsen out of my room. I didn’t want to sleep with him, I didn’t want to share a room, or any space for that matter, with him.

Forrest was as good as dead to me. *It’s for her own good*. His words resonated in my brain, how he was able to excuse his behavior, his lack of empathy for something so traumatizing like my rejection just because I told his Alpha I wanted out. How cruel he could be when he didn’t care for you.

“*Aelin*,” his voice resonated in my head.

My eyebrows furrowed as I tried blocking him out.

“Aelin,” I heard his voice again, but this time I realised it wasn’t in my head. I didn’t turn to face me. I didn’t want to talk to him.

“Arsen, I don’t want you here.”

“I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“How many things shouldn’t you have let happen?” I asked him, turning around and sitting up on the bed to face him accusing him with my eyes.

“Don’t you think I haven’t tried? All that I’ve done ever since I’ve met you has been trying to help you. If there is one thing this pack dislikes is the weak-,” he tries explaining but I cut him off.

“And I am weak,” I mattered.

“Well, yeah, in a way. When you came you have barely woken up your wolf and only because I marked you after you nearly died on your Heat. I can’t use my Alpha-voice around you.”

“You used it with me today,” I accused him.

“And we’ll address that after talking about this.” I looked away, allowing him to continue. “As I was saying, I can’t use it around you and I may not use it much, but it is useful and natural for my wolf to use when handling situations of disrespect.”

“Is that why you used it with me today? Because I disrespected you?”

“I said, we’ll talk about that later,” he reminded me. His patience was lacking more than other times. It was clear that as much as he wanted to ease the situation, he couldn’t set aside the fact that I had rejected our mate bond. “I had to fight with countless people over giving you more time and space to recover and to slowly get back on your feet.”

“So, I’ve been a burden to you?”

“No. I did it once and I’d do that again if needed, but I’ve been trying to keep you at bay as much as I could for as long as possible. I’m sorry your visit in Falj, turned out the way it did. But, I was expecting you to talk more to Darya about what was happening. You chose to bottle things up and I cannot read your mind, specially when you’re trying so hard for no one to be able to.”

“Be honest with me, have I taken too much time?” I wondered.

“To do what exactly?”

“To get back on my feet.”

“No,” he stated his answer without hesitation or remorse. “You’re strong, Aelin, very. But, it is difficult for people to see when I am the only one who knows the full story. Those around me can’t tell whether it is just me, an Alpha being overprotective over their mate to the point where I’m hindering my people’s safety by allowing their Luna to not train and ‘heal’, or if you truly needed it.”

“Listen, I have allowed for too many things to happen to you that I shouldn’t. Forrest knows what it’s coming to him later today as so does Alexis and her friends for the shit they pulled, but you need to communicate, Aelin. I can’t be always trying to foresee every event, figure out if somethings right or wrong, because I have other duties. You need to tell me, with time, when someone’s been disrespecting you, mistreating you or something is merely bothering you. You told me when I left Falj that I could trust you.”

We looked into each other’s eyes for the first time in what it felt like forever.

“The problem is you always promise me the wrong things, Aelin. You promise me that everything will be okay and that you will be okay and that I am not to worry- and then, when things stop going okay, you have to bottle everything up because you promised me and you don’t want to break my trust. But, and here we can go back to when we were coming to the North, it’s okay if you have second thoughts about a love bite on your neck or not, the same way that it’s okay if you’re having problems with your training group or you’ve ran into some problems with pack members. What it is important is that you communicate that to me before it is too late and you’ve injured your neck, or a pack member has tried to kill you, or you *fuckin-*,” he contains himself as his wolf threatens to come out.

He clears his throat as he looks away. “Or you decide you want to leave me for Ascian, understood?”

Arsen looks back at me with wetness in his eyes, like all his anger had turned into pain. I looked into his eyes, guilt strikes against my chest as I move my hand to his.

He pulls his hand away from mine. My chest contracts as I feel an inch of what he must’ve felt when I told him my plan.

“Next topic,” he moves on. “Unless, there’s something about what we’ve discussed that you still want to talk about.”

I shook my head.

“My Alpha-voice. It was wrong for me to use it with you and I am sorry for it. If I could go back and undo it, I would, trust me. With that being said, I think you understand why I used it. I am not excusing my behavior but I do want you to understand that it didn’t come out of a place of evil. My wolf has had to suffer through the loss of my brother, a consequence of answering this pack’s wishes and we weren’t going to let that happen again, specially not with my mate,” he explained. It surprised me to hear a piece of such a difficult time in his life, one that I am sure if it wasn’t for this fiasco, he wouldn’t have told me. However, he spoke with such seriousness and precision in every word he said, that I knew it hadn’t just slipped his mouth.

“You’re free to leave, Aelin. If you, from the bottom of your heart, want to leave, you can. But, don’t leave me because of a pack that I rule, because I’ll set it all on fire before you leave, are we understood?” His serious tone and menacing eyes, made it clear to me that he meant every word he said. “Leave me because you don’t want *me*, don’t leave me because you don’t want *my pack*. Because, I know where my loyalties lie.”