Chapter 74

“*Arsen*” I speak out softly as I follow him into the house.

He doesn’t look back at me. He gives pointed looks to Forrest, Darya and Ulises; probably shouting commands at them to find out what had happened and why he wasn’t informed of any of it.

The trio all nodded their heads and started walking away from the house. As soon as Forrest closed the door behind, giving me an apologetic look. Arsen shifted back and went upstairs. I didn’t know what to do. I closed my eyes and tried shifting back yet my heart was racing. I barely could keep my breathing constant as I was panicking only thinking of how this confrontation with Arsen could go.

I heard the door of my room slam closed. Arsen was pissed. I could understand but at the same time, I didn’t have the sympathy that I used to for him anymore. I try to shift once again, quickly before Arsen could come downstairs. Try to make myself look more capable and stronger than I was. What type of imbecile can’t shift back to their human form?

I tried my hardest to shift. I focused on a spot on the floor, making sure that I felt every single bone and muscle on my body, I tried to calm my breathing as much as possible and focused on how it felt to be a human again. I had spent so many years in m human form for something. I closed my eyes, focusing on that feeling but I came out empty handed as my entire body seemed to spasm to collapse on the floor just to be a wolf once again.

I got up and quickly looked up as Arsen, now dressed, walked down the stairs. His eyes laser focused on me. My clothes on his hand. He wore a look of confusion on his face for half a second when he realised I wasn’t shifting back.

“You can’t shift back?” He asked me, mocking me, yet I could hear his desperation on his voice.

He’s just like the rest. I reminded myself.

“*No*” I answered him honest yet strong. Defiant as I stood in front of him.

He braced himself with patience.

He bent over, coming eye to eye with me.

“Close your eyes, relax yourself, slow down your heart and focus on your human form,” he advised me.

I closed my eyes. He genuinely thought I haven’t figured that part out.

He placed his hand in the middle of my back right where my two scapulas met and pressed down softly on it.

“Focus on your human form, picture her in your head as though she’s standing right in front of you and lunge when her image is clear in your head,” he further explained.

I did as he said, and I lunged at my human form, he pressed down hard between my scapulas, before he caught me in his arms keeping myself from collapsing into the floor once again.

He didn’t try to steal a second of me in his arms, no need for my touch as he set me down, handed me the clothes with a pointed look that meant ‘get clothed’ and then turned away and into the kitchen.

I quickly put on the clothes, a t-shirt and some pyjama pants. I noted how he didn’t bring me any of his clothes. He didn’t want his smell on me.

I entered the kitchen. Arsen could be as disappointed with me as he wanted, I couldn’t care not anymore. It came as a surprise to see him like this, but quite frankly it only made things easier. You don’t want me here? Good, I don’t want to be here either.

“Are you hungry?” He offered. It caught me by surprise.

“I-uh-.”

“Do you want to eat something before you explain to me what the fuck just happened or not, Aelin? It’s that easy.” He exploded. I took a step back. Fear catching up with me. I had forgotten how intimidating Arsen was when he wanted to be. Actually, just intimidating he was all the time.

“No.” I let out, looking away.

“Fine.”

Silence fell upon us. The silence seemed to quiet my anger down as I took a glimpse at him and felt my wolf sob. However, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to live in this hell one more day.

“Aren’t you going to talk? Don’t you want to defend yourself?” He barked at me, appalled by my lack of remorse.

“I wanna leave, Arsen,” I finally spoke out. My words came out soft and sadder than I meant for them to sound.

I caught his full attention instantly. His head snapped my way, his eyes sharp as he stared me down. “What do you mean?” He asked cold and collected.

I stops facing the kitchen counter and look at him, I shake my head no. I want to leave. I don’t want to be a part of this pack anymore. I don’t want to be your mate, I think. A sharp pain hits my heart, stinging and burning me from the inside out. A couple of tears roll down my face.

“I haven’t been here,” he points out aggressively demanding answers.

I hate myself for looking so vulnerable against such a force like Arsen, yet I couldn’t stop my tears from rolling down; but, I promise- I promise this decision is final. I don’t care how many tears I cry-

“You have explaining to do,” he continues to push. “What did you do, Aelin?” He questions, however, this time his tone is warmer.

“Nothing,” I answered. “I beat Alexis today training.” At the end of the day, that was all I did, I beat Alexis at her own fucking game.

He observed me, his confusion was adamant. I understood that confusion me of only a month ago would’ve also been confused.

“Aelin, are you seriously trying to tell me that seven wolves were after you, trying to *kill you*, Aelin. Kill you. And it was all because you won a combat versus Alexis?” He asked angrily, losing his patience.

They had almost killed me. Rhetoric, huh? Warriors, who have sworn to defend their Alpha and Luna, killing their own Luna. What would’ve happened if he wasn’t here? Exactly like that. I would’ve ended six feet under and I bet nobody apart from Arsen, subject to the Moon’s mating powers, would have even cared.

I took a deep breath. Falling into that dark, cold pit of loneliness. I looked up to the ceiling, the light of the kitchen hitting my face. I closed my eyes momentarily and took a deep breath. I want out of this hole. I don’t want to be here.

I think I deserve better than this. I know I deserve better than this. I proved I was better than this when I bet that skunk. I am getting myself out this.

“Do you wanna know what happened, Arsen? Your people, Arsen. Your fucking people. They don’t want me. I am not Luna to them and they don’t think I should be more than a she-wolf you fuck once a week for your enjoyment, if they even believe that I’m worthy of your touch. I am nothing to them. They prefer to see me die and rot than to have the title of Luna. I have been the butt of the joke since you’ve left and I thought I was just too weak for these all mighty warriors. But, no. I am not good enough and today after I beat the girl everyone wanted to be Luna. Alexis. A girl you’ve also fucked because they wouldn’t let me fucking forget about that either, they decided to corner me in the forest.”

I paused and took in a deep breath.

“I told them what they have been frothing to hear all this time that I quit. I quit trying to meet up some ridiculous expectations and trying to be someone that I’m not. I quit. I’m not this pack’s Luna. I don’t like this pack or the people. I’m sick and tired of this shit. So, if you’re mad at me, Arsen, go fuck off because I can’t and I refuse to have to deal with another entitled asshole Northerner.”

I get up from the stool I was sitting on walk out of the kitchen. “Done!” I shout angrily at the world as I make my way towards my room.

“Aelin…” He tried to get me to stop, but I ignored him.

“Aelin!” He commanded as he snatched my arm and stopped me from leaving.

“I haven’t been worrying about you day and night for you to pull this shit on me out of the blue.”

“I never asked you to worry about me.”

“You’re my mate, Aelin. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then, should’ve rejected me when you had the chance.”

“Aelin, you don’t mean that.”

“I meant what I said, Arsen. I quit. You can go to Alexis if you want and name her your stupid Luna. Up to what you do with me you decide, either you give me back to Ascian if that’s still a concern or you keep me as your mistress. You do you, but I won’t be Luna to your pack.”

“That’s not how this works. You are Luna to this pack, end of story.”

“Your people don’t want me to be Luna and to be honest, neither do I.”

“But *I* want you to be Luna, Aelin,” he confessed. “Goddess! Are you even hearing yourself? Ever since I’ve met you, I’ve only cared about you, ensuring your protection and getting you strong and comfortable enough to step into your role as Luna. You don’t get to throw all that away just because! Especially, after you’ve beaten Alexis one-on-one and you can finally shift.”

“This whole quitting thing wasn’t my idea. Perhaps you should’ve asked your people before you forced me onto them.”

“I’m their Alpha. If I want to force someone onto them, I fucking will and without a hint of remorse. But, let’s make this clear, you are my mate. The Moon chose you for me, knowing I’d be Alpha. So, the fact that they even had doubts about you is disrespectful to me, to you and to the future of this pack.”

“If it’s so disrespectful, why aren’t you lecturing them? Why are you here with me instead of with them? Why are you mad at me?”

“Because I care for you more than I care for any of them. Aelin, Jacks could’ve killed you if I hadn’t intervened. Do you understand what that means?”

“I do.”

We interchanged looks between each other a silent conversation.

“Say it.” He pushed me.