Chapter 73

I got up from Alexis. I had officially beaten her, human to human. She had cried for me to stop, she had surrendered and I had stopped. I looked briefly at Reggo. I found an expression of his face that confirmed my beliefs. Even as I was here, standing on top of Alexis, who many believed should’ve been Luna and not me, everyone was sad to see her down and no one happy to see me finally be worthy. I was devastated. I hadn’t seen Arsen in weeks and I couldn’t keep on going with this.

I walked away from the arena to the locker room. I didn’t look at anyone in the face as I made it past the crowd that had been formed. I couldn’t help it but feel that as every day passed I was realizing I was less and less part of this pack. Not only did I not belong amongst these people but it seemed as though I was never good enough.

Not good enough for the Northerners to be their Luna, but most importantly, I wasn’t good enough for myself. I had been training day and night, trying to become as strong as possible. Hear people’s comments behind my back about my training, my fighting, my lack of competence. When once they had been a form of fuel that pushed me forward to keep on training, now they tortured me. How come I was putting so much effort into something, yet everyone continues to believe Alexis should’ve been Luna and not me.

It ached me and it sucked the life out of me. I spent most of my days out of the house, specially those hours when I knew Darya would also be there. I didn’t want her to have a good look at me. She would try to resolve the situation when in reality, the problem was me. I had gotten sick of being here, sick of fighting to show I can be something of use yet coming face to face, again and again with the same reaction from people. I’m simply not good enough.

That what pissed me off so much about the situation. It boiled my skin how I had convinced myself that the problem was my lack of fighting skills, when in reality, me- as a being, as a she-wolf, was simply not enough to be mated to the Alpha of the North and that putting all this people at risk because of my past with Ascian.

I went back home directly, I didn’t stay to cool down. I didn’t ask for anyone’s permission, just grabbed my things and left. The sun had just set, only a few beams illuminating the sky. I was passing the forest to get back to the heart of the city. My façade came down and tears began forming in my eyes. My breath became shaky as so did my hands.

Knowing that I still had time before everyone would come back, I decided to lean against a tree and take a couple of minutes for myself. I didn’t have them at home, afraid that Darya would maybe hear me. I cried silently, eventually sitting at the base of that one tree and crying into my hands as I realized in what situation I had gotten myself into and just how much I hated it.

I didn’t want to be here anymore. No one had helped me when I asked for help when training yet everyone seemed to join in when someone made a comment about me. They weren’t interested in helping me, only in tearing me down and making sure that I left for good. I had heard them loud and clear when I finally beat Alexis and no one felt even a glimpse of happiness for me. Their Luna was finally a strong and skilled warrior yet it served them nothing. I was ready to take the jump and go back to Ascian. I didn’t care if I would only be his mistress, too impure to be anything beyond that, but at least it wouldn’t be this. I hated this.

“Is she crying?” I heard someone laugh from a distance.

I stopped breathing as I remained as quiet as one can be. I quickly dried all of my tears and slapped myself in the face a couple of time before getting up to leave. As I got up, quickly a male werewolf got in front of me, both scaring me and stopping me from fleeing.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked me. I turned around to see other werewolves, some males, some females circling me. I couldn’t run.

“Home,” I pronounced with confidence as I tried to walk past him.

He pushed me into the middle of that circle. I managed to catch myself without falling on my butt.

“This isn’t your home,” he told me.

“I agree with you,” I admitted, “now, can I leave?”

A few of them laughed at my words.

“What do you mean you agree?”

“Do you genuinely think that I want to be here? I don’t. You don’t want me as your Luna? Good. I don’t want to be your Luna either. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to be part of this pack. All of you can fuck off and let me fucking live. I am happy to go reject your dear Alpha and leave this shit show, now if you excuse me,” I tried walking away.

A loud growl whipped through the air as a few of the werewolves changed into wolves. All of them ready to attack me as they should their canines to me.

“*You’re gonna regret those words. No one disrespects our pack and less you, you unwanted whore.*”

“Why do you care what I have to say?” I spoke out. “You’ve said it, I’m unwanted. I mean nothing, my opinion means nothing to any of you. You won’t do much by scaring me away, are you? I quit.”

I must’ve had some type of suicide wish since I walked towards the werewolf right in front of me. He was doing all of the talking so might as well. I could sense his disbelief as I placed my hand on the side of his wolf’s face. Looking into the beast’s eyes.

“Are you sad I don’t want to be part of this fucking hell of a pack? You and your people can harass me for months but I cannot talk shit about you all once?” I wonder, a laugh reaping through me. Filled with anger and pain. I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth a couple of times. “You’re all so dumb,” the growling and snarling intensified. I rolled my eyes. “So pathetic and to think that once I wanted to be accepted by all of you. How stupid of me. Now, if you excuse me, I’m gonna go.”

“*No, you aren’t.*”

I shrug.

“*You don’t tell me what to do.*”

I clawed the nose of the werewolf in front of me, knowing that it is a very sensitive part and that it should buy me some time. I began running for my life. Out of nowhere as I felt the other werewolves coming closer and closer to me, I shifted.

My wolf came out as if nothing had ever happened and I began running even faster. I was reaching home, when I suddenly saw them there. Right in the front of the house waiting for me to come back from training and greeting me as if everything had been okay. I stopped in my tracks. Considering what to do, yet Arsen sensed my presence and from a few yards away we linked eyes. There was no fooling him.

However, I saw while a lot of surprise, he was happy. I had shifted. Poor innocent soul. I decided to act normal, as though this was just a cute surprise as well. The rest of the group all turned around to face me. I walked towards them confidently, acting as though nothing had happened. None of the other wolves would get so close to me after smelling Arsen.

“*Aelin,*” Arsen said speechless.

“*Like my wolf?*” I played along, mind-linking to all of them.

However, I was dumb to think that they would notice Arsen’s presence when a bunch of angry wolves came out of the forest looking for me. They all stopped as they saw Arsen. They all looked down, when out of the blue. The big wolf I was talking with before jumped me from the side, probably blinded by adrenaline and anger.

While I may had been able to ran I had never trained as a wolf and I didn’t understand how to either. I was completely defenseless as the wolf got on top of me and was aiming directly snap my jugular into two.

Arsen’s wolf attacked him without mercy, in a quick movement, pushing him off me and standing right on top of him. In that quick second when the wolf understood who Arsen was, he stopped resisting. He exposed his neck and belly showing his surrender.

Arsen got away from him and walked away, not even looking back at me as he made his way towards the house.