Chapter 141 Mother's insecurities

Chapter 141 Mother's insecurities
Knox,

We left the penthouse around eight-thirty in the morning. The city looked unreal from that height, as if it belonged to someone else’s life. I tried to feel something decisive, something final, but all I felt was distance. I had lived here, made decisions here, ruled from here. Or at least, that was what everyone told me. None of it felt like mine. The man who had built this place was a stranger, and I was walking away carrying his name without his memories.

That realization stayed with me as we boarded the jet.

The low hum of the engine still wrapped around me, steady and dull. I rested my head back, closing my eyes for a moment, wondering what kind of person I had been before everything shattered. Ruthless? Calculated? Cold? People looked at me like they were waiting for that man to resurface. I didn’t know whether to fear him or trust him.

Mark told me that I hated this kind of life. Full of blood , crimes and targets. But I never felt like I belonged to them.

With a sharp breath, I decided to get some sleep instead. Last night, after having the conversation about my mother, I barely slept.

That was when Erica approached again. She stopped beside my seat, holding a small plate of fruits. Her smile was gentle, but her eyes were restless.

“Here. Have some fruits.”

I took a glance at her, noticing her weak expressions. “Thank you.”

I took the plate, more out of politeness than appetite. She sat down beside me instead of leaving. Her closeness made something tight coil in my chest. Not discomforr, just Responsibility.

“Son,” she began, her voice careful, “since we are going back home, I was wondering where we can stay.”

I glanced at her. She was watching me as if my answer might decide more than just an address.

“Where do you want to stay?” I asked politely,

“We can stay in an apartment. Let’s rent one.” She sounded cheerful.

I nodded slowly, pretending to consider it. In truth, my mind was spiraling. A rented apartment sounded simple. Neutral. A place with no history. And yet, neutrality felt dangerous. A blank space was where I might lose myself entirely. Because right now, as the Knox Silverfang who spent two years here with no connection to the old one, I had no idea how to live like the old one. The one Violet liked, Violet wanted me to be.

I turned to her. “What about my son and my wife?” I asked politely,

Her expression hardened. The softness slipped, replaced by quiet determination.

“You can visit them whenever you want,” she said. “I want to know you more. I haven’t been able to know you more.”

The words hit deeper than she probably intended. Know me more. I didn’t even know myself.

I placed the plate aside. My breath sharpened.

“Erica—”

“It’s Mom. Please.” She cut in, voice shaking,

I paused, then nodded. “Fine. Mom. Have you considered the situation we’re in right now?”

She stiffened. “I know it’s not ideal.”

“No,” I said calmly. “You know it’s inconvenient. That’s not the same thing.”

She fell silent, and I continued.

“I don’t know the USA. I’ve never been there. I barely have one year of memories, and even those feel borrowed. I wake up every day unsure whether my instincts are mine or his.”

Her brows furrowed. “His?”

“The man I was before,” I said quietly. “The man everyone expects me to be.”

She shifted uncomfortably, but I didn’t stop.

“I don’t know who my friends were. I don’t know who wanted me dead. I don’t know what lines I crossed or how many I erased without blinking. Right now, I know nothing, Mom. I can't protect myself. How could I protect you?”

My hands clenched against the armrest before I realized it.

“I’m told I was powerful,” I continued. “Feared. Respected. I was a good businessman. But I don’t know if I was good. I don’t know if I was cruel. And that terrifies me.”

She swallowed hard.

“I have to sort out property I don’t remember buying. I have to handle the properties in Italy but I have no idea how much it will be complicated. I have to face a country where I maybe a criminal too. Who knows?. And on top of that—” I turned to her. “Do you have anyone who can help us navigate this?”

“Violet can,” she said immediately. “She’s your wife.”

I let out a slow breath.

“That’s exactly why,” I said. “She knew me before. Not the version people describe. The real one. And the only person who can walk us to where we should be. We don't have any family to rely on, do we?”

Her eyes flickered.

“She knows how I spoke, how I reacted when I was angry, how I treated people when no one was watching,” I continued. “If I start turning into someone dangerous again, she’ll recognize it before I do.”

She shook her head. “But I’m your mother.”

“And she’s the only mirror I have,” I replied gently. “You lost me without knowing. I lost myself while living.”

Her hands trembled as she clenched them together.

“You don’t know anything about your son,” I said. “And I don’t know anything about mine.”

Her breath hitched at that.

“I didn’t know Cyrus existed,” I continued. “I don’t know that I have a son..He has no idea that I am his father. I don’t know if I would have been patient or distant. That thought keeps me awake.”

She whispered, “You’d never hurt your child.”

“I don’t know that,” I said honestly. “And that’s the problem.”

Silence pressed in around us.

“To know me,” I went on, softer now, “you’ll have to talk to Violet. Ask her who I was. Ask her what kind of husband I was. Because right now, I’m just a man wearing someone else’s past. Even-” I took a deep breath, " Violet wants that man I am not familiar with!"

My chest tightened as I said that. She didn't love this version of me. She loved the version who I never knew.

" Son!" Tears gathered in her eyes.

“And to know Cyrus,” I said, “I have to be near him. I need to learn who I am as his father in real time. I don't want to be a deadbeat father. A neglectful one he would be ashamed of.”

She shook her head slowly. “I just want time with you. I waited my whole life for this.”

“I know,” I said. “But if I isolate myself from them, I might become the version of myself you wouldn’t recognize either.”

Her lips parted, but no words came out.

“I’m not choosing Violet and Cyrus over you,” I continued. “I’m choosing my family. Violet wants you to be with us as well. Then why?”

“And what if they take you away from me?” she asked quietly.

I met her gaze. “You know that she won't do it. But I won’t abandon my son or my wife to make you feel secure.” My word was sharp and final.

She wiped at her face, frustrated tears escaping.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “I don’t know how to be your mother.”

I nodded slowly. “And I don’t know how to be myself.”

The jet hummed steadily around us.

After a long moment, she finally nodded, resignation mixing with understanding. “Just promise me,” she said, voice trembling, “that you won’t disappear again.”

I didn’t hesitate.

“No one is leaving you alone, Mom. Neither me or Violet. I am positive she has a plan for you as well. So don't worry about something like this!"