Chapter 40 Let Me Help You Forget
The morning light grew stronger, spilling across the bed in golden bars that softened the edges of everything....the rumpled sheets twisted at their feet, the discarded clothes pooled on the floor, the worry lines stretched deep around Falcone's eyes. Cedric traced the line patterns on his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing, trying to commit this quiet moment to memory before the weight of the day crashed down on them both. His finger found a scar there....old but deep, faded to silver against tan skin, a thin line that curved just below his collarbone. He'd asked about it once, weeks ago. Falcone had looked at him for a long moment, something unreadable flickering across his face, then kissed him instead of answering.
Some things, Cedric had learned, Falcone kept locked away. Maybe forever.
"What time is it?" Falcone's voice was still rough with sleep, but the tension was already creeping back into his shoulders, his body going rigid beneath Cedric's touch.
Cedric glanced at the clock on the nightstand, its red digits glowing accusingly. "Seven-thirty. We have ten and a half hours."
"Ten and a half hours." Falcone repeated it like a sentence, not a reprieve. Like he was calculating how many things could go wrong in that span of time, how many ways he could fail before Cedric's mother Linda Santos even walked through the door. His hands moved restlessly against the sheets, fingers curling into fists.
"Stop counting down. You're going to drive yourself insane." Cedric shifted, straddling Falcone's hips, hands flat against his chest where he could feel his heartbeat...too fast, too anxious, like a caged bird battering against ribs. "We need to get you out of your head. And spiraling clearly isn't helping, so..."
"So what?" Falcone's hands came up automatically to grip Cedric's thighs, thumbs stroking the bare skin there in slow, absent circles. Like his body knew what it needed even when his mind was spinning elsewhere, caught in a loop of worst-case scenarios and disaster planning.
"So we distract you." Cedric rolled his hips deliberately, watching the way Falcone's eyes darkened, pupils dilating. "Get you to stop thinking for a while. I can think of a few ways to do that."
"Cedric...." The roughness in Falcone's voice shifted into something deeper, more urgent. His grip tightened harshly. "We should...."
"Should what? Spend the entire morning working yourself into a hot panic attack?" Cedric leaned down, finding the hollow of Falcone's throat with his lips. The pulse there was racing, fluttering against his mouth like something desperate and wild. He kissed it gently, wishing he could slow it down with touch alone. "I'd rather spend it reminding you that you're still human. That you're allowed to feel good, even today. Especially today."
Falcone's grip tightened, fingers digging into muscle. "That's not...we can't just... today is important. I need to..."
"You need to breathe." Cedric interrupted, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. "You need to remember that you're more than this one meeting. More than whatever my mother thinks of you." He smoothed his hands up Falcone's chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heart beneath his palms. "It's been weeks since we've done this. Since you let yourself have anything with me. Don't you want to? Just... forget everything else for a little while?"
Something in Falcone's expression cracked....just slightly, just enough for Cedric to see the exhaustion underneath. The fear. He looked vulnerable in the morning light, older somehow, like the weight he carried had finally become visible. His throat worked as he swallowed hard.
"I... I..." Falcone stared up at him,and for a fucking moment,he was short of words,and Cedric could see it all playing out behind those dark eyes...the part of him that needed to plan and control and prepare for every possible disaster, fighting against the part that was just tired and scared and desperately wanting to feel something other than dread. His jaw clenched. Unclenched. His hands moved from Cedric's thighs to his hips, holding on like Cedric was the only solid thing in a tilting world.
"I can't think of a single good reason to say no," Falcone admitted finally, and it sounded almost like defeat. Like surrender. Like giving up on a battle he'd been fighting since he opened his eyes this early morning.
"Then don't." Cedric kissed him, slow and thorough, swallowing whatever doubts were still forming. He took his time with it, mapping the familiar whole parts of Falcone's mouth, feeling the way his body gradually loosened beneath him, tension bleeding out degree by degree. When he pulled back, he kept his forehead pressed to Falcone's, their breath mingling in the small space between them. "Let me take care of you. Just for a little while. Let me give you this."
Falcone's eyes closed, dark lashes casting shadows on his cheeks. For a moment, he looked almost peaceful. Almost. Then his hands slid up Cedric's back, pulling him closer, and when he opened his eyes again, something had shifted. The anxiety was still there...:it would probably always be there, lurking at the edges....but beneath it was something rawer. More honest.
"Okay," Falcone breathed, and it came out like a confession. Like permission he'd been too afraid to give himself. His hands tightened on Cedric's skin, anchoring them both. "Okay. Make me forget."
Cedric smiled against his lips, feeling the last of Falcone's resistance crumble. Outside, the world kept turning. The clock kept ticking.his mother would arrive in ten and a half hours, and everything would change. But here, now, in this moment carved out of borrowed time, none of that mattered. Here, there was only skin and warmth and the quiet sound of breathing, the gentle insistence of two people trying to hold each other together before the storm arrived.
"I've got you," Cedric whispered, and he meant it. For the next hour, at least, he could keep that promise. Could give Falcone this one small thing...a moment of peace before everything else demanded its due.