Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve
I come in through the front door. The hallway is poorly lit so I switch the side lamp on, allowing my eyes to adjust to the low lighting.

I couldn't see Mason anywhere in the house. This made me question his text earlier. Why wasn't he here? Where was he? I walk upstairs and peak into his bedroom which was messy as shit. No Mason. Weird. Where the hell was he? I walk back down the stairs and out into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. I wasn't going to get hooked up over him. It wasn't my probably he was so stuck up over me for some odd reason.
As I'm making the tea, stuck deep in my own thoughts, I feel a hand clasp my shoulder. I jump and turn around. My eyes are met with Mason's. Fuck sake. Why does he have to keep sneaking up on me like this.

"Hello." He smiles softly, his eyes tired.
"Hi." I say, confused. I think he could see the confusion in my face as his head titled to the right as if to examine my expression. "I'm sorry" he says.

"For what?"

He breathes softly. "I keep pushing you into things don't I? I'm confusing you. I'm sorry. My behaviour is wrong."

I shrug and turn back round to finish making the cup of tea. "Doesn't matter." It did matter really, I just found it easy to shift it away. Pretend nothing is going on. It just seemed like the easier thing to do.
"I just..." he began but never finished.

"You just?" I promoted him to finish his sentence. I stir the tea round and round, deep in thought. Half of me listening to him. Half of me on a completely different planet.
"I just really like you, Alana. I like you in a way that is totally wrong. I know. But....it's how I feel. I can't help how I'm feeling."

"I can't say I can see you as a brother when you behave so sexually towards me, Mason." I said. Suddenly in an instance I completely regretted saying that. Having this kind of conversation with your older brother is just so fucking awkward. What kind of siblings talk like this. Why would they be sexually attracted to each other? I mean....I can't deny it....I felt quite sexually attracted to Mason. I couldn't understand why or how or when that actually occurred. The understanding of the situation and our emotional feelings just wasn't making any sense and I doubt it ever would of.

I turned with my cup of tea in my hands to find Mason wincing as if in pain from what I had said."Don't say that Alana."
"Well, it's true Mason. This is weird ok. And it can't continue." I state firmly and walk away like a stubborn little 10 year old. I always did look immature compared to Mason. It was annoying because I could never be taken seriously and this time I really meant it. I wanted him to take me seriously. This was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. It wasn't normal!

"Are you seriously telling me that you don't feel the same, Alana?" He pressed. I could feel him following me from behind, his presence growing on me. A constant reminder of his existence, making me grit my teeth in anger. It was like a love and hate emotion with my brother. I couldn't seem to win no matter what I felt for him and how I reacted.

"Mason..." I sigh. "It just can't go on. As much fun as what it may have seemed to you... at the end of the day, it's wrong. You can not seriously think that we can get away with continuing with what we have already been doing." I look over at him as I finish my sentence. All he can seem to do is shrug in response, which slightly irritates me.

"So? We can just finish what we've started." He says in a soft voice.

My eyes widen. "You can not seriously think that us as siblings can get away with a sexual relationship, and expect everyone to find that normal! There is nothing normal about that!"

Mason stills. His eyes fixated on my reaction. I suspect he wasn't expecting that response from me. Tough, he deserves it right now after how much torment he has been putting me through. It just cannot happen under any level whatsoever. How would people accept that? I don't even know if I feel the same inside. My mind keeps telling me it's just hormones running wild. After all, that's what mum would say if she knew about this.

I exhale after a moment of thinking, and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Look, Mason. It. Can't. Go. On. I don't want this. All this is... us... it's just hormones. Nothing more. We are siblings. That is that."

He frowns at me like some love sick puppy. Oh my god. Why give me that look, why. His eyes never fail to make me melt inside. "Alana...I don't feel that kind of connection."

"What are you talking about? What connection?" I roll my eyes as I place my cup of tea down on the dining table.

"I don't feel the sibling connection. It doesn't feel like your my sister. All I feel is this sexual tension around you all the time."

"Well, you are completely mad." I can't think of anything else to say apart from start name calling him. Nothing I say is gonna make him back off. I know my brother all too well. He is stubborn as fuck and he is not gonna stop until he gets what he wants.

"Alana, please. I can't deny this sexual tension." I hear the plead in his voice and it makes my heart weaken but I think better of it. "NO. It is disgusting, ok. You are my older brother! Now, get out!" I shout, pointing towards the dining room door. I'm hoping he will listen and just leave the room.

To my surprise. He does.

However... my heart sinks as I watch him leave.

I can't win with him. Ever.