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ARTEMIS

The words shouldn’t have shaken me the way they did, but it hurts.

I knew he meant them to be reasonable considering the way I had been acting, but they had gone under my skin and stuck something inside me.

I didn’t like how distant he sounded when he said it. I expected him to be angry, but he wasn’t. Instead, he sounded detached as though he was fed up.

I mean, he should but still, he shouldn’t. If it was true and he was watching me all this time, should he be letting me go crazy day after day?

My fingers curled around the empty glass in my hand, my knuckles aching as I stared at the floor like it might ground me.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked quietly.

The question felt pathetic the moment it left my mouth, but I needed to know. I needed to hear it.

Kieran was silent for a moment.

“No,” he said eventually. “I’m not mad.”

Relief fluttered weakly in my chest, but it didn’t last long with his next words.

“But I’m tired,” he added.

Something inside me tilted, like I’d lost my footing on solid ground. Tired sounded worse than anger. Anger could be fixed. Anger meant there was still heat, still investment.

Tired sounded final. Like he was done and it made me panic.

“I didn’t mean it,” I said quickly, the words rushing out before I could stop them. “What happened. I didn’t mean to scream. I didn’t mean to react like that. I was just… I was overwhelmed.” My throat tightened as I explained “I didn’t even understand why it happened until after.”

He shook his head slowly. “No” he told me with a firm voice “I won’t take that anymore. You’ve given me the same explanation every time and I don’t want it anymore. It won’t work this time”

My chest clenched painfully, and I could feel him holding himself back. His posture was rigid, his hands shoved into his pockets like he didn’t trust them. Like he didn’t trust himself.

“I’ve told myself for weeks that you just needed space,” he continued. “I kept telling myself that you would tell me when you are ready but you’ve been flinching when I touch you. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even touch you or be near you”

He finally looked at me then, and something in his eyes made my stomach twist.

“You tense when I get too close. Sometimes you look like you’re about to throw up just from being near me.”

I felt exposed, like he had peeled every layer of skin I had.

“You don’t get to be afraid of me,” he said quietly, “without telling me why.”

The dam broke.

A laugh tore out of me, sharp and wrong, and I dragged a hand through my hair as I turned away, pacing like a caged animal.

“Afraid?” I echoed. “You think I want to be afraid?”

My voice rose despite my efforts to keep it steady.

“I don’t wake up hoping my body betrays me,” I snapped. “I don’t spend nights lying awake replaying every look you give me, every touch, every word, trying to figure out if I imagined something or if I missed something important.”

My chest burned.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” I said, my voice cracking. “And the worst part is no matter how much I tell myself it’s fine, my body doesn’t listen.”

I pressed my hand to my chest, breathing hard.

“The gala,” I said suddenly.

“What?” he asked.

“The gala,” I repeated, turning back to face him. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how. Or if I was overreacting. Or if I was letting someone poison my thoughts.”

My voice trembled.

“Veronica Sterling.” He stilled but I had to continue “She came up to me like she knew me and she asked me how it felt to know I’d been manipulated from the start.”

His lips parted slightly, but he said nothing.

“She told me you don’t do anything without intent,” I said, tears spilling freely now. “That you’re patient. That when you want something, you don’t mind waiting years for it.”

I laughed, the sound broken and hysterical.

“And then she asked me if I really believed it was a coincidence that you were there when my life fell apart.”

My hands shook.

“So I’m asking you now,” I said, forcing myself to look at him. “Because I need to know before I go insane.”

My heart thundered painfully.

“How long have you been watching me?”

Silence swallowed the room.

Kieran stared at me like he hadn’t expected the question or that he hadn’t expected me to ask it.

“How did you know?” he asked slowly. “Did Veronica tell you that?”

The floor dropped out from under me.

“Oh my God,” I whispered.

The sound that escaped me was ugly. I raked my hands through my hair, pacing as tears streamed down my face unchecked.

“I can’t do this,” I sobbed. “I refuse to do this again.”

I turned on him, shaking with fury and terror.

“Tell me that she’s lying. Tell me she doesn’t know what the fuck she is talking about” My breathing was uneven, painful “I need the truth, Kieran. All of it”

I wiped my face angrily. “Tell me everything,” I demanded. “Don’t leave anything out or I swear to God…”

He looked like a man standing on the edge of something irreversible.

For a long moment, he said nothing and I almost thought he wouldn’t say anything but then his shoulders sagged slightly, as if something heavy inside him had finally given way.

“She didn’t lie,” he said quietly.

My heart slammed violently against my ribs.

“But I didn’t know she was aware,” he added, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know anyone was.”

My knees felt weak.

Kieran exhaled slowly, staring at the floor instead of at me.

“I thought I was careful,” he muttered. “I thought no one knew.”

That sentence wrapped around my spine like ice.

And for the first time, I realised the fear twisting inside me wasn’t irrational.

It was justified.