Chapter 9 --- Heartbreak, all shades of pain

Ladi’s POV

I still couldn’t get myself to believe all that happened yesterday was real. Somehow I made myself believe the little voice in my head that said it was all a hoax and part of Michael’s plan to surprisingly ask me out. So I was determined to still go over to the venue where he asked that we meet. It was the chill spot by our department. He knew that was my favorite place in school.

I let out a deep sigh as I stared at myself in the mirror looking at the dress I had just put on, it was a beautiful short peach dress. I noticed how my eyes were a little swollen as a result of how I soaked my pillow with tears yesterday. I had called Michael all through the night and sent him several messages but they all got aired. Even if all these were enough signs that it was happening for real I still had the benefit of doubt. I was hoping for the best and expecting the worst. We didn’t agree on a time yet, but we had planned it for the evening when the mall had closed and people weren’t there. There were chairs and tables arranged outside. I decided to go once it was 6pm.

I reached the venue to see it was empty as expected, but littered, which obviously already made it clear that Michael wasn’t here and he wasn’t coming, he hated dirt in all forms there’s no way he would want to ask me out here or like this. I decided to sit back and wait still. I know you think I’m being foolish but you know that thing about the stages of grief, yeah, Denial was first and that’s where I was at.

“Hey, are you okay?” I heard a lady ask anxiously, I looked up now letting the tears that rolled down my face drop on my phone. It was Jasmine, she was quite popular in school for doing things with her boyfriend in hidden places and they were caught once by a security man who was tipped off in exchange for his silence. And just as expected she was with her boyfriend who was standing about 6 ft away and waiting for her to come back to him.

“Yes, I am. Thanks” I snuffled and dabbed my face with the little Mickey handkerchief that was with me.

“Okay. Stay safe” she said as she walked back to her boyfriend.

I have sent about 100 messages to Michael, and I didn’t get a reply to any. I just couldn’t understand why he has refused to see me, this issue isn’t even that big, and if he really loved me like he claimed to, he would at least hear me out. It was 8. 30pm already I decided to leave for my hostel.

The department was quite far from my hostel, I stopped when I was around the cafeteria to catch my breath. Which was one of the biggest mistakes I made that night, I wish I had just continued walking with my ears plugged. I had stopped to catch my breath but was taken aback when I saw Michael with Betty, he had his arms around her neck and they were laughing out loud. If you’ve ever been heartbroken you probably know what this feels like. I was broken but at the same time I was mad, so mad, I didn’t even think, I just walked straight up to them.

“What in the world is wrong with you Michael” I screamed at the top of my voice. He paused, taking his arms off Betty’s neck, she had this bland look on her face, the I don’t care look.

“Ladi, not here please” he replied as the held my hand trying to take me to a corner

“Wait. What. Not here! Like seriously Michael, you can flirt with her here but I can’t express my feelings here? Oh I get, you wouldn’t want her to find out you ever said you loved me or we ever had a thing, you’re such a jerk, you’re despicable.” I paused, trying to breathe through the tears “I’ve called you severally and sent you messages apologizing and asking us to talk but you ignored and all you could do was come out to flirt with her. You know what you deserve each other, and I’m glad things turned out this way because you obviously never loved me”

“Suit yourself Ladi” he replied and walked back to Betty.

“You’re unbelievable. Did you ever even love me?” I said, following him, I could see Betty whisper something into his ears

“Love is a strong word you know and like you said if I did, this wouldn’t be happening and I would be right by your side and not Betty’s”

I don’t know if there’s anything worse than heartbreak, I would say this feeling I had in my chest right now but that’s what heartbreak is, it is all shades of pain, its dark.

I got to my hostel feeling nauseous, and crying my eyes out on my bed. I didn’t give my roommates the chance to see how my eyes were red because I wasn’t in the mood to explain what had happened. I just wanted to cry and drown myself in this pain.

If what we had was love it wouldn’t hurt this much.