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CASSANDRA'S POV

This week has been the worst.

The absolute worst.

My life did a complete 360. I went from happy and excited to emotionally drained and exhausted. It was like the universe knew I was happy and had to make sure that every single time I finally felt like I had my head held up high and footing in place, it was time to knock me down again.

Nothing prepares one for losing a parent. I experienced that with my mom. Even though we knew she was dying, it still destroyed all of us in a way, and nothing, no matter how much of a warning, could have prepared us for the grief and loss we experienced.

It was like that all over again, but this time, a million times worse. Investigations, media, and legal issues added additional stress, and left no time to experience grief. Instead, it was meeting after meeting, trying to keep our heads up and words carefully chosen to preserve the company name.

I sink down on the couch in the middle of the hotel suite, yanking my heels off and tossing them back onto the floor as I pull my legs up onto the cushioned seat. I'm still in the black dress I had worn for the funeral, but too exhausted to take it off and shower as I probably should. It was very flowy to fit loosely around my tummy, hiding my little bump. It didn't feel right to make that kind of statement for the first time at my father's funeral.

I hadn't cried yet. It was weird. I usually had no issues crying, but the entire time, I just couldn't bring myself to cry. I couldn't even recall the last thing that I had said to my father, let alone when the last time we had a conversation was. I couldn't bring myself to cry about that either.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Asa calls out from the built in kitchen, and I can hear the click of his dress shoes against the wooden flooring as he steps back into the living space. It was our first time back here and completely alone since before we stepped foot into the hospital that day.

He was so good to me this past week. Making sure that I was eating, pulling me away from people that kept giving me their condolences, and getting rid of his work to take on my own and some of Zac's.

Between Zac and I, there was so much to get done. We had to plan a funeral, make calls, and ensure that Rhodes Enterprises didn't fall apart. Since Zac handled a lot of the business side of things, that left all the nasty stuff to me — planning, catering, florists, the press, media, calling family members that we didn't talk to, answering the same stupid questions that people asked, etc. Asa was there for it all, trying his best to take on and do whatever he could so I wouldn't have to while helping Zac keep the company afloat.

"I'm fine," I sigh as I lean back, closing my eyes as I look up at the ceiling. This was the first time that I was sitting with some peace and quiet. When we had gotten to the hospital that afternoon, everything was a blur. They said it was a car accident and the chances of survival were already low upon arrival. In order words, it was too late to really do anything, and time would only tell.

It was fast. Within the hour, we had to start making calls, and we divided everything up. Since that moment, I hadn't had much time to be alone, and now that I did, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to keep myself busy, but Asa wasn't going to let me go back to working without proper sleep, a full stomach, and a few days of nothing else, none of which I wanted to do.

"You didn't eat this morning either. I know..." he trails off, and I don't bother to look at him because I know he's trying to choose his words correctly. "I know that you might not feel like eating, but maybe a little something? Whatever you want. We can have it delivered."

His offer on any other day would make me so happy, but I didn't want to eat right now. I wanted to sit here and do nothing, and he knew that too. I could feel his presence as he approached the couch, likely hovering over me with his hands in his pockets.

His habits were engraved in my mind, and after this week, I knew that he wouldn't stop lingering close and checking in every moment that he thought something was wrong. It was very Asa-like, but I wasn't feeling it. I wanted to be left alone.

"Cas, you're eating for two," his words make my eyes fly open, narrowing them at him as I cross my arms across my chest. I liked that he cared about me and the baby, and on any other day, I would have been giddy about his concern.

"Asa, I know that. Can you quit the hovering? I feel suffocated," I snap, but immediately my arms fall into my lap and my fingers intertwine. I can't be mean to him when he's looking at me with hurt and concern, and nothing more. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."

Asa gives me a gentle smile, sinking down onto the couch beside me. His arm sinks around my shoulders, and I naturally lean against him.

"I know. I also know that you haven't ate since dinner last night, and even that wasn't much. I know that you're hurting and that you need time, but you need to eat something. Okay? At least for the peace of my own mind. Even if it's only a few bites for now," he gently pulls me closer, so I'm curled right into his side.

I sigh, nodding as I give into him. He won't let me go without eating, and I know I should even if I don't want to. The last thing I want to deal with is passing out due to a lack of blood sugar or something.

"Alright. Can we have dessert? I want something sweet and chocolatey."

Asa obliges, and quickly places a doordash order of some crepes and ice cream. He doesn't budge from next to me, trying to comfort me to the best of his ability. It's hard to relax when we have been living out of this hotel room all week, trying to stay closer to the company headquarters and where the funeral was held today, rather than run up and down manhattan multiple times during the day.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about any of this? I feel like you've barely said anything about how you're feeling in the last few days," Asa kicked off his shoes, grabbing a blanket we brought from our place from the edge of the couch and tugging it over us. I shivered a bit, not realizing that I was cold until after the warmth of the blanket soothed me.

"I'm sure. I don't even know how I feel, let alone what I would say," I tell him honestly, before grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers. "I'm just so tired, Asa. All these people that I don't even know have been in my space all week. I just want things to go back to normal."

Asa places a soft kiss to the top of my head, bringing his other arm around and placing his hand on the little bump of my belly. I took a shaky breath, trying to relax the best that I could, but thinking about the baby was stressing me out on top of all this.

How would we tell people now? How is this supposed to work? It's so hard to feel happy when you should be feeling sad. Is that even acceptable? To be happy when your dad just died?

I close my eyes, thinking back to all the good things. The good memories with him. We may have had an estranged and complicated relationship since my mother died, but before that? We were so close. He was the man who braided my hair when my mom couldn't, and the person who helped me paint my toes when she was out of town.

Before she got sick, he always made sure to make time for his family. He was at every game, sporting event, birthday, and family vacation. But everything had changed when my mom got sick, and now I won't even be able to ask him why.

Was he so upset about losing her that he could no longer be there for his children? Why was he adamant on raising me to take over the company, and suddenly pushing me out when I was finally old enough to do so?

I would never have answers to questions that I knew had bothered me for a long time, and would likely continue to.

"Asa?" I find myself sitting up, still pressed against him, but adjusting so that I was facing him. "I don't want to wait. We should just do it. I don't see the point in waiting."

The words flow out of me naturally, mostly because it's been on my mind for a while. At first, it was just a thought, but after all of what has happened this week, I know for a fact that we shouldn't be waiting any longer than needed.

"Wait for what?" Asa asks, his eyebrows tugging together as confusion fills his mind. "I didn't realize we were waiting for anything...wait, are you talking about getting married?"

I nod quickly, my eyes meeting his. Asa is giving me a small smile, likely due to him wanting to marry me, but I can tell that he's hesitating on what to say.

"I don't see why we should wait. I don't want a big wedding or anything like that anyways. Plus, we're just going to get busier when this baby comes, and if something happens...if anything ever happens to one of us, I want the other to be the first one to know," I add in quickly, grabbing both his hands this time and giving them a squeeze.

"Baby, I get that you're scared..." Asa sighs ever so slightly, leaning in and kissing the top of my head again, pulling me into his lap this time. "But really? Are you sure? I want you to have whatever you want. It doesn't have to be a big wedding, but I don't think that you should just throw the idea of one out the window because of your dad's death. You still have a family that loves you. Zac. My mom. Lauren. Your friends."

I get that. I know what he's saying. He doesn't want me to regret not having a wedding with pictures and speeches and dances, and all that happy and fun crap, and as much as I want to want that, I don't. Not right now. All I want is to know that I'm safe and that my bases are covered, and getting married to Asa makes sure of that.

It's stupid. I know. But I also know how many people can't reach their loved ones because they are legally family, especially when something happens medically or in the case of an emergency, and I refuse to be one of those people. Not when there's more on the line, like a baby on the way.

"Please? Can we at least consider it? I know we said that a wedding after the baby comes would make a lot more sense, but I don't mind being pregnant at our wedding."

"As I said, whatever you want, Cassandra," Asa smiles gently, brushing my hair out of my face as he holds me close to him. "I mean that. I want what you want, and I'll marry you whenever you want, baby."

- -a/n: before anyone comes at me, recall that Cassandra deals with her emotions in a very different way. she doesn't talk about things much, so just keep that in mind.

I threw some hints in this one. does anyone have any ideas? we are soo close to the end. next one is gonna have y'all S H O C K E D and ON EDGE. I SWEAR.