The devil has ponytails!
Kirk Palmer was a man of many misfortunes or as they say, he was one unlucky bastard!
It was said that the day he was born his father stepped into a huge mound of dogshit on his way to the hospital, a sign that he would have extremely bad luck!
His parents fearing this, threw him into a trash bag and abandoned him in some alley, leaving him an orphan.
While the story sounded like bullshit to him, that was the only thing the matron at the orphanage had told him.
At first he refused to believe that he was cursed with misfortune.
How could someone even be cursed with it!
However, as he grew up he began to accept that as numerous crazy stuff happened whenever he was around.
There was this one time he fell into a manhole back in high school. Three other people had passed it without issue but when it got to his turn the stupid thing caved in like it had been waiting for him.
There was this other time where he and his gang were being chased by some police dogs.
He suggested everyone split up to escape which was usual practice. The canines would be confused and thus everyone would escape.
Unfortunately, reality was a bastard!
The crazy mutts left every other person in their five man squad and chased him alone until he had to hide in a garbage truck!
Many such incidents had happened over the years eventually making him accept his cursed fate.
However, his life took a full turn six months ago.
He got a decent job, found a beautiful girlfriend and was actually living a life without trouble and worry!
It was the best six months of his life.
Until that demon came over!
Her appearance seemed to have heralded a new era in his unfortunate life.
First he had lost his job after she and her partner broke into the factory and caused a commotion, they even stripped him naked!
As if that wasn't enough when he got back to his apartment that night thinking about how to break the news to his girlfriend he found her in bed with his best friend!
It was like his bad luck had decided it was time to make a comeback, a fierce one at that.
For example, why was it that the moment he decided to just go out and drink his sorrows away, the previously clear skies suddenly unleashed their entire bowels on him.
“Fuck those weather forecasts!”
Kicking an empty can of beer in his anger he watched it crash against a wall with a satisfying crunch. At the same time a bolt of lightning arched through the sky lighting up the alley he was in.
‘Hmmm…”
In the midst of his ranting his eyes suddenly noticed a vague humanoid shadow with what seemed to be horns stretching out towards him thanks to the brief illumination from the lightning.
Instantly his heart started pounding as he slowly backed away while rubbing his eyes.
“The rumours can't be true right?”
Subconsciously swallowing his saliva, he couldn't help but remember the rumours he had heard of some creepy alley demon that abducted humans sometime ago. While there truly were cases of people disappearing it was actually the doings of their Ashthorn gang.
However, now he wasn't so sure.
BOOOOOOM…..CRAAAAK!!!!!!!
“Arrgh!"
At the same time another bolt of lightning flashed through the dark skies accompanied by an ear piercingly loud explosion of thunder.
Missing a step, he fell butt down on the wet road causing a bout of pain to jolt up his spine. Rubbing his butt, he was just about to stand up when he suddenly saw a rapidly enlarging figure coming towards him.
In next to no time the tall figure was already standing before him.
“Finally found you."
The voice sounded eerily familiar but the only thing on his mind was how to escape, unfortunately, the more he tried, the more he slipped thanks to the wet floor.
Looking across his shoulder, he saw a set of pearly white teeth smiling at him.
"Demon, demon, I've repented! Arrrrgh!" Shrieking like a mad man his eyeballs rolled up and the next moment his head promptly rolled to the side.
He had fainted!
The figure looked at the unconscious man on the ground in confusion while wondering;
“I’m not that scary am I?"
"Ugh…my head hurts, which idiot turned the flood lights on?" Trying g his best to block the bright lights stinging his eyes, Kirk slowly woke up.
"I could turn it off if you want it." A calm voice with a mischievous edge replied.
“Yeah, you better—ugh?”
Wait, something's not right.
Seeing that someone had replied, Kirk closed his eyes again wanting to continue relaxing, however less than a second later his eyes flew open.
Memories of his last few seconds conscious came back rushing to him. He was attacked by the alley demon!
Without thinking, his hand reached for the fruit knife he usually kept in his trouser for emergencies, before he could reach it though he heard the sound of arcing electricity. The next moment he was down on the floor twitching like a salted fish.
Finally he knew why the demon's voice sounded familiar.
“The damn tasers!"
It was that woman from few nights ago!
Gritting his teeth till they nearly turned to dust, he glared at her resentfully as he finally saw her face once agin.
Yes, she was the one!
“Hey, what's with the look, missed me?” Smiling in a not so friendly manner she kicked the fruit knife away from his hand.
Hearing her cocky tone made him want to jump at her, unfortunately, the effects of the taser was still causing his muscles to twitch once in a while.
Thankfully she didn't remove his clothes this time.
"So how has life been?" Hearing the question he almost vomited blood while cursing nineteen generations of her ancestors.
You destroyed it!
Angelina couldn't be bothered to wait for his reply, instead she went straight to why she was here.
“Just like last time I'm going to ask you some questions and you're going to answer, alright?"
Domineering as usual, he liked that. Oops that doesn't sound right…
“Alright!"
What could he do but agree.
“First question, are you a member of the Ashthorn gang?"
Hearing the question, Kirk wondered if she was a cop but he didn't ask.
“Yeah, though technically I'm not one of them anymore. They kicked me out after you got me sacked!"
Angelina was visibly surprised, but she continued on regardless, that was even better for her plan.
“I'm sure you've heard of the Daxter incident, precisely at the underground facility from that night right?”
“Nope, that's a thing?" Shaking his head he wo.dwred what she was talking about, didn't she come here to torment him?
“Well, Grant McRae, CEO of Daxter Incorporated has been arrested after a hallucinogenic drug lab was discovered in one of his equipment production facilities."
“Uh..?"
At first Kirk die t understand what she meant, when she showed him her phone though his eyes went wide.
“This is impossible, the place was spotless that night?” The whole thing was obviously a setup!
“Yeah, I know, someone is trying to frame him and they've done a good job at the first step towards that.”
“Ugh…okay so can I go now?”
It wasn't like he could do anything despite knowing the true state of the matter anyway.
“No you can't, at least not yet, you can actually help and I'll help you get your job back how is it?
Hearing this Kirk was excited, however, he quickly cautioned himself. How was she going to do that, it was better he lowered his expectations.
Her smile was giving him the chills and he soon found out that he was once again correct.
"You'll take me to your headquarters, personally.“
I knew it!
Emphasis on the personally!
Unfortunately, he had no choice but to comply despite his reluctance.
At the same time he began to wonder.
Who said the devil had horns?
That person had to be beaten!
The bastard had freaking ponytails!