Her body stiffens as she whimpers again as my pressure gently increases.
‘Lock your link to me.’
I encourage her through the link. I know she’s done it when I feel her overwhelming anxiety towards the change in intimacy that I’ve taken with her.
‘Stay with me Lilly. I’m not going to hurt you.’
I reassure her through the link as I take her a step further.
I gently slide my finger to her entrance, gently running the tip along the outer edge. She whimpers hard with uncertainty, I haven’t touched her like this since my epic failure to control my wolf the first time we had sex.
We had waited two years before having the mate’s union ceremony that recognized Lillian as my luna and another year after the union ceremony to finish the mating bond. It’s unusual for fated mates, especially an alpha and luna to wait so long before completing the bond, so my wolf was eager to have his mate and her wolf was in heat.
She-wolves go through both the human menses and the wolf’s three week heat cycle. It’s during the wolf’s heat cycle that you are ninety percent certain to get her pregnant. She can get pregnant during the human cycle but it tends to take longer with less certainty. Either cycle between two werewolves will produce a werewolf. We both wanted children and she swore that she was ready.
My wolf took control and paid no attention to the fact that she had been sexually abused for ten years by her alpha father. By the time the tie released and my wolf retreated, satisfied he had done his job, Lilly was left a terrified, sobbing mess. I had lost control of him so badly that I didn’t have a clue what he had done to her with my body. So for twenty years I have played it safe and stayed within her comfort zone, feeling that it was the least I could do after convincing myself that I had raped her that night.
I’ve stayed away from the simple pleasures of rubbing her clit, fingering her and sucking on her cunt because that was what I know her father did to her. At least that’s my understanding.
The difference is he trained her, through physical pain, to hate such contact with her body. She has never detailed to me what happened when he touched her. All she’s ever said was that his hand between her legs brought her unbearable pain. So I’ve only indulged in those simple pleasures a handful of times at best.
Yet there’s something about today, my instincts about the young man being verified and my luna seeking me out, desiring a completely different means of comfort after seeing the young man’s bruised abdomen that’s telling me, begging me, screaming at me to challenge her the way I have refused to challenge her for twenty years.
It’s as her body finally relaxes under my gentle touch that I add more pressure, increasing the friction against her sensitive clit. She shifts uncomfortably beneath my body as a sensation she’s rarely felt starts to invade her. The beauty of having her lock into the link is being able to simply think what I wish to say and she’ll hear it.
‘I know you’re not used to this as I’ve been afraid of hurting you again for all these years. I’m not going to hurt you Lilly. I want you to experience the same pleasure I do when your hands are on me. Relax with me darling. It’s me and me alone.’
My speed increases, changing the way it feels again. I’m between her legs, keeping her from closing up on me but I’m laying to one side of her so I can see her face as I slow my speed and introduce one of several obstacles she struggles with during foreplay and sex.
I press my middle finger against the skin between her slit again and gently, slowly slide it to her entrance again stopping just barely inside. Her body is stiff and her breathing ragged as she tries to cope.
“Relax Lilly.” I whisper in her ear hoping that the sound of my voice will soothe her as I slide my finger down inside her. She gasps hard as she struggles not to fight against me. I capture her lips with mine as I slowly develop a gentle rhythm. I pull my lips from hers as I continue my gentle fingering of her entrance. Her breathing has relaxed and she’s finally enjoying what I should have done to her so many years ago.
“Lilly, look at me.”
She opens her eyes and for the first time since I started her eyes are relaxed, showing me a level of trust that I’ve never seen before.
“I want you Lilly. All of you. Trust me completely. Submit to me. Let me pleasure you, relax you so my tie to you doesn’t hurt you.”
I see the hesitation come forward in her eyes again. I pull my finger from her cunt and place it in my mouth to clean it off holding back my hum of enjoyment from tasting her for the first time in years.
Even though the tie has happened every time we have sex she’s never been relaxed enough for it to be easy for her to handle. The mate tie only happens between fated mates and on a rare occasion, if you find your second chance mate before your fated mate.
It’s nothing for the man except for a potential inconvenience if he’s in a hurry but it can be uncomfortable to extremely painful for the woman depending on how tense or fearful she is of the process. It’s especially difficult for her if the man she’s with doesn’t realize that the tie has occurred and tries to force himself to separate from her.
“Lilly, I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to ask this of you. I know seeing the condition Cole is in has stirred up old memories. I know that’s why you sought me out. You desire the pain that has always come from the tie. I’m not going to hurt you. I know you’re highly sensitive right now so please, I need you to be mine.”
She’s looking into my eyes as I finish talking. She nods her head as she whispers “I’m yours” in my ear.
“Submit to me Lilly.”
I whisper back as I gently nip her ear.
“I’m yours Demetri, just do one thing for me?”
“Absolutely Lillian, what do you need?”
“I need you to understand what happened to me. The young man’s chest started it but the tie. The tie has always been a bad trigger for me. So you’re right Demetri. I sought you out because I need to tie to you. I need to tell you of those bad memories, not bury them.”
“Are you certain this is the best way to do this? My instincts tell me to push you but I don’t want to hurt you.”
She looks at me lovingly but that love is shadowed with fear. She knows exactly what this is going to do to her yet she’s asking for it anyway. It’s been a long time since I’ve agreed to let her release like this.
“There’s something you need to understand before I give this to you.”
She nods her head as she looks into my eyes.
“I’m not going to stop this time. I’ve allowed you the control now it’s my turn. I need you to understand that’s what I mean by you being mine.”
“It’s not the first time you’ve asked for control like that. I know what it means.”
I shake my head.
“No Lilly. I have never asked for control when you’ve sought me out. The only time you seek me sexually is when something has happened that triggers a memory of what he did to you. I have never understood why but you know it’s true. Why else would you admit that the tie is a big trigger but that’s what you need from me? Right now as I talk with you I see the fear in your eyes. I know this is going to be a challenge for you but something tells me you need this. I can’t explain why now is the time but it is.”
The apprehension has grown in her eyes as I have held eye contact with her as I’ve talked. I lean down and take her mouth in mine before gentling my voice.
“I’m going to challenge you my love so I need these things from you.”
She nods her head agreeing to what I need from her before I ask.
“Do not fight me. Do not stop me. Nothing I do to you is going to hurt you. I need you to trust and have faith in me that I will not hurt you Lilly. Open your link to me. Lock on to me. I need to feel everything that you feel that way if there is any hint of pain I can adjust what I’m doing and most importantly, the tie will happen. I’ve been pulling out before finishing because I can’t get out fast enough afterwards. This time, we are going to tie and once it’s fully established I want to roll onto our sides to see if that’s easier for you to handle. I’m going to do what I’ve wanted you to feel for years Lilly. Don’t be afraid. I promise it feels good and there’s nothing bad about it.”
There’s fear in her eyes as she leans up to kiss me. Long and sensual telling me her desire despite her fears. My fears of hurting her again have held me back for two decades and now she’s asking me to trigger some of the worst experiences she’s ever had and refused to tell. There’s something about today that tells me this is my only shot. I’m finally going to learn what Alpha Tanner did to her so many years ago.