Chapter 45 IT'S DYLAN
I feel my pulse jump and my face heats up. "Yeah. I think Logan expects it. He brought it up this morning."
"I'm so sorry, Grace." She reaches for my hand that rests on the counter and grasps it. "I wish I could help you. I wish there was something I could do."
Something clicks inside my head. "But you can, can't you? You helped Doreen escape here. She told me so. She told all that you did for her. Maybe you can....."
"Shh!" She looks around the kitchen in horror then lowers her voice to less than a whisper. "I can't." Her look is one of true regret as she speaks. "I wish I could. I really do. But once I helped Doreen escape everything changed. Grog increased the security detail. I no longer have access to the places I used to. Only Grog and his men can get through those gates."
This sparks a new question. "Does he know then? Does he know you helped her?" I keep my voice as low as possible.
"No. And we shouldn't be talking about this here. It's not safe." Her voice is gentle, but firm.
I give a reluctant nod, trying not to get discouraged. So this is a minor setback, that doesn't mean it is impossible to escape, just a little more complicated.
"The kids are out of the house and I have nothing else to do today except look after you, how about a visit to the garden?" She offers. "It always relaxes me and gives me time to think. Plus, we can talk there."
I offer her a kind smile. "Sure. The garden sounds perfect."
It is as beautiful as she described it. It is overgrown with wild flowers and honeysuckles and Goldenrods. It all grew naturally and carelessly together which makes it much more visually appealing. I think about asking her how they came to grow that way, but realize that our time is limited and we have more important things to discuss.
As we sit there in silence I try to collect my thoughts and choose my questions carefully, only asking the most important ones in case we don't have enough time for all of them.
I take a slow and cautious look around the garden before speaking.
"It's okay. This place is safe. This was Grog's first gift to me. It's only mine." I nod and she shows me to a wooden bench among the flowers. She brushes her fingers over the honeysuckles and smiles. She seems far away as she stares at them. "These are my favorite. They give off natural perfume smell that reminds me of my mother."
I take a moment to stop and wonder about her mother. She never mentioned her before and I wonder whatever happened to her. Was she still alive somewhere or was she killed in one of Grog's violent raids? Surely Amelia can't love him if he did. But then again, he killed her mate and she does.
Would that be me in another week? If Logan and I are officially mated and I don't escape, will I even want to escape anymore? What if I love him too much to leave him? What if I love him more than Samuel?
I quickly shake my head off those thoughts before getting lost in them and unable to dig myself out. No. I wouldn't let myself become his. I would rather die. I looked down and place my hand on my stomach. There is no guarantee the baby would survive the mating anyway. Not to someone else.
"I see motherhood has claimed you now," Amelia says, causing me to look up at her. "You look more comfortable with it since I told you about it last night."
I nod and smile to myself. "Yeah, I guess I am."
"Some people are natural born mothers and I think you'll be great at it."
"I don't know," I say. "I'm more of a fighter, not a maternal figure. I take after my dad in that way. My mom is the maternal one in my family and I don't take anything after her except my blue eyes."
She gives me a light smile. "You never know until you're in a situation where you need those instincts that you realize you have them. You can take after both your parents you know."
I look away into the garden. "I know. I just never thought that applied to me because my mom and I are so different."
"I can tell you miss them; your parents."
The quiet settles over us again and I have to remember why she and I are here in the first place. It isn't to discuss family or what I am missing. It is to discuss something much more important and more risky; my escape and if she can assist me.
"How did you help Doreen escape?" I blurt impatiently.
"I didn't," she confesses. "She figured it out on her own. I just didn't tell anyone until it was too late for them to catch her."
I look back at her immediately. "But she said you helped her."
"I did, by remaining silent about her plans. And when she did it, I let her go. I couldn't bear to make her stay here with Noah. He may be Grog's most trusted Ally, but he's unstable and he frightens me. He is a very determined person. He gets everything he wants because he'll do anything to get it. He picked Doreen out the moment he saw he in that club. And she was his every moment after."
The way she talks about him sends chills up my spine. I only know him from Doreen's conversation about him after she came to the pack, but after everything Amelia has told me, I believe them; if they have reason to be afraid of him than maybe I should too.
"I don't mean to scare you. I'm just being honest. No one here is good. But Noah is worse. He brings out the nastiest sides in people and keeps them that way. Grog included."
"So, wait. Who's running the show here? Grog or Noah?"
Her expression is the closest thing to despair I have ever seen from her. For someone who has tried to make the best out of a very bad situation, this is the chink in her armor.
"They have been best friends since they were pups. Ever since Noah saved Grog from certain death he's had a higher respect for him than he has ever had for another living soul, including me."
My chest hollows as I recall the story the doctor told me when I first arrived at Samuel's pack. So, Noah was the friend who saved Grog. I should have figured it out. I feel bad for Amelia. How she could continue going on after everything that happened to her is beyond me. She is probably the strongest person I have ever met in real life.
"I'm sorry," I say. "I know you don't want to hear it, or don't want to talk about it. But I am sorry. I'm sorry for the loss of your mate. I'm sorry about what happened to your pack. I'm sorry it was turned into this. I just..."
"It's okay," she says. Though, I can hear it in her voice, it most certainly is not okay. "It was a while ago and I've come to terms with it now. It's easier to forget than to remember. That's the way I prefer it."
"Would you leave?" I ask her suddenly. "If you could, would you do it?"
She tucks her loose short brown hair behind her ear and doesn't speak. For the longest time I don't think she would. I think I've crossed a line by asking her such an outrageous question.
She's done her best to conceal herself since I arrived here and I have refused to believe that all she shows me is all there is to her. She has to be more. I can feel it.
"Sometimes," she begins, "I believe that I could. But then I think about the kids...and Grog. I know what he's done, but I can still see the good in him. He does his best to hide it, but I know it's still there. I've seen it on very rare occasions. I suppose that's what makes me love him."
I swallow, feeling the tears burn at the back of my eyes. Even though she is speaking about herself it feels like she is speaking to me in a way. She is foreseeing a possible future for me if I don't ever get out of here."
"Do you think that's what will happen to me? Do you think that I will come to love Logan over time and forget about Samuel?" I don't want to imagine that future, but sometime we don't have a choice.
She looks at me and shakes her head. "No. You will never forget your mate. I never forgot mine. But I can tell you this. The pain will subside and you will find that life goes on with or without you. And if you choose to go on with it, you will heal. I can promise you that"
Now I am starting to cry. "But that's just it. I don't want to move on from him. I don't want to look at Samuel without the love or feelings I have for him now. I can't even imagine it." She reaches out her hand and places it over mine. She offers me no words of comfort, only the silence and her presence. It makes me cry even harder. It is no longer silent tears rolling down my face; it is loud ones full of pain and anguish.
It is a slow realization to come to, but I am finally getting there. Without her help, I know the future I am doomed to.
"If I help you, Grog will know," she says, removing her hand from mine. "He may love me, but he isn't stupid and he won't turn a blind eye to it. He'll see me a traitor and I'll pay for it. Our children will pay for it. I don't know what will become of them without me. I have to think of them, Grace. You of all people should understand that. You're a mother now. What would you do?"
I cry because I already know the answer to her question. If it were between my child and Amelia, I would always choose my child; every single time. Amelia sits with me until I exhaust all of my energy on self grieving.
I hate what this place has done to me. I hate to admit defeat. But my last lifeline has fallen through and now defeat is my only other choice.
It feels like we've been in the garden for hours when Amelia finally stands up and pulls me with her. "Come on. We have to go. They'll start looking for us soon."
I can't speak. I don't want to speak. So I nod and let her walk me back to the house. It is quiet when we make it inside. No one is there except us. From the look on Amelia's face, I can see that it isn't a normal occurrence.
"Wait here. I'll see what's going on," she says.
Again, I nod and wait in the kitchen for her to return. She is gone for only a few minutes and when she comes back I am at the sink cleaning up my face. Best to look presentable before Logan sees me and knows something is wrong.
"You look better," she notes. "Your face looks tired, but other than that I think you can pass as Grace." She looks toward the front of the house and back at me. "Logan is looking for you. I told him I'd bring you out."
"Is everything okay?" I find myself asking. My voice is horse and weak.
"The pack is meeting now. You'll see why soon," she says devoid lot of emotion. She seems detached and distant now. What has she discovered out there that has changed her?
I follow her through the house. We don't speak until we are outside with the rest of the pack. They are all convened in the training area standing around in a large circle. Someone is at its center holding everyone's attention. There are slight mummers among the crowed, but as I strain to hear them I am caught by the arm giving me a start. I follow the hand on me up to the person holding me. It is Logan. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
"Sorry," I say.. "I was with Amelia."
"Noah is back. I thought you'd want to see who brought him back to us," he smiles..
I looked to Amelia to confirm whether what Logan said is true, but she is already gone and I can't see her anymore. I glance back at Logan when he takes my hand and pulls me along to toward the crowd.
We push past members of the pack and they part with a word to either of us. I note that I don't know many of them and they don't know me either. I wonder if he has immediate plans to introduce me to them after we are mated or if I'll have to get to know them entirely on my own. I guess I should take some interest in a pack I was forced to be a part of for the rest of my life. When are near to the middle of the circle when I hear Grog making a speech about honor and loyalty. He goes on until we clear the rest of the people and we're standing a few yards in front of him. He stops when he sees us and looks down at Daniel and me and smiles.
"Grace, I'm so glad you could join us. Won't you please come up and meet someone."
He looks beside him at the person standing with his eyes already on me and I knew without a doubt who the person was. Noah. His stare feels like knives cutting me slowly, one by one, all over my body. His eyes are pools of endless black, making me feel like I am staring to a dark abyss. He appears to be in the same clothes he'd been in the last day I saw him, as if time hasn't even touched him. The only noted difference is the mostly healed wounds that marked his skin.
There was a long cut down the right side of his face that has disappeared under his black tank top. Several bruises marred his body, with yellow and purple circles mixed in the more cuts on him. They would have looked much worse on the day he had gotten them.
Now they're just faint marks.
He grins at me showing me all his teeth. It is a smile of menace and peril. There is nothing friendly or kind about him at all. Logan feels me tense and stiffen next to him and looks down at me. I can't bring my eyes away from him though. It would feel like another defeat if I did.
"Nice to see you again, Grace. It's been too long. We'll have to...catch up."
My hand tightened on Logan's and I suck in a sharp breath. Right now, Logan is all I have. He is my only lifeline and protection from Noah. He is still angry at Doreen for leaving and there is no doubt in my mind that he would hesitate for a minute taking his anger for her out on me.
"But first," he continues, "Maybe you'd like to see someone from your old pack. Wouldn't you like to know just how far we can reach here?"
He finally looks away from me, freeing me for only a second and staring into the crowd. "Why don't you come out, Dylan, and say hello."
My breath hitches as I follow Noah's gaze through the people. Dylan? Dylan? No. Please no!
At first, no one moves. Everyone is utterly still and mute as they wait for something to happen. After a few more seconds, someone starts to make their way through the sea of people, their head moving slightly above everyone else's. Whoever he is, he was tall. Just like Dylan. But I can't believe it is really him until I see him for myself.
As he approached Noah, my unease grows considerably. And then when there are no more people separating us, there he is. It is truly him, standing there in all his confidence like he did the first time I met him. Nothing about him has changed. He is still very much Dylan. Dark brown hair, tall posture, beautiful features that all stand out and his famous crooked smile. Now it just looks like mockery.
When our eyes meet it begins to feel like my world is spinning out of control. The ground is unstable and rock at my feet and everything is spinning. I have been betrayed. Samuel has been betrayed. Our entire pack has been betrayed.
Dylan, the guy who I believed was my friend and a trusted Beta is no longer that person to me anymore. He is a liar, a traitor, and now I hate him. I hate him more in that moment than I have ever hated anyone in my entire life. Grog and Noah, I knew what to expect from them from the very beginning, but Dylan...I never expected this. Never.
I begin to catch my breath again as Logan winds his arm around me and pulls me to his chest. His head is lowered to my ear and his lips lightly pressed against it to whisper so that only we could hear.
"It's okay. It's all okay. He's one of us. He can be trusted."
I shake my head slightly as Logan pulls away but my eyes never leave Dylan's blue ones. No. He is wrong. This sure as hell is not okay by any means.
I stand amidst the crowd of people never removing my attention to Dylan and although he looks away from me I know he can still feel my never ceasing gaze on him. Not even when the meeting ends and Grog brushes by me, taunting me.
"What's the matter, Grace? You seem tense. Aren't you happy to see a fellow friend?"
"You did this. You turned him against his pack and brought him here to hurt me." I grind out between my teeth.
"Tsk. Tsk. Easy." Out of the corner of my eye I see him shake his head and grin at me. “I detect some hostility here.I can't imagine why. And no thank you to boot? My my. Here I thought you might be grateful for a familiar face."
My hands are in hard grips now, my finger nails cutting little marks on the inside of my palm. It is everything I can do to hold it together and not make an attempt to bash in Grog's face. He reaches out and places a hand on Logan's shoulder.
"Come on. Let's give them some time alone. I'm sure they have a lot to say to each other and Noah is waiting for us. We have a lot to arrange before tomorrow."
Logan looks reluctantly between Dylan and me and then back at Grog. After a long, dragged out moment he finally drops his arm and lets go of me. He turns to his friend. "Alright,” he says. "Let's go." He begins
to walk away from me then stops a short away and leans toward me placing a kiss to my left temple. "I love you. I'll be back for you soon."
And then he is gone.