Chapter 28 We Never Broke Up
I felt his lips so hard that it stopped whatever name I was going to call. His hands dropped to my shoulders, slid down my arms, and rested on my back as he pulled me closer than earlier.
It felt weirdly good that I didn’t know when I shut my eyes, opened my mouth against his, and surrendered.
With that, he kissed me more passionately, making me wet underneath, and guided me slowly to the couch. As we slid down slowly onto the sofa, something in me snapped me back to reality.
“Alex,” I whispered under his breath, pressing my palm against his chest.
He looked into my eyes and stood up as fast as he could.
“I’m sorry,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.
“I shouldn’t have…”
“Can I please use the restroom?” I asked, cutting in.
I knew what he was going to say and I wasn’t ready for that.
He pointed in the direction of the restroom and I excused myself to wash the slime running underneath me.
When I finished, I went back to the living room, sat down, and rubbed my palms on my thighs nervously.
The air between us was silent and uncomfortable. He would look at me and quickly take his gaze off me.
“You didn’t come to the site today,” I said, breaking the silence.
“I just came to check on you,” I added, my voice breaking slightly as I glanced around the living room, trying to avoid his gaze.
“I wasn’t feeling great,” he replied.
That was when I really looked at him.
Though his lips had gone down a bit, his eyes were dull and his skin was a bit pale.
Then I remembered that he had a low tolerance for pain. He had gotten sick for four days just because he injured himself while chasing a cat.
I wanted to snicker at that memory, but I immediately stopped myself.
“You really don’t look okay,” I said.
“I will be fine,” he replied, trying to mask the dullness of his eyes.
“Have you eaten?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
He hesitated.
That was enough answer for me.
I stood up without another word and walked towards the kitchen.
“You don’t have to,” he said, his eyes following me.
“I want to,” I replied.
I found something simple to cook when I got to the kitchen.
I quickly fixed the meal from the little ingredients I got and placed it in a tray.
When I placed the tray in front of him, he stared at it for a while before looking up at me.
“Thank you,” he said.
I nodded and sat across from him, folding my hands together.
He took a few bites in silence, then stopped.
“There’s something you said…” he started.
Then I looked up slowly.
“… at the site. You said I was the one who hurt you. It’s been weighing me down since you said those words,” he added.
I swallowed and looked away.
“What did you mean by that?” he asked.
“I didn’t plan to say that. It just came out,” I said.
“No… that came from somewhere. I saw your eyes,” he replied, looking at me as if the answers were written in my eyes.
I hesitated for a while and blurted out.
“You really did hurt me!”
Alex sat quite still, still searching my eyes.
“I went to your house after we had that misunderstanding that day,” I started.
“What? I never knew that,” he said.
“I know… because I didn’t get to see you. Your mother answered the door and relayed your message to me,” I continued.
“What message?” he asked, his jaw tightening.
I was beginning to get pissed at his pretense, but I decided to calm down and say my bit.
“She said you asked her to send me away because you were done. She told me you didn’t want to see me anymore,” I added, blinking rapidly to fight back tears.
“That’s not…”
“Please… let me finish,” I cut in softly.
He nodded without hesitation.
“I refused to leave… I told her I needed an explanation from you, but she said you didn’t owe me an explanation and called me all sorts of names,” I said, letting out a shaky breath.
“What?” he muttered in a hushed tone.
“And then she gave me a letter,” I added.
“A letter?” he asked, his eyes now beaming with anger.
“I recognized your handwriting or at least… I thought I did,” I continued.
“The letter said you weren’t interested anymore and that I shouldn’t come looking for you anymore.”
The living room went silent. Alex looked dumbfounded. It seemed like he didn’t understand everything I had been saying.
“I tried to decide if I should knock again, if I should call your name, or if I should be dramatic and decide to leave,” I laughed, looking up and patting my lower eyelids.
“But I didn’t want to be that girl… so I left and told myself that if you could end things like that, then I had to respect it.”
Alex shook his head slowly, disbelief clearly written all over his face.
“My mother gave me a letter too… she said you dropped it and left,” he started.
“One where you said you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
I looked at him and that was when it all made sense. Then I remembered the dream I had.
“Was it a reveal?” I thought to myself.
“She told me the same thing about you,” he added.
“I texted you countless times, but you didn’t reply to any of my texts,” I said, pain evident in my voice.
“I was angry at you. It took me a lot of time to process the betrayal,” he defended.
“Did you think I had it easy? You moved on so fast for someone who promised not to ever leave me,” I muttered.
“I know nothing I say will change what has happened, but I really don’t know anything about this,” he said, clamping his hands tightly together.
“So when I said you hurt me, that’s what I meant,” I said softly.
“And just like that, we disappeared from each other’s lives,” he added.
We talked for a long time after that.
We talked about the small memories; how he used to hate spicy food until I forced him to try mine, how I always fell asleep halfway through movies and swore I was awake, and how we used to imagine a future that felt so sure back then.
The time went by really fast.
I looked at the time and stood up slowly.
“Geez! It’s late. I should go.”
Alex nodded, though his eyes stayed on me as if he didn’t want me to leave. I walked towards the door, but as I placed my hand on the handle, he called out.
“Joan.”
I paused and turned.
“Wait,” he said and disappeared into his room.
For a second, I wondered what he wanted to give to me.
Then he appeared with a velvet pouch in his hand. He stared at it for a while and handed it to me.
“I’ve had this since that night,” he said.
I loosened the drawstring and emptied the pouch into my palm.
“My bracelet… I thought I had lost it,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.
“Thank you,” I added.
“I didn’t mean to keep it this long. I always forgot to give it to you and…” he said and paused for a while.
“I like its presence in my room,” he added with a small smile.
I smirked and turned to leave.
Then he held my hand.
“I love you, Joan… I never stopped,” he said.
And in that moment, time froze between us.