Chapter 9 There Is Nothing To Feel Guilty About
April
I am nervous as I get ready to go for breakfast. I shouldn’t be this nervous. It is only breakfast, nothing more. Falling asleep at his place last night has made me feel uneasy, even though we never did anything bad. The guilt is still there. I only fell asleep on the sofa. It isn’t like I was in his bed.
“Did you enjoy your sleepover?” Corbin’s laugh echoes through my bedroom before he appears.
“I didn’t mean to stay the night.” I sigh, shaking my head.
Corbin places his hand on mine, and I close my eyes, draw in a breath and enjoy the touch. “April, it is okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. Edin was okay with it, too.”
I look at him, confused. “You saw her again?”
“Yes, but again only for a few seconds. When Corran was trying to decide what to do, wake you or cover you up and let you sleep, she made the blanket fall on the floor to make his choice for him. Then she disappeared.”
“You were there too?”
“I was. I was there most of the night while you both slept.”
“I still can’t believe I fell asleep,” I whisper.
“April, it is okay. You are allowed to spend time with other men. I told you, I don’t want you to be alone forever. Corran will be good for you. I don’t mean you need to start dating him, but he is the type of friend you need. You can help each other. If it turns into more than that is okay too.” He says softly, caressing the top of my hand.
“I don’t plan on dating him,” I state firmly.
“Who said anything about dating? You have needs, ones that I can’t take care of.” A smirk curls on his lips when he says.
I roll my eyes, hitting his arm. “I am not having sex with him either. You are the only man I have been with my entire life, and I want it to stay that way. Every part of me belongs to you, Corbin, even if we can’t share those things anymore.”
I like the idea of him being the only man who has ever touched me. We shared all our firsts. I wouldn’t change that for the world. I can take care of my own needs, but it isn’t an urge I tend to get often.
“It is just a suggestion.”
I shake my head and make a move to get ready. I change into jeans, boots, and a hoodie, one which was Corbin’s. I don’t want to seem like I am making too much of an effort. I tie my hair up and put a little lip gloss on.
“Cute.” Corbin compliments.
“Thanks, but I don’t seem like I am making an effort. Does it seem like it? I don’t want Corran to get the wrong idea.”
“You look cute and casual. Stop worrying so much.”
“You know me better than that. I worry about everything.” I laugh.
He nods; there's no point in disagreeing about something that is true. Not long after I get ready, there is a knock at my front door.
“Enjoy your breakfast, beautiful.”
“I will. Will you be around?”
Corbin shakes his head. “No, I will stay here and wait for you to return.”
It is probably for the best. If he appears, I will become distracted by him. He disappears out of sight, and I go to answer the door. Corran smiles when I come into view. I return the smile and grab my coat. It is cold outside.
“Where are we going?”
“I have a place. It is a cute little café, but also a bookstore if you enjoy reading.”
“I love reading.” I beam.
“Then it will be the perfect place for you if you are looking for somewhere quiet and cosy.”
It sounds perfect. I love quiet. “It sounds perfect.”
We head out, and I follow Corran’s lead since I have no idea where I am going. “How are you feeling? Are you still freaking out about last night?”
I sigh. “A little, yes. I still feel guilty, and I know I shouldn’t.”
“I understand it, but no, you have no reason to feel guilty, April. Nothing happened.”
“I know. It was all just a little strange, you know?”
Corran nods. “Yes, I get it.”
I believe I am not the only one who feels this way. “It will pass.”
“It will. There is nothing wrong with us being friends, April. I promise, I am not looking for anything else. It isn’t all part of some plan to get you into bed.”
“I didn’t think that anyway. I am not looking for anyone or anything either.”
“Then nothing to worry about. We are on the same page.”
I trust in what he is saying. Corran has no reason to lie to me. He is still struggling with his loss in the same way I am. The last thing on his mind is bedding me. Even if he tried, it wouldn’t happen. I would slap him first. It is hard for me to trust people, but for now, he hasn’t given me any reasons not to, even if our first couple of meetings were not great.
“It really is beautiful here.” I gush, looking around.
“Wait until you see it all lit up for Christmas, which will be soon. The entire city will be lit up. We have a Christmas market too. It is gorgeous at that time of year.”
“I can’t wait to see it. I will need to go to the market.”
Christmas isn’t for a couple of months yet. I used to love it. Corbin and I used to love it, but it isn’t the same now. Maybe this year will be the first year I will feel like celebrating.
“If you need someone to go with you, let me know. I haven’t been in a couple of years. Edin used to love it. It was our favourite time of year. Maybe this year can be different.” He smiles as he has just read my mind.
“I was thinking the same thing. We can try it together.” I smile.
“Yes, we can.” He replies in agreement.
I don’t know if I will manage, but I can try. We can both try together.