Chapter 24 A Step In The Right Direction
April
I pull on some clothes after my shower, more than I had on when Corran knocked on my door. I don’t want to distract him. I know he was checking my ass out when I was doing my yoga, which is why he disappeared to the kitchen to hide.
“Rawr!” Corbin laughs.
I glance over to see him lying on the bed with his hands behind his head and his charming smile on his lips.
“Hello, my love.” I smile and crawl onto the bed to kneel before him.
Corbin doesn’t seem to be around as much as he used to be. I don’t like it.
“Putting more clothes on to lessen the temptation?” he chuckles.
I roll my eyes. “You saw that?”
Corbin sits so we are face-to-face. “Yes, I did. I can’t blame him for checking your ass out. It is a nice ass. You enjoyed the attention too, even if you won’t admit it.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I protest.
Corbin laughs and kisses me. “Yes, you do. You should go back through.”
“Will you be here tonight? I miss you sleeping next to me.”
“It depends if you have your other sleeping buddy next to you. It would be kind of awkward if I were in bed with you and Corran, don’t you think?” he teases.
I slap his arm playfully. “Just a little. Tonight, I am all yours. I promise.”
He nods and kisses me softly before he vanishes. No sleepover with Corran tonight. I want Corbin next to me. I have slept next to Corran more in the last week than I have Corbin. I leave my bedroom before Corran comes looking for me.
I find him still in my kitchen, heating the soup. He must have heard me coming through to start. “I can get that.”
He glances over his shoulder at me. I couldn’t decide if the look on his face was relief or disappointment that I had more clothes on. “No, it is fine. I can get it.” He finally replies, shakes his head and turns away to get back to it.
I fight back a laugh at how he is acting. It isn’t like he did anything wrong. I get it, though. I make us some coffee while he deals with soup, taking a seat at the table to wait for him to join me. He does, a few minutes later, setting one of the bowls down in front of me.
“Thank you. You can take some home with you to freeze. There is still plenty.” I smile.
He nods, focusing on his soup. He seems on edge a little. I sigh because I don’t want him to feel that way around me. I play with my food. A moment later, I feel Corran’s eyes on me. Hesitantly, I lift my head and find him staring, with his brows furrowed.
“What is wrong?” he asks.
“You seem off, Corran. What is going on? I don’t want things to get weird between us.”
“I am fine. There has been a lot going on over the last couple of days.”
“Like what? Do you want to talk about the reason why you ended up in such a state last night?”
Corran closes his eyes and massages his temples, becoming annoyed. “Drop it, okay?” he snaps.
The tone of his voice takes me aback. Why the hell is he snapping at? I only asked if he wanted to talk.
“Don’t talk to me like that, Corran. I understand you clearly have a lot going on, but that doesn’t mean you can talk to me in such a way, especially in my own place.” I snap back.
Yes, he acted like this towards me when we first met. I treated him the same way, but that only took a couple of days for things to change between us. Now, here he is acting like that again.
Corran glances over at me, but doesn’t say a word. I shake my hand and stand. “Maybe you should leave.”
I stand and walk away, heading to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I wait for him to leave. I sigh and sit at the bottom of the bed. I take my hair out of the braid and run my fingers through it. He has no reason to be mad at me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted to make sure he was okay, nothing more.
I listen for him to leave, but instead of my front door opening, footsteps are coming in the direction of my bedroom. If Corran comes in here and starts, I will not be happy. He will be told to leave, and I am done with him. I have dealt with enough drama and toxicity in life; I am not going through anymore. I still suffer from the trauma of my childhood. I hate confrontation. Corbin and I had arguments, of course, we did, but we always made up quickly because of what we went through growing up.
The bedroom door slowly opens, and Corran steps in. He waits by the door and rubs the back of his neck, not able to make eye contact. “I am sorry, April. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No, I didn’t.”
I appreciate him apologising, but it doesn’t mean I am going to forgive him just because he did.
“I know. I truly am sorry. There has been a lot going on recently. It is all a little too much. I am not very good at talking about my feelings. I closed myself off in every way, including emotinally after Edin died. I struggle to open up to anyone.”
“I understand that, I really do, Corran. I am the same, but my wanting to make sure you were okay or ask you to talk doesn’t make me the bad guy.”
He shakes his head. “You aren’t. My reaction had nothing to do with you. It was all me.”
Corran strolls over and sits at the bottom of the bed next to me. I sigh and turn to him. “Corran, it isn’t good to keep everything bottled up. Trust me, I know. You obviously don’t want to talk, and I won’t push, but you need to talk to someone not only to deal with what is going on now, but also for your drinking and grief. It may sound overwhelming, but it helps. I can promise you that.”
I eventually got help back home, but not until over two years after I lost Corbin. It helps that Corbin is still around, but the reality of it all is that no one can deal with anything alone. It becomes too much. If Corran isn’t willing to talk to me, he should talk to someone.
“I am not ready to talk to someone professionally.”
I rest my hand on his knee and squeeze it gently. “And that is okay, but you should set it as a goal for somewhere down the line before it swallows you up more than it already has.”
“Does your offer to talk still stand?” he asks nervously.
I nod. “Yes. It will always stand.”
“Can we talk then?”
“Of course.”
Talking to me won’t make things much better, but it will help release the stress he has seemed to be under since yesterday. It is a step in the right direction.