Chapter 31 There Are Too Many Questions and Not Enough Answers
Corran
I don’t know what the hell I am doing. I got the urge to come to her door and kiss her. It is an urge that has been present for most of the night. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t help myself. April seems hesitant, but after a second, her arms come around my neck, and she kisses back. Her soft, warm lips feel so damn good. I hold her tight to me and deepen the kiss between us. It is doing something to me, and I don’t just mean make my length twitch. My stomach is doing flips, and my heart is pounding in my chest. I am struggling to breathe. I part, it is the last thing I want to do, but I need to try to catch my breath.
I open my eyes, and April does the same, our eyes meeting. Her breathing is as heavy as mine. April stares at me. Her lips part, but she closes them a second later, lost for words. Suddenly, regret surges through me, and reality hits me.
I shake my head. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I rush off yet again before she has a chance to say anything. After what I did, she probably won’t want to see me again. I go into my place and close the door, resting against it. What the hell was I thinking? I clearly was thinking with my dick rather than my brain.
I curse myself out. “Idiot!”
I shake my head, pulling myself off the door and head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of scotch, drinking it straight from the bottle and toss myself down on the sofa. I stare at the four walls, drinking and get lost in my head. I should move. I don’t think I can face April ever again. If I were to move, then it would lessen the temptation.
The sound of a knock at my door makes me freeze. It can only be one person. April has probably come here to yell and tell me to stay away from her. I ignore the knocking. It is better that I don’t. April will give up soon. She knocks again, only louder this time and then does it again. I still don’t answer. No other knock comes, so I focus back on my bottle.
“Really, you are just going to ignore me?” The sound of April’s voice makes me jump. I guess I didn’t lock the front door.
I glance up, and she appears before me. April crosses her arms over her chest, and her brows are furrowed.
“Do you make a habit of walking into other people's houses?”
“No, but you ignored me knocking when I knew you were clearly in, which I find pretty rude,” she whines.
I stop from laughing at her dramatic behaviour. Right now isn’t a time to be laughing.
“Why are you here?”
I regret the stupid question the second it escapes from my lips.
April tosses her hands in the air. “You can’t just kiss a girl like that and then walk off. What is wrong with you?”
April begins to pace my living room, muttering to herself. I leave her to it. I can’t make out what she is saying. She does it for a few minutes before she stops in front of me, glaring at me. “You aren’t going to say anything?”
“Even if I did, you probably wouldn’t have heard. I am sorry I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that.” I sigh.
April rolls her eyes. “Really, that is what you have to say?”
“What else do you expect me to say?”
“The truth. You are saying sorry now, but why did you do it? You can’t just kiss me like that and disappear on me.”
She did it to me. April kissed me first and ran off to hide in the bathroom. How is this any different? But it is probably best that I don’t say that.
“Probably for the same reason you did it to me the first time.”
April sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. “No, that was completely different. When I kissed you, we were caught up in the moment. You came to my place, knocked on my door and then kissed me.”
I don’t even know how to answer it. I could give a worded explanation, but I won’t. I will keep it simple. Answer in a way that gets straight to the point. “Because I wanted to.”
April is taken aback by my answer. I am sure she wasn’t expecting me to be so honest. April stares at me, trying to find her words. Sighing, I jump to my feet and stroll towards her, stopping a few inches before her.
“Why?”
My simple answer wasn’t enough. “Because I wanted to. I wanted to all night. I know I probably shouldn’t have. I tried to fight the urge until I couldn’t fight it any longer. The urge overtook, and I found myself at your door. It is all very confusing for me, and I am sure for you too.”
April sits on the sofa and rests back, massaging her temples. This doesn’t look good. I am not surprised. It isn’t like I expected her to act fine about it all. I hesitantly take the spot next to her.
“April, are you okay?”
She turns to me. “I don’t know. What does this all mean, Corran? Are we fighting against something that we shouldn’t be?”
“I am beginning to wonder the same thing, but none of us is ready for anything.”
We could give in and see where it goes, but I am not sure that is such a good idea.
“No, we aren’t ready, so what do we do? There is clearly something between us. I just don’t know if it is romantic or sexual.”
“I wish I could answer that for you.”
I rest back on the sofa too. Where do we go from here? Is it worth pursuing and seeing where it goes, or would doing so be a big mistake? There are too many questions and not enough answers.