Chapter 9 Sorry For the First Time

We arrived at my apartment in less than 30 mins.  Faster than it usually does. Phew. I have to have a car soon.

“I’m sorry you have to report to the office tomorrow because of me,” James mumbled while taking all the groceries and paper bag on his left hand.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault, James. I was just kidding when I said that.” I finally smiled at him ‘cause I clearly made him feel bad for putting all the blame on him.

“It is. I know it is my fault.” He stared at me like he is going to say something.

“What do you mean?” I neatly stacked boxes of eggs on my right hand and helped him carry some of my groceries.

“Nothing. What floor are you on?” he asked diverting and putting the topic away.

“Ten.”

“Can I help you carry with these to your floor?”

Scanning all the grocery bags, I realized I needed some help with that stuff. I overspent on my groceries once again. James and I talked about a lot of things while doing grocery shopping from work to pet topics. I found out he has a Golden Retriever named Spinach and a Siamese cat, Panda.

He is silent the whole elevator ride. Something is clearly bothering him. James is a happy person. For almost two months of working with him, I mean, of being friends with him, I have not seen him down or sad. He is always smiling and greets people every day. So far, this is the first time I’ve seen this occupied with something.

“Are you okay?” I asked him as we walked side by side to my apartment door.

“Huh? Yes, of course. I’m okay.”

“You look like you’re having diarrhea. You’re not okay, stop lying.”

That made him laugh patting my head with his free hand.

“I’m okay, I promise. Okay, Should I leave these here?” Motioning the grocery bags on the floor that I gradually agreed to.

“Yes, I can manage from here. Thank you so much for your help, James. See you tomorrow.”

He smiled and waited for me to close the door. Living alone can be stressful sometimes. Same old routine, no one to talk to, same playlist every day, and the same feeling of peacefulness.

The next day, I woke up a little too early from my usual alarm. I almost forgot I still have to make breakfast for Tom freaking Dawson. What has gotten into him for being so indecisive?

Shaking the thoughts of it, I began making his breakfast that consists of sausage, boiled broccoli, avocado sandwich , and beef bone soup in a tumbler. I stared at the lunchbox so intently that it could explode any moment.

“If I just don’t need this job.”

I arrived in the office an hour early, much to my surprise Mr. Dawson is already in his office. I stood outside the door for good two minutes contemplating what to say in front of him. I tiptoed my way inside silently praying he will not look up to me. But then I realized, I shouldn’t have to feel this way. He was the one who was so indecisive with his decisions. I stared at the lunch box I have been holding the entire time and scoffed at the idea of having the audacity to cook for this a*hole. Oops. Bad word. Okay, spare me, I’m mad, okay?

I cleared my throat slowly walking towards him, eyes hurting from glaring his forehead. Hoping some laser beam would shoot out to him.

“I thought I made myself clear I am giving you a day off today.” He greets while signing documents.

That made me stop. Wind knocked the air in my entire lungs as my breathing shallowed, biting my tongue in annoyance. I want to strangle him and push him off from this entire building but being the professional I am, I heaved a deep sigh and composed myself.

“You asked me to send your report, sir.” I simply responded putting my hands behind me as I have been clutching my fists too hard, I swear it would bleed anytime soon.

“Oh, really? Did I say that? I don’t remember. Don’t bother, I already made the report last night.”

Oh mama mia, please forgive me if I’ll kill this person.

A humorless laugh escaped my mouth. Putting large steps towards his table, planting my feet steady on the floor.

“I could care less if you’re busy and tend to forget things easily, but it would be better to be decent enough to keep our words. I am also a busy person here and outside the office. I know I shouldn’t act this way, heck I love this job but I am afraid someone will make me regret this. Sir.” That came out unexpectedly and even I was shocked by my words.

He stared at me with a slightly bored expression, pen suspended on the paper slightly shocked by my reaction. I can see how his eye twitched in annoyance.

“I assume you didn’t read my email. I gave you the iPad to keep track of my emails.”

He presumed from signing more documents while I silently fumble on the iPad and indeed, he sent an email at 12:40 am saying he already made the report and there’s no need for me to report to the office.

How the hell, would I read this? 12:40 in the morning? No one reads an email that early!

“Okay, I’m sorry I overreacted but do you honestly think we would read emails early in the morning? Yes, it’s part of our job but please do respect someone’s time.” Way to get fired, Betty.

“You could’ve read it this morning, isn’t it the first thing you will do in the morning?”

“I was busy preparing your breakfast!” I know I will get fired after this, so I am taking it all out. I don’t want regrets in the end. Because I tend to get mad at myself for not saying what I wanted to say.

His face softened as his eyes landed on the lunch box I am carrying. Slightly scratching his head with his eyebrows raised, he is a loss for words. It’s the first time not to hear hurtful remarks from him. I stood there at loss for words as well. I was astounded I dared to shout at him. I don’t know if he is more shocked with me shouting or feeling bad for himself.

“I— sorry.” I have to break the silence first before it gets more awkward than it is. I slowly put the lunchbox in front of him and made my way to my cubicle adjacent to his table. Unfortunately, my cubicle is all covered with glass adding the anxiety of me being with him in one room. I tend to assume he is always looking at me from my peripheral vision. You know it, and you can feel it, right?

 I slapped my mouth for not controlling my anger. I settled on my chair feeling bad for how I acted earlier. I turned to Mr. Dawson once again but he is all so immersed in his documents.

“Betty, you messed up.” I am waiting for him to say I’m fired or ‘go home’ but so thankful it wasn’t the case anymore. I can’t help myself but feel anxious about what happened.  Time ticked by so fast it’s almost lunch break and I don’t know how I am supposed to tell him I will go take a break.

Knock knock~

My head snapped to the door and Mr. Dawson is staring at me with a blank expression. He no longer wearing his coat and his eyeglasses still on.

“Aren’t you going to take a break? Follow me, Ms. Hernandez.”

He padded his way to the exit and I made no time to lounge here any longer and followed him as he instructed.

He brought me to one of the restaurants near the business center. Awkwardness really gets to me whenever we are alone together. I mean, is it normal to eat lunch with your boss together? He should be going out with one of the executives, but instead, here he is sitting on the lone table with his personal secretary.

I stared at him, while he said something to the waiter nodding while pointing on the menu. I sometimes don’t understand this man’s attitude. He can be kind, thoughtful, but most of the time evil. The constant look he is always wearing while walking on the corridor, straight face and scary looking. I guess it’s his mask to let people think not to mess with him, or to gain respect from them. But here I am even dared to shout at his face. I try not to think about it anymore, the thought of it is crawling on my skin like spiders. How dare you, Betty.

“Ms. Hernandez, what’s your order?”

Mr. Dawson and the waiter is staring at me waiting for me to say something. So I ordered the simplest dish I can get. Fresh greens and grilled meat on the side.

“About earlier, I’m sorry.” He muttered not meeting my eyes. He is fumbling on his phone scrolling up and down. Is he shy or something? A chuckle almost escaped from my mouth while I try reading his actions. He is indeed shy and guilty about what happened. But I have something to be sorry about too.

“I’m sorry, too. I shouted at you, sir.” He just nodded and thankfully bubbles of awkwardness slowly pooping away and left us in peace.

“About that, you’re the only one who has the guts to raise a voice on me. But it’s fine. I know I have fault too.” I know he is trying to intimidate me for what I did. He seriously doesn’t want to lose from this.

Now, that made me want the ground to swallow me up. My face probably is as red as beets.

We finished eating with him slightly discussing our upcoming meeting with the investors. He will be going to Europe next week, and of course, I will be doing his report for real this time.

“I will let Robert drives you home early today. I heard you’re going to the party tomorrow?” he asked looking at me over the rearview mirror.

“Uhh yes, sir. I’m going with James. James Collins. He’s from the Impex Department. He—”

“Uh yes, I know him.” His tone suddenly turned cold and I just shrugged it off as the feeling of nostalgia is slowly eating me away with the fact I will be going home early today.

We both parted our ways with him going to visit one executive on the third wing of the company. I walked alone to our office when Elizabeth and two of her friends came at me like bulldozers.

“Hey, come here.”

I pointed at myself at them waiting at me at the reception counter.

“Yes you Betty. Come here.”

“Hey, how are you?” I asked weirdly. It’s so odd of them to talk with me during office hours. I mean, we were friends but not that close for them to call me over and have a chit chat.

“Is it true?” Rebecca, the one with short hair asked first.

“What do you mean?”

“Is he really divorced with Ms. Jessica?” Elizabeth whispered pretending to be arranging some of her stuff eyeing every passerby.

“What? How—How do you know all this?”

“So, it’s true.” Lila chimed in from behind me carrying a stack of papers.

“Don’t worry, every single issue here can’t be kept a secret. Everybody knows everything.” Elizabeth smiled at me noticing my nervous expression.

“So, what about it?’ I asked innocently.

“Girl, don’t you know? The issue here is you are the reason why he finally pushed through his divorce with Ms. Jessica.”

That caught me off guard. What the heck? As far as I’m concerned, I arrived here in the company they were already planning the divorce.

“What?! No! That’s—”

“Betty!” I was interrupted by someone calling my name. James appeared right behind us with his hands in his pockets and a scowl on his face.

“Everybody stop it! Breaktime is over.” James appeared raging like a bull. He is right on time to cut this conversation. I don’t like where this is heading to.

“Come on, let’s go.”

“Girls, that is not true!” I shouted whilst James dragging me slowly out of the prying eyes.

“James? Where are you taking me?”

James looked at me straight in my eyes and I can clearly see how his face shadowed with anger? Frustration? He is silent and I can’t make out if he is mad or just thinking something. He is acting weird right now.

“Is it true?” He asked calmly.

“True, what?”

“You already heard about it. Is it true?” voice as hard as a rock. So different from the softy James I know.

That came out of nowhere. What made them think I and Mr. Dawson are in a relationship? Instead of getting mad at the idea, a laugh escaped from my mouth.

“What are you thinking? I can give you a million reasons that I and Mr. Dawson are not in a relationship. Gosh, what happened to all of you? I have nothing to clarify nor to explain, James. I am not in a relationship with my boss. What made you all think that I am? You are all not making sense.”

Four employees are looking at me with disbelief in their eyes. Maybe they are thinking how come this ordinary lowlife woman had the audacity to say the Chairman’s name on the corridor and the word relationship.

I gave a good glare and turned my attention to James who is not staring at me with wide eyes.

“Betty, wait!”

I stomped my way to the office and packed my bags hastily and almost bumped into someone as I make my leave. Mr. Dawson with his famous blank expression and a long face. He probably heard about the issue and anger is clear evidence on his face. I can totally understand him. Who would want to have an issue aside from the problems of the company here comes another problem? His reputation lies here.

“You don’t have to be affected by what they say. We both know what truly happened.”

His only remark before taking his turn to his table. I made no attempt to say anything. I am lost for word. So, I know now how it feels to be part of a somewhat big issue with big people. Doesn’t feel nice. Not a single part of it.

I’ve been here in this company for good three months now and I am already in this issue. I hope I can stay longer here without killing somebody. I swear if I will get involved in another issue, they will surely see what I can do. Psh, all talk Betty.

“Hey, where are you going?” Elizabeth shouted and I didn’t bother looking in their direction. Until a hand clamped on my arms jerking me in surprise.

“Let me take you home.”

“You don’t have to. If you’re sorry, you could just tell me you’re sorry.”

“Betty, I insist. I am so sorry, please just let me take you home. It’s the least that I could do.”

Gracing me with his infamous puppy eyes and sincere apology, I mean who would want to say no to that face?

“Fine. Just don’t say a single word about it.”

“Okay, I promise.”

A mellow music is blasting through his speakers. James is driving me home as he is sorry for what we had talked about earlier.

“I just can’t let you go home this way. I don’t want to go to the party tomorrow with you getting mad at your date. I just can’t.”

Thanks to James' light personality, that instead of me getting mad at him, I ended up laughing. Sure this man has charms that attract girls, and he is using it well.

“I just want to make you feel better.”

“I don’t know what made them think that Mr. Dawson and I are in a relationship.”

“I’ve known him for life. It’s the first time he lets his secretary handle almost all of his personal matters. He never go out to have lunch with his secretary, nor let them cook his breakfast, Betty.”

So, what are they implying to? Does Mr. Dawson like me? No way.

“Uh, wait. Do you know him for life? Are you his best friend?”

“Uhh—n—no. I mean, I’ve known him since I started working in the company.”

“To be honest, I did not apply for an assistant/secretary position. I applied for an associate but Mr. Dawson offered me, uh no, he bribed me to be his secretary, double my salary, give me free apartment and car in exchange for one condition.”

James looked at me for good three seconds making me slap his head to focus on driving.

“Sorry, what condition?”

“That I’ll help him process his divorce papers with Ms. Jessica. I bet you know her, right?”

“He asked your help to push his divorce papers?!”

“Yes, It took me three weeks going to her house just for her signature.”

“What did my—I mean, Ms. Jessica say? Did she just sign it?”

“Yes, no questions asked. At first, I thought it was weird but I guess her intention is clear after all.”

James was drowned into deep thought once again. Something is clearly bothering him.

 We remained silent until we arrived at my apartment. It’s already past 4 pm and I have to prepare for tomorrow’s event and went straight to my apartment. I am a bit nervous about tomorrow. I have to be there as early as I can since my boss will be attending too, so I have to assist him no matter what.

I fumble to one of my luggage and knocked something off. A picture frame. Of me and Ricky. Yep the freakin’ Ricky Sullivan.

I don’t know what has gotten into me that I suddenly held the frame firmly. It feels like time stopped and it was just me and the frame. It was a picture of me and Ricky back when we were still in college. Back when we were still in love, free and young. A sudden pang of sadness washed over me. I cried and cried not because I am still longing for him but I am mad at myself for still feeling this way. I want this feeling to disappear. I am all too tired of crying over him for no apparent reason. I have to end this, or else I would be stuck like this forever.

Wiping the tears away, I shrug whatever discomfort and distraction I have in my body and focused my mind on my main agenda tonight. Prepare for tomorrow’s event. It wasn’t long until Mom called me about how I was doing if I eat on time if I will visit them this summer. I obliged myself to say yes, though most of it is a big ‘No’ especially having meals on time particularly.

“Mom, I’m okay. I will visit you and Dad this summer. That I can promise you.” Hearing my Mom’s voice instantly made me feel good. Nothing can really make me this happy but hearing their voices even over the phone.

“Sleep early, sweetheart. Good night. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, Mom. Talk to you tomorrow.” We hung up and I feel empty once again. But knowing that someone is always there for you and will never leave you alone, everything will be okay.