Chapter 25

Napakabigat ng pakiramdam niya nang magising. Parang may martilyong pumupukpok sa ulo niya at pakiramdam niya ay nasa Iceland siya sa lamig ng paligid. Kinapa niya ang noo at napabuntunghininga ng malamang may lagnat siya.

Inaninag niya ang kinaroroonan bago dahan-dahang naupo sa kama. Nasa isang malaking silid siya sa isang ospital. Nakasuot siya ng hospital gown at may malaking oxygen tank sa tabi ng kama.

Everything went back to her in an instant. The way Langdon jumped on the water without hesitation just to save her. And he really saved her. The moment before her body collapsed into the water, she barely smiled upon seeing Langdon's fearful eyes while looking at her. He extended his hand to her wanting to reach for her.

But he is still a married man now.

Kinagat niya ang dila para takpan ang tunog ng pag-iyak. Mali ang ginawa niya. She was too drastic to even thought of jumping from that bridge. Ano na lang ang mararamdaman ng kuya niya, ng mga magulang niya, ng buong pamilya, at ni Langdon kapag may nangyari talagang masama sa kaniya?

They would be devastated to learn about her untimely death.

"I'm silly. I'm really being silly now."

Kahit medyo nahihilo pa ay pinilit niyang bumaba sa kama at tinungo ang pinto pero bago pa niya ito mabuksan para makalabas ay naramdaman niya ang pag-ikot ng paligid kaya napaupo siya sa sahig sapo ang ulo.

Bumukas ang pinto at sumungaw ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Langdon. Walang salitang binuhat siya nito at ibinalik sa kama. Tumagilid siya ng higa matapos siya nitong kumutan at tahimik na umiyak. Seeing him in his wedding clothes is painful.

"Why did you do that?" mahina ang boses nito pero may kalakip na diin nang maupo ito sa tabi niya.

"I... I don't know. I'm so sorry I don't know what I'm doing..." Suminghot siya at maingat na pinahid ang luha.

"Wala kang karapatang gawin iyon sa sarili mo. I own you, remember? I own you, Cin!"

"Pero nasasaktan na ako, Lang," anas niya at piniga ang unan sa gilid. "I can't take it anymore. Basag na basag na ako. Sabi mo, hindi mo ako kayang mahalin pero inalok mo akong maging iyo. You said you own me but you can't even take care of your own possession. You asked me to be your woman. I said yes without even thinking because I'm so happy to be with you finally. You said I should live with you but... why did you marry another woman?"

He fell silent.

"I have my own reasons," he uttered in the most secretive tone she ever heard from him.

"You have your own reasons," she repeated. "Pero naisip mo ba ang mararamdaman ko kapag nalaman ko na ikinasal ka na? You told me you don't want to marry her. Alam kong wala akong karapatang mag-demand. You made it clear to me pero... hindi ko maiwasang umasa. You may not be able to love me but you could at least tell me beforehand that you're really marrying another woman. Para naman at least nakapaghanda ako. I was devastated, Lang. Hindi kita sinisisi pero..."

Hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin nang bigla siya nitong niyakap sa likuran.

"I know what I did to you, Cin. I know what you're feeling right now." His hand tightened around her body. "Don't ever do that again. Promise me. Don't be foolish to endanger your life for someone like me. I'm not worth it. Don't waste your life for a mere man like me."

Dahan-dahan siyang kumilos para humarap dito. Kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha niya ay ang pag-abot niya sa kamay nito.

"Don't say that. You're so worth it, Lang. You're everything for me. Hindi mo lang alam kung paano mo pinapagaan ang kalooban ko sa tuwing tinutubuan ako ng takot. I'll just think of you, picture you in my head, remember how good it feels to breathe by your side and then my fear will be gone. Binibigyan mo ako ng lakas para magpatuloy. You mean so much to me because I love you so much even though I know you will never be with me."

"I never said that," he interrupted her.

"But you can never love me. Para sa akin, parehas lang iyon. Tanggap ko na iyon. Matagal na. The day I welcomed to myself that I love you was also the moment I accepted the reality that I can never have you but it seems like my heart has a mind of its own. Hindi ko siya mapigilan. Kumikilos siya nang walang pahintulot ko."

Gasping for air, she raised her trembling hand to touch his face. "I've dreamt for this, Lang. For so long, you've been a constant visitor in my dreams."

Hinuli nito ang kamay at mas idinikit pa sa pisngi nito.

"Maybe in time I'll be able to love you."

Mapait siyang ngumiti. Alam niyang nagsisinungaling lang ito para pagaanin ang loob niya.

"We both know you don't mean that. Alam nating nag-iisa lang ang taong nagmamay-ari sa puso mo. Sinasabi mo lang iyan dahil naaawa ka sa akin pero... kung iyan lang ang tanging maibibigay mo sa akin, tatanggapin ko. Pagkakasyahin ko ang sarili sa awa mo. I could never dare ask more from you."

"You're really one stupid girl, aren't you?" Pinahid nito ang luha niya at pinaraanan ng daliri ang baba niya. "The most sensible thing you should be doing right now is to curse me, throw things at me, and then leave this place after you slap my face and smack my head. I didn't know what did I do to receive such pure but silly love from you."

Nag-iba ang tingin nito nang dumako ang mga mata nito sa nakabendang braso niya. Gumalaw ang kamay nito at hinaplos iyon.

"Don't you ever do it again. What you did was very very dangerous. I almost didn't get you. Mabuti na lang at on patrol ang coast guard. I won't let another life be lost because of me."

"Maybe the mermaid saved me, Lang. She's going to the dike to chip away the blocks and then she saw me while passing by. Maybe she thought to herself that being charitable at that time would grant her a favor from heavens."

He laughed and pulled her into his warm embrace.

"Cin, Cin, Cin. Ano ba ang gagawin ko sa iyo?"

Gumulong ang luha sa mga mata niya.

Maybe do the impossible thing like love me, Lang? Please?

"Lang?" untag niya rito nang lumipas ang ilang sandali ng tahimik nilang pagyayakapan.

"Hmm?" He adjusted his grip on her body and began brushing her hair.

"Congratulations on your wedding," mahina niyang bati rito. Gusto sana niyang tingnan ito sa mga mata pero pinanatili nito ang mukha niya na nakasubsob sa dibdib nito.

Ilang segundo muna ang lumipas bago ito nakasagot. "Cin, I won't leave you until your stupid silly foolish love for me sinks away."

Napangiti siya kahit hindi iyon umabot sa mga mata niya. "That's a relief. Salamat."