Chapter 14 – Now You Know I

Lidia

I am extremely guilty of being a stage mother, but I just could not help myself. That’s just the kind of anxious and overprotective mother that I am.

I found myself staring at my phone for what felt like the thousandth time that morning. I was still debating whether or not I should give my daughter a little call to see how she was doing, despite the fact that Clara is well past the age of being a teenager and is as responsible as any other adult who is over the age of thirty. She never lacked for common sense and always had a level head—the total opposite of me, if I may say. She might take things a little too seriously at times, and she received her offbeat sense of humor from her dad, but generally, she grew up to be such a responsible and self-aware grown-up that I sometimes think she might be an old soul born in the contemporary era only to get a taste of how things are after the gloomy middle ages.

Nevertheless, despite the fact that Clara is my only child and a daughter at that, I will never be able to stop worrying about her, despite what age she is. She also lives so far away in such a chaotic and overcrowded city as New York that it is impossible for me to be there for her immediately and instantly in the event that she requires my assistance, which of course adds to my discomfort.

I felt a sense of relief when she made the decision not to chase after Dana or pursue her college education on the other side of the continent or on the west coast, where Dana had gone to school. Because Clara possesses such an inquisitive and bright mind, I frequently find myself wondering where she got her passion for reading and hunger for learning from. Her natural curiosity in all sorts of things truly amazes me; I can hardly keep up with the questions she throws at grown adults when she was just a child. I definitely know it’s not something she inherited from the genes of either Joe or me.

If she so desires, Clara is more than capable of passing the admissions test required by any Ivy League institution. With her track record in high school, where she got straight A+s and has been attending AP classes since she was a sophomore, I’m pretty confident she can get into any of these fancy schools if she wants. In fact, I was so proud of her when I saw the postmarks of where the letter of admissions came from and was able to read the acceptance letters she received from all of the universities she applied to before she left for college. In the later part of that week, I also discovered, rather by chance, that she had declined all of the offers that she had received from the universities to which she had applied, and they were all in her trash bin when I looked for them that summer before she left for college.

I asked her about it because I thought that perhaps she was concerned that we would not be able to afford her to attend these posh schools. We did have a little bit of money that Joe and I saved away for her college tuition fees and other expenses. It wasn't that much, but it will get her through the first two years or so of college to wherever she wants to go and maybe even cover the full ride if it isn't that costly.

Clara, being the sensible and responsible daughter that she is, declined and simply stated that she had already gotten into the institution that she wanted, which is a few hours' drive from home, and that she doesn't mind not going to a nice university to finish school because she doesn't want to spend a lot of money on her education. My daughter is so compassionate and thoughtful to think about us before herself, more than her desire to study somewhere posh and expensive. The thought almost caused my heart to break when I realized how much she cares about us. She is just too kind and extremely mature for her age. I used to tease her that she thinks like a grandma.

"Besides," with a grin on her face, Clara said, "I don't want to miss the weekends when you make my favorite white chocolate chip cookies or your shepherd's pie, which is, by the way, the best in the state." She laughed. "If I go hungry, you already know that I can't drive from Los Angeles to New York and back in a single day if I end up missing them." She giggled like a little kid and added, "If it were up to me, Mom, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

That was the only thing that she said before leaving for college the following weekend. She kept her promise and went home every weekend, just as she had said she would. Studying while working has been hectic for her since her sophomore year, and until she graduated, she came back roughly once a month, just as she had said she would. Even when she started working at a posh publishing house in New York City and later on when she met her ex-fiancé, Jake, she still made time to visit, though they were getting few and far between.

"Pick up the phone already and call her," Joe urged from behind me, his penetrating blue eyes always having and, I think, always giving the impression that he is seeing the depths of my soul. "Call her," Joe added. "Pick up the phone already. You should realize that your phone will not automatically dial your daughter's number on its own."

I let out a long sigh as I replied, "I know. I’ve been worried, you know." I started pacing the kitchen floor once more and added, "I just want to know our baby girl is okay, that's all." This is something I've been doing ever since we received her call and she told us she was calling off her wedding for good.

"Baby, please come over here." When Joe welcomed me with wide arms, it was clear to me that he had a deep understanding of who I am on the inside. "I know you're freaking out about our daughter, but rest assured that everything is going to be okay. She’s a big girl, and you know how much of a fighter she is, though oftentimes people don’t see her that way. We both know what a warrior she is inside." While he spoke to me, he wrapped his arms around me tightly and said, "You and I both know we raised her well. I also do know that no matter what I tell you, you are still going to worry if you don't hear her voice, so stop fretting about it and just call her right now and ask how she is doing," I said.

Even after all these years that we've been together, it never ceases to amaze me how easily Joe is able to put me at ease. My body always seems to relax whenever he is around, whether he is just beside me or lightly touching me, and even his gaze from across the room comforts me and brings me a calmness that no one else can.

I turned my head to look at him and told him, "You do know I love you, right?"

He gave her a reassuring smile, kissed my forehead, and said, "I love you too, babe."

We both grinned and subsequently laughed at how cheesy we are today, and if Clara sees us this way, I'm very sure she is now either playfully throwing up or fleeing away from us because we are so publicly displaying our affection towards one another.