Chapter 31

Chapter 31
Zero

Not sure man, spoke to the boys in Mississippi, Loui, Kansas. Dexter even went as far as New York, but we don't wanna be digging in Deno’s turf. He’ll take it as an insult and we might just find ourselves in a cross fire with the Famiglia,” Knight explains.
I trust the guy, he’s Italian and a war with Famiglia will put Killer in a tight spot.
We can't have that.
We're all sitting in the basement. Our mind on one purpose, finding Jade. Either she's been kidnapped or worse, dead.
After Beggar fled the room earlier, I destroyed half my bedroom. I was angry at myself for wanting her so bad, for losing control.
I was furious with her for stopping me and also for making me this way.
And those words, what the fuck was I thinking?
I called her the very thing I said wouldn't.
I threatened her.
I was losing my fucking mind, so I did the best thing and jumped on my bike and left.
Went to see my dad. He wasn't there, so I cooled off at the barn.
The need to clear my head and get my shit together was potent.
I’m a grown man acting like a fucking kid who can't keep it in his pants.
Then snapping and blaming a 21-year-old for my attraction to her.
Truth is, I am attracted to Beggar but is it physical or something deeper?
I wish I had a fucking clue. We've barely spoken in these past five days. It's all my fault, I've been a snippy snarling jackass to her since I took her to the park.
I can't even fuck Falon without thinking of Beggar.
I know I should break things off with Falon. I've never cheated on a woman before.
I did it today, I cheated on the woman I wanted to claim. Falon doesn't deserve that, Beggar doesn't deserve it.
What if I didn't leave Falon and Beggar is the one? What if I did leave Falon and Beggar and I didn't work out?
My mind raked up questions and answers, by the time I got back two hours later. It was clear that I had to get to know Beggar.
I had to risk this with Falon and see if there was anything between Beggar and I besides the urge to fuck her.
Five days I've watched Beggar talk and smile with my brothers and the women.
Five days I held off. I continued to ignore her and treat her badly hoping the urge to want her would wane.
But the need, the pull increased.
At the same time, I've been asking myself why her?
Why don't I have these feeling for Falon? I care for Falon enough to marry her, well at least I did a week ago.
Now I'm ready to dump her and I don't feel an ounce of regret.
Fuck my life.
Today Beggar offered to help me even though I deserve the pain from every punch Killer delivered.
I asked him to do it. Storm is supposed to dish out my punishment ‘cause he’s the VP, but I knew he’ll hold back.
Killer wouldn't and he didn't. He knew I needed it.
I hurt her, sent her into a panic because I didn't want to handle the fact that Killer spent his nights in her bed, while I hoped it was me.
I wanted her to turn to me, to smile at me.
Yet, she buckled and fought the second my hands made contact with her body.
I didn't want to believe it, so when she kicked out, I put my hand on her and held her down.
But even though I deserved to suffer she was willing to fix me up, and I didn't hesitate to accept.
While Beggar massaged me, I tried really hard to keep it together.
Her calloused hands on my flesh was too much even for a man like me.
And I caved into the unwanted yet undeniable pull between us, for that moment I consumed her.
The feel of her blunt fingers in my back, her long legs wrapped like a dream around my hips.
Her long hair fanned out on my bed. She was everything and more.
The way she touched me, the way she kissed me. Our mouths fused like two lost souls connecting for the final time.
I've never sucked a woman's tongue so hard or kissed a woman as thorough as I kissed Beggar.
I’ve never wanted to leave my mark on a woman before, not even Falon.
When she stopped and refused me, I was thinking maybe she was denying me because she was fucking Killer. I didn't give her a chance to prove me right.
I hurt her.
I rejected her. And I didn't think I’ll feel like I lost something important.
I didn't think I would feel like I was experiencing grief in the form of a woman I've met five days ago walking out my door without a backward glance.
I need Beggar and I know she needs me too.
I just have to convince her.
I planned to go seek her out when I got back and beg for a chance, but all my plans fled to shit when I got the call from Houston and that was that.
I hadn't had a chance to think about anything besides finding out who took one of our own.
“Who was the first person to know she was missing?” Killer asks Storm from his corner in the room.
“Mercy, Jade promised to call her yesterday when she got to Texas City. They were supposed to meet there before joining up with Moscow and Trader somewhere in Sugar land,” Spade adds from behind me.
The brother is good friends with Jade. He never claimed her but I know they’ve been sleeping in the same bed for a couple months now.
This shit must be hard for him.
I listen attentively to all that they say whilst my fingers work furiously on my laptop.
“Her last known location was Texas City, just picked her up on a traffic cam, shot was taken23 hours ago,” I say to them before I meet Storm’s alert gaze.
Rounder was having a bad day today with the chemo so Falon and Chadley took him for a check-up.
Texas followed behind them.
My VP is in charge of this one. So, he is going to have to make the call.